Good introduction, I'm intriued as to what's going to happen next. Though because it is all descriptive it didn't grab me with it's tension and atmosphere, it didn't suck me into a story with characters. Though I suppose that bit is to come. As a prologue it does seem long, perhaps you could not give us this much information this early on and reveal it slowly, hightening the mystery and illusiveness of the Nuro (only a suggestion).
Astrid
Interesting story and interesting concept with the pre-cognition. However I feel you could bring in more emtion and tension into the piece. She is obviously very frightened and anxious about the dream, I want to feel it. Perhaps changing the sentence structure or even putting it in the present tense to make it more immediate. Experiment with atmosphere and things, explore the use of the other senses to bring out the horror of the piece. I almost want to feel compelled to read it, even though it is horrible to read so to speak.
Astrid
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fiery_astrid
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 10:31am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
