Hello,
I enjoyed the theme of this poem and what you were saying through it.
The rhyme scheme was spot on and you did have 10 syllables per line, but that's where I have an issue. Though you hav 10 syllables, yes, it isn't really smooth, as iambic pentameter should be. When reading you should be able to read it as "duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH duh-DUH." But this piece gets a little choppy and difficult.
Other than that, all I can really say is "shine" and "time" don't actually rhyme, so maybe try to change that if possible. Other than that I thought this was a good poem, though it could have been smoother.
A good story. I really enjoyed reading this. It was original and well-written and you used good descriptions to draw the reader in. My only suggestion is the ending. I had to read the final three paragraphs twice to understand the ending. That could certainly be me though. Just a suggestion to look at.
As for the rest of the story, I think it was well-paced. Perhaps go a little more in-depth as to what Remarhh actually is...as well as the protagonist, from whose viewpoint this is written. From the descriptions I would have possibly guessed Remarhh to be a troll or something large. And the viewpoint character I wasn't sure. A fairy of sorts?
Overall, this wasn't really distracting. It just left me wondering at the story's end. My final question is in regards to the word count.It says 11188 but I believe you meant 1188. I did't actually check it but I'm fairly certain 7 KB doesn't come out to 11K words.
A good story overall! Good luck in the contest!
~The Messenger
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