Wow. I could actually see it all happening in my head. It was colourful. :)
Loved this idea. As for your writing, I liked your choice of words for various descriptions. Giving ample spacings between paras will probably be easy on the eyes.
I couldn't help but notice that reading this short story was a smooth ride for me.And that's great. I liked the plot. I usually enjoy a story that centers around something mysterious- feeding the 'Emptiness' had just the right amount in it. There were a few spelling mistakes here and there, but those need only a few seconds to correct.
Gemma Blackstone made King retire! Unusual story indeed. I actually expected the monster to do some killing. Writing- wise you have been splendid. Description of the monster worked, but maybe you could do something more for the girl. You could probably show her love for horror etc a little more. The scare factor was a slightly lacking .
What you've written here clearly has a story that's waiting to make us feel something for the protagonist, but I feel it hasn't come to light. You're writing is good but editing needs to be done. If you work on it again, I'm sure you can paint a more vivid and a focused image here. You get what I'm saying?
Good luck!
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