Though he was easily bigger than any other man in the room other than his two companions, he didn’t look like he belonged with the three colonists.( something needs changed here. if he doesnt belong with the three colonist it sounds like there are 4 of them.)
The yellow-eye and the lean man took seats across from her. ( you just introduced us to morgan. You can use his name here and not repeat the yellows eyes)
The big bearded man you refer to has been introduced so use his name and add some other description about him if he is going to be used more in the story.
And, though(( it )) was easy for Utopians to change their eye color, colonists usually did not have that luxury.
Could throw in some more room decription as the story flows.
The storkish guy i remember and his not in the story much. Throw in a little more descrition of the other to. I'm a little confused about who's who. I have to go back to see
who your talking about. Again describe more to really put us in the story. I know that we should let the reader fill in gaps with our own imagination, but it is hard to do while trying to follow the storyline.
You do well moving the story. And it's very original.
There is a flow of heart in this write. An intensity of how the author feels. These words convey their meaning to the reader. I felt my heart drop on the first line of the last verse. I thought the author was going to ruin the emotions, but the next line brought me back to a feeling of trust in them and their ability to write. A very pleasent read.
If the moon is imperfect why is it beautiful?....... This line at the title drew me in to read. It should be a line in the writing.
That line tells me more about the authors ability than the write itself. WHY IS IT BEAUTIFUL.?? I still want to know. I hope to see more. Write on Mew
This strikes me as a feeling, mood or outlook. A release of frustration? It seems as though the author has not reached a social standing that is acceptable to themselves. A great longing and lonliness. Desperation! I agree that I would like to see more. Perhaps an understanding of oneself, closure or the way out. I would not like to feel this way. I enjoyed the read.
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