I don't know why I love this, but I do! It appeals to everything girly and frivolous in me, and I love how sweet and short it is. To the point without dragging and getting boring and pathetic, at three lines this is perfect! Love it, with no criticism!
I'm not a great reviewer, I just comment on a piece when I enjoy it!
This is enthralling, beautiful and spine tingling. It's one of those things that everyone wants a moment of, and I think it is a really good piece of writing!
This is a really interesting and intriguing personification, comparing the sun to a woman! It has really strong imagery- 'She touched me, she did/ And although I couldn't return it...' is my favourite part.
It's quite wistful and romantic and turns simple comments about the weather into something interesting and lovely to read. Thank you!
This is really good! These things I'm about to say if just my personal opinion, don't take it personally!
'We live,,,,, we die,,,,, maybe remembered by friends'- Maybe just 'We live. We die.' It would be stronger, and the change in pace good!
'But for now I live,,
And Love,,,,
And to all others I give,,,, ' I think, again, this would be better without the ,,,,, Like, 'But for now I live. And Love. And to all other's give'
This, although short, is very pretty. It's rhythm reminds me of the patter of the rain itself, which is incredibly skilful, and I really enjoyed it!
-Francesca
Firstly, I love the idea for the poem, the inspiration behind it, and a few of the sentences (such as 'Wind in the air like a frantic heartbeat.') This is a feeling I've felt countless times in my life and you've captured it perfectly!
However, making it rhyme seems a little forced, and it draws attention from the poem itself (especially on the last stanza) which isn't quite as effective as if you had relaxed it, and used more poetic language than 'sit' and 'fit.'
Besides that, I do really like this poem!
-Francesca
Your writing is incredibly beautiful :) I feel like her so often in my life, it's like your reading out of my head.
"she'll never realize what she imagined" is my favourite line, although I'm pretty sure it's spelt 'realise'....
Well done! I'm in awe of you right now :) Your ideas are intriguing.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/frankm
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 9:05am on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
