I am reviewing this piece because: I hit "random review" to complete the "WDC Birthday Obstacle Course" and your work popped up
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title & description:
Intriguing title which sounds like it was entered into an interesting contest.
The best bits:
This piece made me laugh, which is just what I needed today - thank you. Indeed, this is a very humourous "postcard". I particularly enjoyed the paragraph ending:
"The ship's doctor said it would be months before I can walk"
I enjoyed the way this was described as a result of mistaken gender.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âClear all your cases, this is going to make us rich!â â I would consider using a semicolon after the word cases â âClear all your cases; this is going to make us rich!â
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I am reviewing your work as a member of the Simply Positive group
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Interesting... I think I've said "freaky deeky" on a few occasion so this appealed to me.
The best bits:
Wow... now, I'll admit, I started reading the poem before I read the description. Therefore, I was a little taken a back. But, once I got into it, I loved it! This poem is excellent. Its very funny and honest. Maybe a little too honest! It is the kind of poem that would open people's eyes and cause them to tut loudly. This is exactly why I loved it. Improvements or corrections:
I do not have any thing to point out here. Do not change it!
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: You were below me in the "I write..." contest, so I thought I'd pop over and review your work :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
As someone who has genuinely asked this question themselves, this title appealed to me.
My interpretations; what the item is trying to tell me:
The speaker Is grateful to find some forgiveness and light through prayer and meditation.
The best bits:
In a way, I am really sorry that you have drawn the short straw and have me reviewing you again. However, on the other hand, it does give me a chance to read more of your work.
As I said before I can appreciate the premise behind this item. Therefore I am fully able to relate to the words used in this poem - even if I cannot yet relate to the concepts behind the structural break down and methodology behind your work. I will be sure to return to your port to offer you a more substantial review, when I have a firmer idea and more confidence in the art of poetry.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have any thing to point out here.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I am reviewing your work as a member of the Simply Positive group and just to welcome you to WDC!
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
As someone who can be a bit of a perfectionist, I was intrigued by this item.
The best bits:
Other than a few grammatical suggestions I will make below, this is a very well written piece. In addition, you are quite right you say here. I think in terms of art and writing - in any form - perfection is, indeed, impossible to achieve. I found this line particularly interesting:
"...creative success and acceptance within the intended medium, with this being the most that one can hope for."
I do agree, in a way. However, I believe we should always strive for perfection. Otherwise we're not making the most of our talents and being true to ourselves. Which is why you should keep doing what you're doing.
I'd be interested in seeing a longer version of this. For example, what makes you want to say this? And how did you reach these conclusions?
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âstrive for âperfectionâ, areâ â I donât think the comma is needed â âstrive for 'perfection' areâ.
Here: âprocess of expression with an ultimateâ â I would actually add in a comma after the word expression â âprocess of expression, with an ultimateâ
If I see very short, single paragraph, items that are categorised as essays, I feel the need to turn it into two or three paragraphs to make it feel longer and more âmeatyâ. Therefore, I feel I should tell you that I put a new line in, after the word âversionâ.
Here: âprocess itself, the artist nonetheless should findâ â I would actually remove the comma after the word âitselfâ. Then I would add in two commas, one before the word ânonethelessâ and one after â âprocess itself the artist, nonetheless, should findâ.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I am reviewing your work as a member of the Simply Positive group and just to welcome you to WDC!
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
I really enjoy reading items about vampires so I was interested to see your take on things.
The best bits:
This is a great short story that has fantastic potential to be a longer item. I finished reading this and wanted to know more. To me, the scene appears to be a dream. I say this because there is mention that he'll come with sleep. Am I right? If not, perhaps this needs further clarity.
The descriptions in this item are very good and really help the reader to visualise what is going on between the characters!
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âSleep come soon and with it he comes too.â â you just need a S on the word âcomeâ â âSleep comes soon and with it he comes too.â OR you could add in the word âwillâ. Like so: âSleep will come soon and with it he comes too.â
Here: âShe can not fight or resist him.â â the words âcan notâ should be one word â âShe cannot fight or resist him.â
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Good title. Doesn't give too much away but intriguing enough.
The best bits:
It is actually hard enough to write flash fiction, let alone micro fiction. So, I take your hat off to you in this case.
You have made fantastic use of ever single word available to you. You have certainly made the most of your words via the use of dialogue. This definitely helps to "bulk out" the story. It also gives the reader time to settle in before coming to the twist.
I felt like I was reading a story longer than 150 words. This is great!
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have any thing to point out here. This is saying something since I always look very hard for errors!
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Great title - almost certainly likely to draw people in. Like me!
My interpretations; what the item is trying to tell me:
Umm... is it all free, by any chance?
The best bits:
When it comes to rants, I think you have a genuine skill. I mean that in the nicest possible way, of course. Most people rant using inarticulate vocabulary and references. You, on the other hand, appear to be able to get your points across in a very articulate, yet humourous fashion.
Just to make reference to the subject matter, briefly. I think, when using websites like this, it might be difficult to appreciate the time, effort and, indeed, money that does go into making everything run so smoothly. That is, until you learn the ropes and see everything developing.
I also think that the reason other sites fail and WDC does not, is definitely the community and your own personal involvement. I think seeing you all floating around the place is a great incentive for someone like me to *want* to pay for a service like this. Whereas other services just happen and there is bound to be less appreciation for the effort needed.
I would like to think that complaints like this are few and far between. She says, with fingers crossed.
In terms of the item: it is both humourous and to the point. I was laughing through the entirety of the article. But I also knew exactly what you were getting at. Thus, the item offered great clarity and explanation.
Improvements or corrections:
The only thing I would really say is that this item hasn't been updated in a while. It might be worth doing in case anyone has similar complaint ideas.
I really enjoyed reading this item. Thank you very much for the read. xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate from your secret pal.
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
The title fits this item really well. I would consider capitalising each word.
The best bits:
This is a simple but well written story of a girl's "ordinary morning". The language used in this item is almost poetic. Indeed, you have used incredibly effective descriptions to paint the scene's images for the reader. For example, I particually liked these sentences:
"The sky outside the curtained windows still wore a dark blue robe. A thin shade of red could be seen at the horizon"
As someone who really likes to be able to imagine what they're reading, description like this is always welcome.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
I think the words âmosquito killingâ would be better hyphenated. Like so â âmosquito-killingâ.
Here: âThe local currency of Bangladesh noteâ â I donât think you need the words âThe local currencyâ as I feel it spreads the sentence too thin and takes away from the authenticity of the item. If I were you, I would just say âa taka noteâ. In this item I think this is all you need. If people are uncertain about what it is, they can easily look it up â just as I did.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: ' This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate from your secret pal.'
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Colour can, indeed, change everything. I wanted to know how, in this case.
The best bits:
Once again, a lovely little story written with great insight. These days, I don't think schools put enough emphasis on the different ways people learn. Something like this could actually change someones life. Schools teach everyone in the same way - surely this cannot work for everyone.
You did a great job of getting the little girl's personality, and emotions, across to the reader. Not a easy thing to do in such a short story.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âBut youâre a good girl, right? â you are missing quotation marks at the end of the sentence.
Here: âMehjabin ran off, creatingâ â I recommend the use of a semi-colon rather than a comma â âMehjabin ran off; creatingâ
Iâd consider hyphenating the words ârapid fireâ. Like so: ârapid-fireâ
Also, there are big gaps between paragraphs. This can be distracting for the reader.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate from your secret pal.
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
I could tell from these that I would like the concept of this item meaning I had to read on to find out more.
My interpretations; what the item is trying to tell me:
A mirror has seen a girl grow up over the years. It no longer reflects a joyful little girl. Rather, it now sees a helpless teenager.
The best bits:
This is a fascinating take on what it must be like to be part of a royal family. In the UK, a new prince was born in July. My first thought was "oh but that boy will never know what it is like to be himself".
I am guessing English is your second language. In which case, other than the few things I point out below, this is really well written.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âA recorder of changing moods, a silent witness of her daily activities.â â I would start this with the words âI amâ, just like the previous sentence and the one after â âI am a recorder of changing moods, a silent witness of her daily activities.â
I would consider taking the word ânewbornâ and turning it into two words â ânew bornâ.
Here: âThose killing, dark brown eyes hidden behind thick, black glasses.â â I might recommend connecting this sentence with the one before using a colon â âThe ebony black hair dyed into a bright, golden shade: those killing, dark brown eyes hidden behind thick, black glasses.â
The word âjewelryâ is spelt âjewelleryâ
I would hyphenate the words ânon livingâ like so ânon-livingâ
With the word âverandahâ - I wonder whether you mean âverandaâ?
Nevertheless, I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate from your secret pal.
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
A simple yet effective title for a raffle - I like it.
The best bits:
This is a great concept that uses lots of colour and images to emphasise important points. I think this is vital if you are going to capture the attention of potential buyers.
The raffle supports some great causes. I wonder whether these causes are aware of/pointing people in the direction of this raffle. It may be worth approaching the groups to get some exposure and more activity.
The prizes you have on offer are really good. I love the idea of using sigs from sigs shops as prizes but also as a way of advertising the shops.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
The "Help the teddy travel please" concept is a good one. However, there is no explanation of how we could do this. If somebody wanted to put this link in their signature, for example, how would they go about it?
When people are buying something, they want nothing more than clarity - even if they are just spending GPs on WDC. So anything that causes the smallest amount of confusion will put them off slightly. For example, when the item explains where the GPs raised will go, it starts of with:
"The gps earned will be split into three equal parts. Two thirds will go to charity. And I will keep one third for my upgrade"
Then it goes on to say:
"From now on, I'll use my personal gps fund for the prizes. 90% of all the gps raised, goes to charity"
I am unsure now whether your Upgrade Bank counts as a charity or whether this will no longer gain. I think if you're upgrading the info on an activity, its best to remove any old info altogether. Does this make sense?
Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: You were below me in the "I write..." contest, so I thought I'd pop over and review your work :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing - Especially not poetry. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
I love writing that is based on weather and the seasons. I, personally, love the summer season but I enjoy reading other people's take on the different seasons and the connotations they have for the writer.
The best bits:
I really like the original way in which you have utilised the prompts provided for you. You have taken for completely unrelated words and has developed a very descriptive and free flowing piece of poetry. As I said at the start, I am not a poet, not by any stretch of the imagination. However I am currently looking to learn all I can about poetry and I hope to, one day, know what I am talking about. It is by reading the work like yours, that really encourages me to want to move forward. I say this because your poems always strike me as being able to deliver something a little different; be it in the structure or the vocabulary you use
Improvements or corrections:
I cannot see anything strikingly obvious that I would consider changing, to be honest. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem. I am truly sorry that I cannot offer you a better review.
Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This is one of the reviews paid for with the gift certificate from your secret pal.
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
They always love reading 'Dear Me' pieces as it feels like a brilliant way to try and get to know the person/personality behind the portfolio and the writing.
The best bits:
This is a great item that is full of honesty, meaningful reflection and hope for the future. I thought the way you were able to get down on paper what you feel you need to do in order to succeed in the way that will make you happy/satisfied. After reading these items then realising they were created over three years ago, I often sit and wonder whether these letters have come true or been useful to for the author since they were written.
I am hoping you might consider doing another "Dear Me" item in the near future so your readers can get a better understanding of how far you have come over the last three years.
I was able to completely relate to part about not brooding over the shoes you are unable to wear. I am the same, I can only wear flat shoes (although, some times I can wear high heels but only if I know I am not going to walk anywhere and will only be using my wheelchair). I have always wished I wear the same lovely shoes as everyone else. But then I had to remind myself that there are more important things than shoes. Also, I am not sure about where you are, but over the years the shoes that I can wear have become more fashionable.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
The words âself discoveryâ should be hyphenated really â âself-discoveryâ
Here: âDiscover your strengths, rectify your weaknesses.â â the sentence only lists two things. Therefore, I would remove the comma replace it with the word âandâ â âDiscover your strengths and rectify your weaknesses.â
If a sentence lists more than two things you use commas along with the word âandâ. For example: âeggs, ham and breadâ. However, if only two of these are listed, no comma is needed â only the word âandâ. For example: âeggs and hamâ.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece to say: Thanks for your order at "Invalid Item"
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
When I saw the title of this item, it struck me as being exactly the kind of story I love to read. I just had to read on.
The best bits:
The concept behind this story is fantastic. I love the idea of sweet candy skulls holding names of people who's souls are due for collection. The notion of 'Halloween death messengers' is right up my street and is something I'd like to read more about.
In fact, in my opinion this concept is no where near exhausted in this item. If you wanted to, I believe you could extend this much further and in far more detail!
Improvements or corrections:
The things I point out here are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel. However, Iâm a stickler for correcting grammar and spellings. So I hope you donât mind me making a few suggestions.
Here: âAs she walked through the village streets treading softly.â â as a sentence this doesnât fit as nicely as it could. I would consider removing the word âasâ and combining it with the following sentence with the use of a semi-colon. For example: âShe walked through the village streets treading softly; She walked through the village streets treading softly; hidden in the shadows and candle light.â
I think âcandle lightâ should just be one word â âcandlelightâ
Here: âAll around her was life taking placeâ â Iâm wondering whether the words are in slightly the wrong order. Iâd suggest: âAll around her life was taking placeâ ⌠Iâd also consider stopping this sentence here, and combining the remainder of the sentence with the next, like so: âAll around her life was taking place. With it came the sights and smells of the time of year when being apart of the living world became slightly more than just a dream for the dead.â
Here: âbeing apart of the living worldâ â I wonder if you meant âa partâ rather than âapartâ
Typo: âstones.Thereâ is missing a space and should read âstones. Thereâ
Same here: âsweet breads.Theâ should read âsweet breads. Theâ
Here: âA small crude cross and petal shapesâŚâ â I would start this sentence with the words âthere wasâ. For example: âThere was a small crude cross and petal shapesâŚâ because it is these types of words like link sentences together and make our writing flow better.
Here: âduring their liveâsâ â no apostrophe is required in lives â âduring their livesâ
Technically, Halloween is the name of a day. Therefore, the H should always be capitallised.
I think ârhymâ requires an E at the end - ârhymeâ
Here: âWhisper in my ear giveâŚâ â technically this ought to be plural. So there are two options you could consider to make this grammatically correct. Either: âWhispers in my ear giveâŚâ OR âWhisper in my ear givesâŚâ
Here: âI'm here. But not much longer.â â there are two very short sentences that Iâd think about combining with a comma â âI'm here, but not much longer."
The word âinheritenceâ should be spelt with an A rather than an E â âinheritanceâ
Regardless, I enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This review was bought for you at "Invalid Item" by Maryann with the message 'Thinking of you, Aunt Dottie!'
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Brilliant title that really got me curious as to what could be involved a story with a title like this.
The best bits:
Gosh those cookies must have been made of unbreakable ingredients - unlike the cheesecake
I think this item works really well because it is a travel journal type piece in the disguise of a story about cookies. In reality, while we are reading about these steel cookies, we are learning more about you and your travels.
The story definitely held on to my attention throughout. I found myself wondering whether cookies would end up next and I had just keep believing that they would eventually be eaten because I hate wasting food.
I could also relate to this item as I have done pretty much exactly the same thing - on more than one occasion.
Improvements or corrections:
I have tried, but I cannot really find anything that I would necessarily want to correct. However, I wonder whether it could have been possible to extend this item further and describe, in even more detail, what you were doing on your travels and what we were up to in all the different places you visited.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: This review was bought for you at "Invalid Item" by Maryann with the message 'Thinking of you, Aunt Dottie!'
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
Interesting and intriguing choice of title.
The best bits:
This is a great example of "if I don't laugh, I'll cry". It is extremely easy to relate to this item - surely we've all been there? Full of great intentions but it just turns out to be a great big mess.
I really enjoyed the way you described everything in such detail. As a reader, I was able to picture everything that was going on in your kitchen.
I'm very glad that you weren't put off by this experience. I'm also glad you've decided to stick to the original ingredients. In my mind, if you're going to eat cheesecake, you have to do it in the proper (full fat) way. Enjoy!
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
For things like â1/2 cupâ and â10 inchâ â I would consider hyphenation â â1/2-cupâ and â10-inchâ
Here: âcornstarchâ doesnât look quite right, Iâm not sure if that is the official format, or not. However, Iâd consider hyphenation or even making it into two words â âcorn-starchâ OR âcorn starchâ
Here: âIt was submitted by Mary-Ellen Cocchi of East Williston, NYâ â this sentence appears incomplete, even though I know it isnât really. I would consider combining the previous sentence with this one â âIt was a recipe that I had cut out of a Family Circle Magazine in 2005, (comma) submitted by Mary-Ellen Cocchi of East Williston, NY.â
Typo: âAfterallâ is actually two words â âAfter allâ
Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
This title and description really caught my eye. I wanted to see how a story based on a nursery rhyme would be written.
The best bits:
This is a great take on the nursery rhyme and a very creative way of adapting it into a story.
I love all the character names. In my mind's eye I am able to picture them all in beautiful illustrative form. I think children would be able to grow to love them too.
Improvements or corrections:
As hard as I tried, I do not really have any thing to point out here. There were quite a few places when I stopped and thought "I'd probably put a comma there". However, this is less important in children's writing so I decided not to point this out. But, I am happy to return and do so, if that'd be helpful to you.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
I always like to try and get to know other WDC members via their writing. Therefore, I enjoy reading items based on personal experiences.
The best bits:
This is an entertaining and honest story of a ten year-old's day at a shopping mall.
I enjoyed the way this item was written from the girl's perspective, rather than written in the past tense. I think this enables the reader to relate to the story better.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Here: âMom wonât let me and Owen have a SegaâŚâ â Iâd consider changing the order of this, to make it grammatically correct - âMom wonât let Owen and I have a SegaâŚâ
I think âhula hoopâ should be hyphenated: âhula-hoopâ
Here: âIâm so excited, I put in my first two quartersâŚâ â I recommend using a semi-colon after excited, instead of a comma: âIâm so excited; I put in my first two quartersâ
Here: âI beat him too.NextâŚâ â this is just missing a space after the full stop â â. I beat him too. NextâŚâ
Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
This is a very well done piece of micro fiction. I've tried micro fiction a few times and struggle so I take my hat off to anyone who can do it well.
The title and item description provide a great start to this story - drawing me in and making me want to read on.
For me, it was not entirely clear that this was written from the child's perspective until right at the end. However, I think this is great and really adds to the tension/horror of the story!
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
I wasn't exactly drawn in by the title, as such. However, the description indicates that this item will hold you idea of a perfect day. I love trying to get to know WDC members. So, I thought finding out about your perfect day would help me with this.
My interpretations; what the item is trying to tell me:
Part of a story that watches as a relationship unfolds, bit by bit.
The best bits:
I really enjoyed this item. I felt that it offered a frank and honest snippet of your life. The vocabulary utilised here really allowed me to picture where you were and imagine what you could see and feel throughout the day.
I am interested in how this relationship developed now. Therefore, I will endeavour to return and read on.
Improvements or corrections:
Try as I might, I do not really have any thing to point out here. However, for some reason, this sentence doesn't sit well with me: "Friday morning the fate of the apples did not worry me." I think a simple "on" at the start of the sentence would do.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
Seen as we are heading towards another WDC birthday, I felt it was appropriate that I should come across this item. Therefore, I just had to read on and offer you a review.
The best bits:
I really enjoyed this item. I was fascinated by the fact that you wrote this after only a month of your membership here. You were obviously very taken by the community and felt like you had found somewhere where you were able to be comfortable. This clearly comes across in your writing.
I think the colour and emoticons really bring the poem to life and add to the occasion that the item is celebrating.
Improvements or corrections:
Try as I might, I cannot find anything to point out here. I'm normally very picky so well done!
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I was just meandering through your port when I happened to stumble across this here folder. I started to get a bit excited since I love fantasy, of all kinds. However, It soon dawned on me that the shutters have gone down on this and the idea is no more.
Even if that is it for this group and there is no return, I wanted you to know that it looked great. It is definitely something I'd have been interested in joining if I had been around on WDC back then.
If this ever makes a come back, give me a shout
Thank you very much for the chance to take a wander through your port. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
I was intrigued by this title/description. I really found myself wanting to know about this lonely man. Especially as it was depicted as a horror story.
The best bits:
For me the descriptive language is what makes this item good and is able to draw the reader in. The piece takes a relatively good deal of time making sure we know exactly what we should be seeing/imagining. This is great.
However, because of this, there is a great deal of scope for you to extend this item much further. As a reader I was left with too many questions. Why was he alone and everything so dirty? What was he going to do with the axe? Was that the horror part? I felt it, but I wanted it expanded on.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as gospel.
Typo: âeachotherâ â should be âeach other'.
Typo: âgoldne earringsâ â should be âgolden earringsâ
Here: âyet healthy colour which gaveâ â Iâd recommend a comma after âcolourâ â âyet healthy colour, which gaveâŚâ
Typo: âfinger printsâ should be one word â âfingerprintsâ
Here: ââŚthrough the windows which haven't beenâŚâ - Iâd recommend a comma after âwindowâ - ââŚthrough the windows, which haven't beenâŚâ
Regardless, I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title:
When choosing this item to read, it was merely because it was about a traveller and felt impelled to find out why his day ended in tragedy. Now I know.
My interpretations; what the item is trying to tell me:
A story of one of the 9/11 victims
The best bits:
Really, there are not best bits in this story. It really is tragic. However, the writing and the portrayal of the story is impeccable!
To be honest, it took me a while to work out what this item was really about. But I am just slow on the up take. Once I realised, the item seemed to fit together perfectly.
A simple story that could break the heart of anyone able to remember that horrific day.
Improvements or corrections:
I have searched high and low to find something to correct. However, I do not have anything to point out here.
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon ☺ xx
I am reviewing this piece for: I've just popped by to offer you WDC Simply Positive account birthday review :)
I do not claim to be an expert in writing or reviewing. Therefore, these are just my opinions and you may feel free to use or discard them.
Title and description:
I was intrigued when I saw this item. I wanted to know the story of this mother and daughter: I wanted to know why they might be inseparable.
The best bits:
This is a lovely story about how a mother and daughter do not have to see eye to eye all the time to be best of friends and share a special love!
My mum and I have a relationship a lot like the one portrayed here. Therefore, I found it really easy to relate to the characters.
Improvements or corrections:
I do not have many things to point out here. The things I do point out are just my opinion so not to be taken as definite.
I thought this was a good story. However, I felt lost at times, as if the story was jumping to and fro. For example, the daughter calls her mother at work, then the following paragraph begins: "Meanwhile, Rubina was posing in front of her full length mirror..." 'Meanwhile' indicates she is doing this while on the phone. Is this correct? It doesn't quite fit.
Just a few minor corrections for you to consider:
Spreadsheets is technically two words: spread sheets.
âshow piecesâ is technically one word: showpieces.
Full length should really be hyphenated: full-length.
Modeling has two Ls: modelling
I really enjoyed reading this item and I hope my comments have helped a little; at least. Thank you very much for the read. I hope I get the opportunity to read more of your work at some point soon xx
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