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Hi Ann,

I wasn't able to find anything misspelled, but the flow was a little off, but not by a lot, but that is the problem the flow is off by such a little bit it's hard to spot just where it's off. I hate to be the one to do this but it's so close to being perfect that I'm going to have to break it down part by part. I'm only going to do the first two stanzas so it's not to over bearing. And I would like you to note that I do think this is a wonderful poem, I'm just trying to help you work out the flow. If you don't like what I have to say don't worry about it. It’s still your poem and you’re the only one that can change anything about it. This is just one parson's thoughts.

"There’s that feeling again," this and the next line are really what sets your base flow.

"It always creeps up on me," so far it seems a little like reading a book.

"Usually when I least want it to." the word usually is a bit odd here, if you were to take that word out I think it would make it feel less like a book. Poems don't have to have complete sentences.

"I just don’t want others to see." now here you go this has a really good flow to. It reads less like a book.

"When I feel myself falling apart" this line has about the same flow as the one before it. I would try to make the rest of the lines have the same flow as these two do.

"I need something to keep me whole." will that makes three that fit together.

"A bunch of pills, small in size," now this would make a good point to change the flow, the flow of this like fits in with the other three but it a bit different, which makes it a good point to change flow, as long as it the same flow as this line.

"Is that enough to drown the woe?" and by the looks of this you’re really starting to find your flow. Just by look at the first two stanzas it looks like this if the first draft of this pome. Most poems do need to be reread and sometimes even rewritten like with any good book.

All in all you will just need to read though the lines and see if you can find how to make it better, if you make any changes to it I would love to read it again and hopefully change my rating. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem and I hope I have been of some help.


Keep writing,

Song Bird,

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"Invalid Item" 

this was a vary cool poll. I'm surprised more people picked the middle of the road over John Wayne, but then again not all people had a Papa like mine. he loved western movies. I wasn't thinking I would have seen any votes I'm not interested in Westerns, but there they are. you would think if thay didn't like them they wouldn't even click on something western. anyway there wasn't any mistakes and you made your self vary clear. I thought your PS was really cute and it made me smile.

Keep writing,

Song Bird,

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Happy Anniversary! I hope you have been having a wonderful year and have a even more so next year. it's really cool how you have what an ode is at the bottom of the page. I have hared people wounder what it meant.

now about this wonderful poem. I love it. the flow is perfect. when I was reading it I kept thinking of the cool summer and spring rain that I lover so much. I love every bit of this poem. it's just perfected. I wound really be surprised if this wasn't published. what is it published? and if not when is it going to be? I mean it. I think this poem should be published. it's just to good not to be. thank you so much for sharing this wonderful poem.

what ever you do Keep Writing!,
Song Bird,

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RandomRead

Hello,



The first thing that popped it to my head was wow, This is a sweet poem, but I would like you to reread it out loud. I'm not sure how, but it seems a little off to me. I think it may be the flow. The part I really like is the second stanza, it's perfect do not change it, it's the best part of the whole poem. I love the feeling behind the poem, but it's a little bit fussed over. if you do edit this poem I would love to reread it and hopefully change my rating.

With all do respect,

Song Bird,

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"Invalid Item" 

"Invalid Item" 

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Ok, This is really good, and I mean really good. I have desided to lower the word count. It really is to big of a number. I have done a lot of rounds but your the first to post a short story, I wounder if the word count was why? anyway, this is a wounderful story, I could not find anything wrong with it. good job!

Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

ok this is a Wonderful image. the Dragon looks like he was reading the book and got tired so he just decide to sleep on it. ^-^ It is so cute!!, It looks more like a story book then a spell book, but that's ok because if some one has never seen a real spell book would be able to tell, and plus the dragon takes my mind off it the wording of the book.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

2 out of 3 reviews

this is another wonderful idea. And it too could use a banner, there are a lot of really good Image makers on WDC if you don't what to have to make it yourself. I could give you the links to the ones I know of if you like. other then that it's still a wonderful idea that reminds me of my favorite one here on WDC "Invalid Item" , and if you well and can have me I would love to join.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

ok this is a awesome idea. adding a banner to it would be a good Idea to, like you could have something for the different parts of it on it and have Welcome to the Forum for Superheroes, Super Powers, Transformations, and Magic! also on the banner so that it doesn't look odd, or just put some emoticons over it and put Welcome to the Forum for Superheroes, Super Powers, Transformations, and Magic! in bold. they both would work. ^-^ and if you well let me I would love to join. Being a real life witch I know a lot about magic, real and fake,

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

3 out of 3 reviews

this sig is awesome. Edger Allan Poe is one of my favorite Writers. it sig reminds me of his poem the Raven. it's very gothic, and not as in the now a day gothic. I mean the old meaning for it. I think even Edger himself would like it.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

2 out of 3 reviews

this poem is very sweet. it has wonderful flow and a sloft but strong power. It reminds me of my boyfriend. I always find my self feeling as if my haert is singing when ever I talk to him. this is one of the best poems I have ever read, thank you so much for sharing.

Don't ever Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

ok this is a really good poem, but it is a little off in four lines, I do understand that it would be very hard to have something else there that also goes with the word, so I'm not going to take any stars away for that, I couldn't even think of anything else that could go there, but I well tell you were it seems a little off to me just in case you can. the first two T's in Bittersweet, and the O and the first S in Rosebuds. other then that It's an amazing poem. thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

this is a wonderful poem, the placing of the words in the lines is very well done. and it has a good flow and a very soft power to it, the kind that after you read it you get a little warm feeling in your heart, thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

3 out of 3 reviews

wow, she died, I didn't see that coming, I thought that the bear and dove would come and save her or something. there are no spelling or grammar mistakes. and it was written very well, and it made me cry a lot,

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

ok, first I'm not fully sure what a prose is, but it seems to be a lot like a poem. I'm not sure that it should be rated E because of the last three lines. it has wonderful flow, and it's very sweet, thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

Ok, know you have done it, you have made me smile and cry, both are hard to do with a lot a poem. but you did it, Bravo! I have never even talked to you before and I can tell just how you most have felt when you wrote this poem. I couldn't find anything wrong with this poem, Bravo! thank you for the wounderful read

Don't ever stop Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

2 out of 3 reviews

this is a wonderful idea. I can do the first challenge but not the other one I even have a poem about the people I'm thankful for, the stories are a wonderful touch, I wonder how you got them to do that link like thing, it would be awesome if I could so that for "Invalid Item" , thank you for sharing this wonderful idea.

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

what a wonderful poem it reminds me of my own mother, but I guess the good ones are all like that, in there own way. It's very sweet and has wonderful flow and rhythm my favorite part has to be..

So on this, your special day,

Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

3 out of 3 reviews

It's really funny and it's really cool that you and lunamarcher wrote it together. I think I have heard the name some were before but I'm not sure, the last lines a little off from the rest of it but the rest has good flow. thank you for the wonderful read ^-^

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

2 out of 3 reviews

wow, that's awful, not the poem but what happened to the river, it has a lot of power me hind the words, and flows wonderfully, i can't help but think whats wrong with people, we all know that what we have done to the planet is wrong but the people that have the power to fix it are reluctant to do so because it would cost them money, It's really missed up, this poem really shows that something wrong as been done to that river, thank you for the wonderful read

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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Elven Tea Garden Jail A-Thon

1 out of 3 reviews

it's really cute ^-^ I could almost see the little squirrel grabbing the acorn, bravo! ^-^ you also got the 5,7,5 form mat perfectly. my favorite part has to me the squirrel, lol. it has wonderful flow and rhythm

Keep Writing

Song Bird

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