This is wonderful, Renea !!
I love this Haiku. It is well
written. And, you managed to
communicate your message
with fun and enthusiasm. I hope you'll write
much more.
One small error, Renea.
Replace Laying with Lying. Otherwise
this is just great !
Congratulations. Haiku is
fun, isn't it.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.com
as much as I am. This is a great
forum and as you'll discover,
we are a very special community of
helpful supportive people.
Don't hesitate to reach out if you
need help with anything.
In the meantime, keep on writing.
I'm going to be looking for more
of your work :)
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a wonderful melancholy story
with a lovely ending.
The story is nicely constructed. You
deliver a message about how it
is to lose a family member when we're
young very effectively.
I remember losing my grandmother.
She was a tremendous source of support and
encouragement for me. The day she died was
a sad day, much like Stephen's in your
story.
There are small errors here and there
throughout the piece that can be
easily fixed. If you're willing to work on
this a bit, I think you'd find you can
boost your story's rating.
If want help, I'd be glad to take
the time to give you feedback. Just let me know.
You have ability, great instincts
and an eye for details. I hope you'll
stick around and keep on writing.
A warm welcome to Writing.com. This
is a great community of supportive writers,
as you'll discover. I look forward
to seeing more of your work, Matt.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A small but powerful poem. The message is
much bigger than the six lines you use to
convey it. Bravo, Galad.
I offer a couple of suggestions to help
you get the best possible rating for your
poem:
1) Add a comma after gone;
2) Add a period after themselves;
3) If you do that, "for" becomes For;
4) "if it was" should be
changed to if it were;
5) You might find it reads
better to switch lived
and livid.
The poem itself is good, Galadhwen.
I know that you're a new writer
on W.com. I hope you're enjoying it
and you'll keep on writing. I'm
going to enjoy seeing more of your
work. You have real ability.
This is a terrific poem.
One that is intriguing,
intelligent and well
written. It is a great
first poem. One that you
have every reason to be
proud of.
If you fix up a couple of
the small spelling errors, etc.,
you'll set yourself up for
the best possible reviews.
1)Satured isn't a word. Did you
mean saturated ?
2)roots is root's if it's possessive
3)disentigrates should be disintegrates
4)mankinds should be mankinds'
5)"in the bean it use to grow"..
did you mean it used to grow ?
5)"our minds are kept out cold"--did you
mean our minds are kept numb or out in the
cold ?
I hope you will
take advantage of Writing.com
to write much more.
This is a wonderful community
of very special people.
As you're settling in, please
sing out if you need help or
guidance of any kind.
Best of luck with your poetry.
You have great instincts and ability.
I'm looking forward to seeing
more of your work :)
All the best,
Gabriella
This is beautiful in
its spirituality.
I admire your devotion
and trust in a greater
power. You write so
well. This poem is a song,
lively, hopeful and full of
promise. You write very
well. You are uniquely at one
with your poetry, a very
special characteristic.
Thank you for sharing it.
I notice that you're a
new author here. Warmest
welcome to you. I hope
you'll continue writing.
I look forward to seeing
more of your work.
All the best, Gabriella
I have no doubt you'll become a very
fine poet. I like your writing.
It's full of life and it's consistently
exciting to read. This piece is brimming with
energy; it's fun to see you
having such a good time thinking about your potential.
I particularly like the last line
of this piece. I hope you'll continue to write
lots more. I look forward to seeing
more of your work.
I noticed you're a new author here.
A warm welcome to Writing.com.
You'll find this is a remarkable
community full of terrific people and
some very fine writers.
Best of luck with your poem
and your writing. Gabriella
A cute funny poem.
I liked it !
I hope you'll keep
on writing. You
have great instincts
and a wonderful
sense of humor.
This is a unique
poem. You'll do well
here. I'm looking
forward to seeing more
of your work :)
I hope you're enjoying
the forum. This is
a wonderful community
of caring supportive
writers. Have a great
weekend. Warmest best,
Gabriella
Your poem sends a wonderful
message. It has a spiritual
quality that is touching
and important.
I'd love to see you do a
little work on it so the poem will
realize the kind of
positive feedback it deserves.
Structure:
First, try to make a decision
about the number of lines
you'll make each stanza and
be consistent.
There is a kind of discipline
that you can commit to by
trying to keep the sentences
a somewhat similar length.
You accomplished that in the
beginning; you can carry it
throughout your poem with a little
effort.
Spelling and Grammar:
1)1st sentence: "along" should be "a long"
2)3rd sentence: lord should be Lord
Second stanza:
3)1st sentence: eliminate "little"
you use small with it; they mean the same thing.
4)2nd sentence: never use & instead of "and"
Third and Fourth Stanza:
1) Suggest eliminating 3rd stanza, it says
exactly what you say in the 4th stanza
Fifth Stanza:
1)2nd sentence: Never use "U" instead of you
3rd and 5th sentences: replace & with "and"
Sixth Stanza:
1)In the final line, lords should be Lord's
Ninth Stanza:
1)3rd sentence: god should be God
Eleventh Stanza:
1) Rewrite: When I went home, my mom asked me:
"Didn't you bring me any flowers today" ?
I said nothing, instead I ate and went to my room
2)Switch & to "and" throughout your poem.
3)The last sentence in that stanza is missing a word.
Did you mean "In" the garden ?
Twelfth Stanza:
1)It should begin with And. god should be God.
Thirteenth Stanza:
1)god should begin with a capital G: God.
Your idea for this poem is wonderful and so
timely. If you want great ratings, take a
little time to polish it so the sentences
are closer to the same length throughout and
the spelling etc. is cleared up. You are on
your way to building a wonderful poem !
You have real potential, Rose...don't be
discouraged looking at these changes. You'll
find they aren't so tough to make. Even if you
work on some of these suggestions, you'll
find the poem will be a bit easier to read.
Best of luck to you. I hope these suggestions
are helpful. Gabriella
Alex: this is a thoroughly
delightful small
poem. It's a lark
to read. Bravo !
You have real talent.
I'm looking forward
to reading more
of your work.
One small suggestion:
How about capitalizing
"look" at the beginning
of your poem. Otherwise,
it's wonderful !
Good luck with your
poem and your writing,
Alex.
Warmest best,
Gabriella
I am so pleased to read about
"We Love In-Depth Reviews" and your
work identifying and acknowledging
excellent indepth reviewers. I am
almost exclusively a newbie reviewer.
My objective is a bit different than yours,
but as new writers get settled in, and
grow in the ability to write and
accept in-depth feedback, indepth reviews
are by far the most meaningful way for
a budding author to improve and grow.
The intelligence, experience and expertise
of the reviewer is so important to
delivering intelligent constructive
criticism and feedback. I applaud your
efforts to root out and reward great reviewers in
light of the remarkable amount of work they
give to constructing indepth reviews for all
of us year-round. It is therefore such a pleasure
to be able to contribute a handful of gift
points to your cause. This is a wonderful
project. Best of luck and warmest thanks
for all you do and give,
Gabriella
This poem was written from
the heart. It's a strong
statement, one that is
both compelling and
touching. I love the transition
you make mid-poem
from downtrodden to positive,
never again allowing past
disappointments and sadness to
define your future or your
potential. Bravo !
I like your spirt and your
determination. They shine right
through in the last few lines
of the poem--you deliver a positive message
that is restorative and
encouraging. Well done !
I hope you're enjoying the forum
and making your way around
comfortably. You have real potential
to become a capable writer here.
This is a remarkable resource
and a beautiful community of
encouraging supportive writers.
Best of luck to you with your
poem and your writing.
I look forward to seeing more
of your work :)
This poem is wonderful, Karen.
It communicates a message
that is familiar to many
of us. You've developed
your own beautiful voice and an ability
to write that is very
impressive. At age 14, I couldn't
begin to write this well.
You have a kind of wisdom
and maturity that I admire.
One small error: dieing
should be dying. Otherwise
the poem is great.
I hope you'll keep on writing.
I'm looking forward to returning to
your portfolio to look for
more of your work. You have
real potential, Karen.
Good luck with this poem and
your writing.
I hope you're enjoying the
forum as much as I am. This
is a wonderful community of
writers, many of whom are kind and
supportive, as you'll see.
This is an extrordinary poem.
Your choice of words and the
wonderful paintings you pen
are vivid and fascinating;
wonderful to read. I particularly
like the last stanza: "Men and women's
daily races; fights repentance
and embraces"....what a wonderful
poem !
I'm going to plan to return to
visit your portfolio to
see more of your work. I look
forward to it with great
anticipation. Your poems are
intricate and fascinating,
never dull. Bravo !
I hope you're enjoying the forum
as much as I am. This is a great
resource with a terrific
community of writers. Best of
luck with this poem and your
writing,
What a remarkable poem.
Your message is both
articulate and right on
the mark!! You deserve
5 stars for your poem's
content and for your
thoughtful ability to
share your story in such
wise sensitive terms. This
poem is a winner, Becky :)
I'm sure you'll get lots
of positive feedback.
I hope you'll continue writing.
You have real ability
and terrific potential. I'm going to
check back to read more of
your work as you continue to
write. I know you'll do well.
Best of luck with this poem
and your writing.
Don't hesitate to reach out if
you need a little help or guidance
making your way around Writing.com.
I know you've just recently joined.
This is a remarkable forum as I'm
sure you're discovering.
Lou, you write very well.
I'm so impressed with your
ability and the way you
choose your words; they fall
onto the page seamlessly.
Bravo ! I hope you're going
to write lots more. I'll
be returning to visit your
portfolio to read more
as you post new work.
A warm welcome to Writing.com,
Lou. This is a great forum filled
with wonderful people who
are supportive and generous.
Please don't hesitate to
reach out if you need help
at any point.
All the best, Gabriella
An elegant poem, worthy of much
praise and reward. I hope
you're going to continue writing
lots more. Your writing is
beautifully expressive, gentle
and spiritual. Thank you for
sharing it with us. I will
come back to visit your portfolio
with hopes of reading more
of your work.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.com
as much as I am. It's a great forum
with a terrific community of
generous supportive writers.
Congratulations on this poem, Strique.
Best of luck to you going forward.
Gabriella
A wonderful poem.
I love the picture
you create of the
fruits rolling to
his feet. And, I like
you're ending too. I
see you've had your
work published. Not
surprising; it's
very good. Thank you
for sharing it.
I hope you'll enjoy
Writing.com as much as
I have been. It's a
very special writer's forum
despite its size. You
will find some wonderful
people who are also fine writers
here as well as lots of folks
looking to write and
improve. I've enjoyed
visiting your portfolio.
I'll check back again,
hoping to see more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a beautifully written poem.
I loved reading every word. You
write well, Leaforte. I hope you'll
continue. It's always a pleasure
to read your work. Congratulations.
You've earned these 5 stars !
Best of luck to you, Gabriella
I like this poem. It's well
written and interesting.
It's also very sad. I visited
your portfolio and found
much of your work deals with
loss and unrequited love.
You write about it with
real authority. If this is
your experience, you've carried
it to your readers in a way
that is both compelling
and extremely touching. Keep on writing,
Leaforte. You have real ability.
I hope you're enjoying the
forum as much as I am. This
is a wonderful resource. And,
the community of writers here
are generous and loving as
well as being devoted to their
craft. I'll look forward to
seeing more of your work.
Best of luck to you, Gabriella
Once in a while I come
across a poem/song that
is a 5-star piece of writing
from the first to the last
line. This is one of
those. The tale you tell
is compelling and sad.
Your style is uniquely yours;
you communicate beautifully.
I particularly like the effort you
put into its construction. It has the feeling
of a song. I hope you are
planning to write lots more.
You have real ability, AJ !
I'm so pleased to have had
the chance to read this.
Congratulations !
Warmest best, Gabriella
Your message is a wonderful
reminder to all of us. I
loved reading this poem
and applaud you for your
wisdom. The poem is fun to
read and a lark. I do think
it matters that you check your
spelling. You'll get better
ratings if your poems are
presented as professionally
as possible. It's a wonderful
habit to adopt, to check
spelling before turning your
poem loose for reviewers like
me to read. Just a suggestion.
You'll decide if it is a useful
one. Two suggested changes: ment
should be meant. Never use U for
the word YOU :) I hope this
helps. In the meantime, thanks
for the fun I had reading your poem.
Good luck with it and with your
writing. Warmest best,
Gabriella
A poem filled with anquish and pain
beautifully communicated ! You
share your wrenching
frustration over the distance
separating you from
the one you love in deeply
touching terms. All of us
have experienced this kind of gap in one
way or another in life. You
bring it all back with your
articulate and sensitively expressed
poem. Thank you for sharing it.
I hope you're enjoying the
forum as much as I am. This
is a wonderful community of
writers who are generous
and supportive. I know you'll
enjoy it. I'll look forward to coming
back to see more of your work.
Keep on writing; you have real
ability.
A lovely poem, Alison.
I love this one. You
reach out and touch us (your readers) with
this delightfully
sweet straight-forward
message, written to someone
very special. You have a way of
pulling your readers in
right close to
experience your happiness
as though it were our own. Bravo,
Alison. I hope you'll keep
on writing. I look forward
to seeing lots more of your
poems :) Warmest best,
Gabriella
You've got such a vivid
imagination. It's clear that you
enjoy creating strong visual poetry.
Your opening lines remind
me of "Phantom of the Opera"
but then you move on and
speak, using a colorful palette
of descriptive words and phrases.
The poem sings. It speaks of your
love in dramatic terms. I wondered about
a few of the very long sentences.
I wonder if you feel you might like
to shorten them a bit. Whatever you
decide, this is a wonderful poem.
Good luck with it and with your
writing. I look forward to
seeing much more of your work :)
Warmest best, Gabriella
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gabriellar45/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/20
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.65 seconds at 12:17pm on Jul 02, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
