This has the feel of a wonderful Scottish poet whose work I used to read and love. You write well; the pictures you make with your words are lovely. I
admire your ability. If you have figured out how to edit your work, you might change i'll (3rd line) to I'll and make a space between it and the word before.
I love " I am a dream growing within the grooves of your heart, there I will always be"....it's a lovely phrase. I looked at your portfolio to discover you are a young writer. This is very fine writing for a young writer. I hope you'll write a lot more.
A warm welcome to you. I see you've just joined
Writing.com. I hope you'll enjoy it here as much
as I do. There is much to offer, especially
great community of wonderful people. Please
don't hesitate to ask if you need help of any
kind to get settled, able to write and store
your work, etc.
Best of luck to you. I'll check back from time
to time to read more of your work.
Gabriella
A warm welcome to you.
I see you've just
recently joined Writing.Com.
I enjoyed reading your
poem. You've got potential,
Noah. I hope you'll write
lots more and take advantage
of the resources here. I've
learned and improved a lot
as a result of the reviews I've received
and the great tools made available
to all of us here.
A couple of small suggestions
for you in thinking about your poem:
I think yeas is meant to be years,
is'nt it ?
And perposed, proposed ?
Easy to fix type-os that
any of us can make. I think
your poem will fare better if you can
fix those. Look underneath your
poem on your portfolio, you'll
see a tiny edit function, hit
that and you'll see how easy it
is to make repairs when needed
from here on.
If I understood, your secret
is that the man you refer to
in your poem became John
in your mind after he died.
Not so strange, but a bit sad
too.
Thank you for sharing your
poem. It's nice to meet you, Noah.
I enjoyed reading your poetry.
Keep on writing :)
A wonderful poem and a sad
one as long as your love
for this special person remains
buried deep inside.
This poem was penned with sincerity
and love. It leaves us,
aching for you to let this person know
that you care. It's a special love note
expressed in verse form.
A couple of tiny suggestions:
cant should be can't,
Jus is Just, relize is realize,
and feelins should be feelings.
Though I know sometimes we
hear singers dropping the G
at the end of the word. You'll
decide what's best to do.
Finally, I think it will boost
your reviews if you include
punctuation (using commas and
periods when needed to finish a
thought). Nice work, Giggles.
Good luck to you.
A warm welcome to Writing.Com.
I hope you're enjoying it as much
as I am :) Keep on writing. I'll
check your portfolio
from time to time to see how you're
doing. Warmest best, Gabriella
Two related poems; I loved reading
both. Each is as sweet and adoring
as the other. What woman wouldn't
love to read a poem like either of
these, only to discover that the man
behind it is someone very
special. I admire your writing and
your heart. You love openly and with
much sincerity. I especially like your
introductory comment: "Oh how the body
will entertain variety, but the heart
will always stay true."
A warm welcome to Writing.com. I hope
you'll continue to write poetry. I will
enjoy visiting your portfolio to see
how you're progressing.
Good luck with your poetry. Warmest
best, Gabriella
I like that you write with your own
voice and you find the words to write
what you really feel about love and
finding the right guy.
Your structure is good and your
rhyming is consistent. I noticed
that you say your primary
requirememt is that the guy of your
dreams should be sweet and
funny with an interest in sports.
Sounds like you're clear about
what is most important.
Do you really mean that he doesn't need
to earn a living ? I wondered about
that. And, I also wondered what you
mean by "as long as he is perfect"...
What is your idea of perfect, is it
covered by the couple of items you mentioned
in the poem ?
Other than those couple of questions,
I found this a sweet and whimsical poem.
It reminds all of us how much fum it is
to daydream.
I hope you're enjoying Writing.com as
much as I am :) A belated warm welcome
to you. I hope you'll reach out if
ever you need a little support or you
have questions. It was
fun reading this poem. I hope you'll write
lots more.
Outstanding !
A poem we can all relate to,
it's so well constructed
and articulate.
Your opening stanza is
powerful. It sets the stage
for the rest of your message.
And, it rings true. You
don't romanticize the kind
of fight that turns hearts
to stone, even if only for
a few moments. You convey
all of the heartache and
frustration with such fluid
lines and heartfelt emotions.
I'm so glad to have had the
chance to read your work.
I'll enjoy looking at your
portfolio. Good luck with your
writing. I hope you're
enjoying Writing.com as
much as I am. Reach out if
ever you need a little support
or encouragement.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a lovely melancholy
story conveyed in a verse format.
It has an old fashioned
feeling. It harks back to Christmas
past, of times when the season
was more about family, being together
and remembering "absent friends"..
Your poem is sentimental and sweet.
A loving tribute to the passing
of generations.
I would love to see you work a little
on the structure of the poem, breaking
it into stanzas where appropriate, and
giving attention to using commas and
periods to mark the completion of a
thought. See what you think as you look
back over the poem. I'm sure you can
do a little reorganizing without much
effort.
I loved having a chance to read your poem,
Anastasia. Good luck with it. This poem
has real substance. Bravo !
Warmest best,
Gabriella
Candy, once in a while I see something here that I think is just wonderful. I love your message. It comes from your heart and is such a treat to read. We've all read a variety of interpretations of "beauty." I particularly like yours: "Beauty is unexplained simplicity; it is natural. It is not a manicured personality complete with a flashy smile and a mask of makeup. It is a reality, complete with life death and everything in between" This is a truly elegant statement. I hope you're going to keep on
writing :) You've done a great job with this piece. Warmest best, Gabriella
A beautiful poem written by a
gorgeous woman with a heart of
gold and remakable talent.
You'll always be one of my heroes
here, Marlena. I'm so proud to
know you. This poem is incredibly
touching and so well written.
It was a treat to read.
Warmest best, Gabriella
An expressive short poem
that communicates your story
remarkably well. I'm going
to enjoy checking your portfolio.
I'm going to enjoy reading more of your
work. One small suggestion:
scorchs should be changed
to scorches. Keep on writing !
Good luck with
your poem and your writing.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A glorious well written poem !
I'm impressed. This harrowing
reminder of war is beautifully
recollected. You chose your
words well and you've created
a poem that is taut and
compelling. Congratulations.
I hope you'll let me know
when you write more. I like
your work. Warmest best,
Gabriella
Your poem is a glorious breath of spring.
And a lovely tribute the lady too !
When I look out my window early
each morn, I think of
your line: "every soul should bow
with reverence, and salute the
great Miss Spring"....it's beautiful
where I live; the trees
and flowers are bursting with
blooms. Thank you for your terrific
poem. Warmest best, Gabriella
A beautiful heart rending
poem. I'm so sorry you've
lost your Grandmother.
Your poem tells us how
difficult it must have been
to see her through those last
days. The power of your love
for her shines in this articulate
sad poem. You chose your words
lovingly and you write
very well. Your grandmother
must have been so proud
of you :) I hope you'll
write lots more.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Isa, since we keep 5-star ratings for the best of the best, I've kept mine for you ! I like your treatise on reviewing, especially that you are frank open minded, sensitive and appreciative. Your ideas and the effort you put into sharing them are useful and beautifully stated. Sensitive reviewing, particularly where budding writers and new members are concerned, is a critical part of the success of Writing.com. With only a few exceptions, I've been fortunate to have been
encouraged and supported by some of the forum's most enthusiastic, thoughtful members since I joined. As a result, it's a pleasure to turn around and give the gift of support and encouragement to other new authors too. Bless you for your straight forward comments and suggestions. This piece deserves high marks. It's well organized, beautifully articulate, and right on the money ! Thank you so much for sharing this work. Good luck with it and with your fine writing !
A shattering poem
about a sad moment.
You paint an agonizing
picture of a heart
breaking with such a
clear picture of the
physical hurt. I liked
this poem and your style.
I hope you'll keep on
writing poetry. You have
real potential. Thank
you for sharing your work.
Best of luck to you, Stay
in touch. I'd love to see
more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I love this poem, especially
its unique style and fresh perspective.
Your voice shines through
as do your ideas about quality
of life and living. I thoroughly
enjoyed reading it and your writing
style. I hope you keep on writing
lots more poetry. I'll look
forward to checking your portfolio.
Keep in touch. I hope you will
let me know when you've posted
more work.
A beautiful few lines.
I wished for more if
only because I feel you
have much to say.
Thank you for sharing this.
I'm going to enjoy checking
out your portfolio.
Good luck with this poem
and your writing. I hope
you'll write more poetry.
You have real ability.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A wonderful poem with a
very special message that
we can all relate to.
Thank you for sharing it.
You write beautifully.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading
your work. One tiny suggestion:
check your use of punctuation.
It'a a small improvement for a poem
that is already terrific :)
Warmest best, Gabriellla
Another gem;
wonderful images too.
You've constructed a
very fine poem.
It's a joy to read.
I've enjoyed all of your
work. Keep on writing !
All the best,
Gabriella
You're a diver and a
very fine poet too !
Thank you for the fun
I've had reading your
work. You have real
talent. I'm so glad to
see that you're
continuing to write.
I look forward to reading
more. Gabriella
This is a wonderful piece, laced with just the right amount of humor, pratical facts, and the discussion of a topic we can all relate to. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. There are tiny errors here and there. If you want to achieve the best ratings, clean up your work before you post your final copy. A couple of examples: molded into black, disfigured might best be: molded into black and disfigured.
In the same paragraph (1), what lays beyond THEY should
be what lays beyond THEIR. In a later paragraph (3),
cut from a PERSONS should be PERSON'S. I hope these
few suggestions are helpful.
Great work ! I hope you keep on writing. I'll look forward to seeing more of your work.
Thanks for sharing this.
Good luck with it.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A touching poem written
to a heartbroken parent
in his daughter's name.
What a loving gesture :)
The poem is so dear; it's
angelic. Your gesture is
such a thoughtful kind one.
A couple of small suggestions:
take away the ; after BUT in
the first sentence, and
dispair is spelled despair.
Otherwise, the poem is wonderful.
Thank you for sharing your work.
A warm welcome to Writing.com
I'm so glad to have had this chance
to read your writing. I hope you
write lots more and come to enjoy the forum
as much as I do. Please feel
free to touch base if ever you
need any help or support. Warmest
best, Gabriella
Learn to walk away from the comments.
Sounds like you'd have to reform a large
group of people to change attitudes.
My best approach is to laugh and
respond with a "thank you" so the folks
who look to get a rise out of you
won't anymore. It may stop if you do
this. One last thought. None of us
see ourselves as others do. If there
is a chance your clothing is too tight,
and you're getting comments about that,
consider wearing shirts one size larger
than the ones that you've received
so many comments about. It's wonderful
that you take care of yourself and you've
arranged to have a great well toned body.
The bottom line is it occasionally I've
seen guys who dress in clothing that is
noticeably tight. In my humble opininion,
the most secure guys don't need to
advertise their nice bodies. Anyone can
tell that you're attractive from head to toe.
I'm guessing you don't need to do anything
to persuade the folks you come in contact
with. Best of luck to you, Gabriella
A nicely written poem, TL.
It's clever, smart
and taut. You chose your
words well and kept the
message on point. I like
your work. Thanks for
sharing it. Always fun to
discover capable writers
here. All the best,
Gabriella
Beauty is a gift and a challenge.
I agree, it is complex
and has many faces. This is both
thoughtful and direct.
You have real ability. I look
forward to reading more of your
work. Warmest best,
Gabriella
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