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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/georgestqueen
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2 Public Reviews Given
13 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by Sara Sara Sarita Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really liked this story a lot! It was very imaginative and creative and I did like the twist! The dialogue was well done and I liked the character developement a great deal!

I only gave it a four because there were a few grammar things that need editting, but other than that, I really liked the story. If you're interested, I've included the edits below. *Smile* Many are probably just typos, but what can I say? I tend to notice things like that.
>>>>>>>>
No-one
(no one)

They did not look red and evil as she had always imagined, but were steely blue, and surprisingly.
(What is 'surprisingly' modifying? If you keep surprisingly, you'll have to drop the 'and', otheriwse it doesn't make too much sense!)

"I need your help. please give me
(Please should be capitalized!)

"Indeed!.
(You don't need a period and an exclamation mark.)

village, towards her lovers house
('lovers' needs an apostrophe to show possesssion)

“And to think I believe you when
('believed' to show past tense)

part of the bargain!]
(Maybe a typo, but there's no need for a close bracket!)

pay your debt.!”
(No need for both a period and an exclamation point!)

“I know,” she replied softly. You kept your
(You need a quote before 'you'!)

need to go.!"
(no need for both end marks!)

It was a long time before Death replied. At last he spoke, so quietly that she had to raise herself on tiptoe and stand closer to hear his words,

“I was thinking how good it has been to have a companion on my travels, while I carry out my work. I have been lonely for all eternity, with no-one to talk to. I have enjoyed the company of someone who is not afraid of me”. He looked deep into her eyes. “You are not afraid of me, are you!”
(Keep the lines together. 'No one' is two words. The period goes inside the quotation marks! And, the 'are you' would be stronger if posed as a question, using a ? instead of a !)

faithless .With
(Probably a typo, but you don't need a space before the period!)


I hope thie was helpful! If you ever want a quick edit in the future, feel free to e-mail me! I really enjoy your writing and would be more than happy to help polish it up!
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