You poem is interesting and fun. I liked all of your similes and comparisons and the creatures that existed in the poem amused me. This poem could only be improved by some slight changes of word. Such as: 'note I must orchestrate my return'. This line does not flow like the others in the stanza. However, great poem.
I think your poem is amazing. The idea is great, the premise is interesting. The only thing I didn't like were some of the lines. For instance,
"houses can be made of chocolates and marshmallows.
Never spoiling of course."
This is a great idea, but it doesn't flow like the rest of the poem. I recommend reading aloud. Sometimes you don't notice things when you're typing them, and they can become easier to recognize when you are speaking.
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