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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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101
101
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I don't know a whole lot about Jesse James but I found this to be an interesting story and I think you have done a good job with the folklore genre. I really like how you lead in to the actual folktale and I enjoyed the style of this opening -- I felt like I was watching the family from a distance and although I didn't know who they were, the scene felt very familiar.

I also enjoyed how the tone of the story changes when Grandpa takes over the narration. You have given him a distinct voice, which is very effective.

I think the only problem for me really with this piece was that it was lacking in detail. I like to be able to picture things and I couldn't really do that. Also, I wasn't entirely sure about what message Grandpa was trying to get across. He says at the end that he often wonders about the price of his action and I wanted him to elaborate here. I didn't really get a sense of what it "cost" him personally to do what he did and how it affected him.

But overall I enjoyed reading this story and I think you have a talent for getting a certain "voice" across through your writing. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


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102
102
Review of The Swaggy  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Cherry Mac Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a nice story and I enjoyed reading about another country and culture. I think you did a good job with the folklore genre and I like how you integrated the three different tales. I liked your depiction of the character Prosper and got a good sense of what kind of person he is -- honest, hardworking, solitary.

I noticed a few errors in this piece so feel it could benefit from a careful edit. Also, I found there was quite a bit of repetition too, for instance this part:

'"I want you to have a good breakfast before you go. I'll get up and.make some scrambled eggs before you go.".

I wasn't sure about the repetition of "before you go" and thought it sounded a little odd. Also, there is a rogue full stop in this sentence between the words "and" and "make". Something like this might work instead:

"I want you to have a good breakfast before you go so I'll get up and make you some scrambled eggs."

I also felt that the characters' names were repeated too often and found this quite jarring. It also made the dialogue feel a bit unnatural to me, so I'd suggest cutting down on this a bit.

But overall I enjoyed this piece and I really liked the ending a lot. I like how a small detail at the beginning of the story became so important at the ending of it. Thank you very much for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.


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103
103
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Cherokee Rose Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a nicely written, fun short story about two brothers on a camping trip. I really enjoyed your depiction of the brothers and their relationship and I think you did a good job with the dialogue -- their banter felt natural and realistic to me.

I like how the story progresses and I love the ending. It's a shame for Ty though that he misses out on seeing the bigfoot and I was left wondering would he believe his brother when told about the experience!

Only a couple of things stuck out to me when reading. Firstly, this part:

'Ty and I both had light brown hair, and blue eyes, but had opposite personalities.'

I found this pulled me out of the story and wondered if there was another way to integrate it more effectively. Perhaps something like this?

'Although we looked alike with the same light brown hair and blue eyes, Ty and I had opposite personalities."

Or something to that effect. I just felt this part could be a little smoother.

I also found it quite hard to picture the bigfoot and would have appreciated a bit more description in this part. In particular, I couldn't really envision how it moved -- do they shuffle? Stomp? Something else? I wanted a clear image of him!

But overall I think this is a great story and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review useful.

~Jess.


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104
104
Review of The Visitors  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Quick-Quill Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a nice story with a strong message about helping others. It is hard for me to connect emotionally to stories like this, as I am not a religious or particularly spiritual person, but I can still appreciate the emotion you have created. I can see that many people would find this an inspiring and stirring read.

I felt this piece had a few problems that could use some attention. Firstly, I noticed several errors so feel it would greatly benefit from a careful edit. For example, the opening line doesn't make much sense and I think you need to remove either the word "made" or "plowed". Also, this part: '“Then you’re prayer was answered..."' "You're" should be "your".

I think you need to make it clearer when someone is thinking, rather than speaking as I felt the use of single quote marks to indicate thoughts was quite confusing. Maybe using italics would be more suitable for thought processes?

I felt there were some problems with the dialogue too, for instance this part:

“I don’t think you’re going to get a room there sir.” A man in a down coat, a deer hunter’s hat, large Surrel boots and fleece lined mittens nodded at the congested group.

“No, it doesn’t. I guess I’ll have to get my employer back on the road and head on up north.”

The response of "no it doesn't" doesn't fit with what the first person said. Maybe the first person should say something along the lines of "It doesn't look like you are going to get a room." Do you see what I mean?

I'm afraid I found the part where Karen asks the young woman what is wrong with her quite unbelievable. And if this happened in reality I would consider it shockingly rude! Would someone really ask something like this so directly, especially after just meeting the person? And the question, "What is wrong with you, if I may ask?" is only the second thing Karen says to this person, which just doesn't ring true. Is there a more realistic way to handle this scene? Could the young woman perhaps notice Karen staring at her in a concerned way? Or maybe she could struggle to set down the tray and as Karen rushes to help her could volunteer the information about her disability of her own accord? These are just a couple of suggestions off the top of my head.

I also found the scene with the young boy a little unrealistic. Would someone's first thought really be that the boy has come in to steal food? I personally would have assumed he lives in the house and would possibly ask him if he is David and Sara's son. I found it strange that Karen jumped so quickly to the conclusion that the boy is a thief.

Overall I like the idea of this story, and the positive message, but I had a hard time connecting with it because of the things I have mentioned. Thank you for sharing it. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


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105
105
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Gaby Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I think you did a nice job writing a story in the folklore genre and I enjoyed the tone of this piece. I really enjoyed your use of imagery too and had no problems imagining the scene of the gypsy camp. I particularly liked the second paragraph and also the market scene -- the writing is very lively here and I felt drawn into the story.

I wasn't really sure about the ending, to be honest. After such a big build up I think I was expecting something a little more... exciting? I'm not sure. I wanted to understand why the gypsy woman planted her scarf on Sarah and Emily and how she managed to find them later. When she asked to read Sarah's fortune I assumed she had something very important to tell her. You hint at something a little darker or deeper here:

"They went back to their house, but Sarah never mentioned to Emily what else she's been told."

But then nothing comes of it, unless I have missed the point. Apologies if I have!

I noticed a few things that could maybe use some attention. Firstly, this part:

"Washed laundry fluttered outside each tent as it was hung to dry."

I feel the writing could be tightened here as I don't think it is necessary to say "as it was hung to dry". Why else would the washing be hung outside? Do you see what I mean? Also, this part:

"Emily covered her nose and mouth with the long sleeve of her pink shirt she was wearing."

Again, I don't think it is necessary to say "she was wearing" as it is quite clear already that Emily is wearing it.

I had some trouble here too:

"The slight breeze picked up its pace and as she tried to throw her golden blond hair to the side, something caught her eye."

I am quite literal, so this read very strangely to me at first as I thought why is she throwing her hair?! I'm still not entirely sure what her action is here. Is she trying to sweep her hair out of her face? Toss is back over her shoulder? Is there a better way to phrase this?

Overall I think this story has a lot of potential. I like the idea and I think you have used imagery and description to great effect. I also think you have done a particularly good job with Emily's character -- she felt very real to me. Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful.

~Jess.


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106
106
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Fyn Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "Journey Through Genres: Official Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

It took me a little while to get used to the style of this story but once I did, I felt totally pulled in by it! The writing style really works well to create a distinct atmosphere for the dystopian future you have created. It helped me to picture the setting of a futuristic (yet seemingly primitive) society huddled around a fire telling folktales.

There were just a couple of things that stood out to me. Firstly, I had some trouble with the paragraph beginning:

'"“But jest like those who once walked up on the moon, they didn’t know what they might find there, now, did they? So they be all cautious-like til they be know they be safe..."'

I felt that the word "be" was repeated just a little too often in this paragraph. I know this is the way the characters speak but I felt the dialogue overwhelmed meaning here and I found it hard to follow. I'd suggest toning it down a bit at this point to ensure you get your meaning across.

I also had some trouble with this part:

'Tonight the Storyteller’s voice was different and it made her uneasy. Oh, she sounded the same, but there jest was sumthin’ there, thought Angel sleepily.'

At first I thought the Storyteller felt uneasy about something different in her own voice, which I felt was a little bizarre! But then I realised we are with Angel now. I think you need to make that clearer in the first sentence, maybe by replacing "made her uneasy" with "made Angel uneasy" and then changing "thought Angel" in the second sentence to "she thought".

But of course these are just suggestions and overall I found this to be a very effective, captivating story written in the folklore genre. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.


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107
107
Review of Sisters' Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lisa Noe Author Icon,

I found this to be a sweet, emotional poem and I think it is a lovely tribute to your sister. I have a sister too who is very special to me, so I really felt like I could connect to the emotion of this piece. I can especially relate to the second from last line -- I love to do this with my sister too and we often get carried away talking about our childhood and happy memories!

I just have a couple of suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. I found the rhythm of this poem to be a little uneven in places. This might be because of the variation in line length, which can often disrupt the flow, especially in rhyming poetry. It might be a good idea to try and use a more consistent syllable count. Also, I often find reading a poem aloud helps me to identify where the rough spots are. An even better way of doing this is asking someone to read the poem to you.

I'd also suggest watching out for "waste" or filler words, such as "so" and "very". Words like this don't really add anything to the writing and can make lines cumbersome sometimes. This is something I have to watch out for in my own writing.

I noticed a couple of errors. I think an apostrophe is needed in the word "sisters" in the title, probably after the final "s" as I think you are describing both your sister and yourself here. Also, the final word of the poem should be "too".

But overall I think this is a nice piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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108
108
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Doug Rainbow Author Icon,

You reviewed a poem of mine some time ago so I thought I'd return the favour! *Smile*

The title of this poem caught my eye as I was looking through your portfolio and I'm so glad I clicked it open because I think it is fantastic. What a wonderfully creative idea! I've never read anything like this before and I absolutely love the originality of it. I really don't know how you managed to make me feel emotion over mathematics, but you did! This piece is clever and I enjoyed the subtle jokes and witty play on words. I particularly liked this line:

"And the angle rather obtuse."

I really wasn't sure where you were going with this piece but the ending is just as clever as what comes before and it made me smile. I'm rating this poem five stars because I think it is perfect! Thank you very much for the great read.

~Jess

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109
109
Review of Spook  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello Shannon Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be a pretty intense and very emotional story about a man returning home after going through a traumatic experience. I think you have done a great job of conveying the horror of the situation, while not going into too much detail and making it too graphic. I like your interpretation of the contest prompt and another thing I think you did particularly well is show the reader what kind of a person Brogan used to be and what kind of a person he is now, or thinks he is now. It seems that before he went to war he was a typical young man with everything to live for. Now he feels totally broken and his speech about feeling as if he's now a spook, a ghost, a dead man, really tugged at my heart. His unwillingness to engage in the homecoming party really emphasises to the reader how he is feeling and how although he is physically home, mentally he is still in the POW camp.

I found the dialogue between father and son to be very moving and realistic. It seems like they have a strong relationship and that the father will do everything he can to support his son and help him get through the trauma. I feel that the story ends on a hopeful note and that made it a satisfying read for me.

Overall I think this is a great piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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110
110
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo! Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be such a heart-warming story about a young girl feeling neglected and unloved because of the arrival of her new baby brother. I think you have done a good job of depicting the central character. Siya is a typical seven-year old girl who yearns for her parents' attention and affection. I enjoyed her thought processes when she was hiding under the table, confiding in her teddy bear. I also really liked the little details in this story and enjoyed learning about another culture.

The story flows very nicely and I like how it unfolds. It's a familiar tale but I think you have told it an original way. The ending is sweet and I love how the family decide on Ved's other name.

I don't think there is much more I can say! I really enjoyed this positive, upbeat story. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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111
111
Review of Art of the Con  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello C. T. Hill Author Icon,

I am reviewing your story as a judge for "What a Character! : Official WDC Contest" Open in new Window.. Thanks for entering!

I found this to be an interesting and quite stylistic piece of writing. I got a good sense of who the main character is, though maybe not through his interactions at and reactions to the party, but more from the narration and the distinctive voice you have created for him. I found Aaron to be a pretty smooth guy and also a bit of charmer. He seems a little cocky to me too and this is what maybe gets him into trouble. I also get the feeling that he's maybe a bit selfish and uses people to get what he wants. Again, this leads to him getting into trouble as he quite seriously underestimates the woman he tried to use as a pawn.

I personally found this story to be quite choppy. It jumps about a lot and I sometimes felt pulled out of the story momentarily. I especially felt like this near the end, when you suddenly introduce Kale. I also think more clarification is needed here as I didn't really get who Kale is or why he suddenly pops up like that.

But overall I think this story has a lot of potential and I enjoyed reading it. I like how it turns out and I really think you have done a good job of giving your main character a distinct voice and personality. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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112
112
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Obg Author Icon,

I found this to be a fun poem about hunger and eating. I like the originality of this--I've never read a piece quite like this before! I enjoyed how you took a commonplace occurrence and created a story around it, putting your own spin on it. I like the personification of the food and the idea that it gets a rough ride once we have eaten it is quite comical!

I just have a few of suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I think the word "just" can be removed from the second line of the second stanza. I don't think it is necessary and it is hindering the rhythm a little bit.

In the third stanza, I think the word "whose" should be "who's", a contraction of "who is".

In the second line of the fourth stanza, I think the word "then" could be removed. Again, it isn't adding anything to the poem and the flow is improved without it. I also found the rhythm of the last line of this stanza to be a little uneven. It seems to have a beat or two too many, so maybe this is an area to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more.

Overall I really enjoyed this poem. I enjoyed the humour of it and the light-hearted tone. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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113
113
Review of Eranthis  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello J. David Phillips Author Icon,

I found this to be an unusual poem. I think you have done a good job of creating a distinct atmosphere but unfortunately I couldn't really follow this piece. Maybe that was your intention--to create an ambiguous poem--which of course is fine, but I personally like to be able to connect to the message and emotion, which I couldn't really do here.

I liked some of the language choices in this poem and thought the personification of the flowers was quite interesting. I did, however, notice a few things that could maybe use some attention. Firstly, this part stuck out to me:

"I stayed, waiting, and returned
June forgot their frost"

This doesn't feel right to me and it doesn't read smoothly. Should there be some form of punctuation here, maybe after the word "returned"? And is "their" the best word here? I can't quite put my finger on why, but something is a little off here.

I felt maybe some punctuation was missing from the end of the first line of the fourth stanza too.

Overall I think this is an interesting piece of writing here and I did enjoy the mood of it, and the intensity. I just wish I understood what it is about! Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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114
114
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Samisoke Author Icon,

I found this to be an interesting love poem, with a sweet, gentle tone. I liked the simplicity of it and some of the imagery is quite nice.

For me, this poem is a little bit vague. There are some interesting lines and beginnings of ideas that then don't seem to go anywhere. For example, I quite liked this part:

"betrayed by beauty and deceit
You're Lost
In dark caverns"

However, you don't seem to expand on this and therefore I felt like I wasn't getting the whole story and couldn't connect to it. I wanted to know more about the betrayal etc. I didn't really understand what was going on, to be honest!

I would also suggest watching out for clichés. Phrases like "searching through heaven and hell" and "to the end of the earth" are overdone and don't really add anything fresh to the writing. I liked the more creative parts, like the repeated line and the personification of the moon.

Overall I think this poem has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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115
115
Review of Sun rise and set  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Mr..Weirdo Author Icon,

This is an unusual poem and I'm afraid I couldn't really follow it. I see you have listed one of the genres as "nonsense", so maybe I'm not supposed to get it! But for me, this is a problem as I like to be able to get something from a poem and connect to the message the writer is trying to convey. Of course "nonsense" is a valid genre but it isn't one I especially enjoy personally.

I wasn't sure about the length of the poem. There is a lot of repetition and I found my concentration slipping towards the end. Could the writing be tightened a little? Do you think maybe you've said something a few times, just in different ways? This is something I struggle with in my own poetry so I know it is easily done! It might be something to watch out for.

I also noticed a few errors, so I think this poem could benefit from a careful edit.

Overall I found this to be a strange poem. I enjoyed the rhythm of it and I think you have done a good job of creating a dark atmosphere. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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116
116
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Victoria Anne Emslie Author Icon,

I enjoyed reading this intense metaphorical poem that seems to be about capturing beauty and then guarding it jealously from others, taking away from it, in the process, the things that made it beautiful in the first place such as freedom and spirit. This was my interpretation anyway. To me, the poem seems to have an almost sinister undercurrent, especially in the last stanza, which I think is very effective.

My only suggestion, really, is to tighten up the writing a bit. Some of the lines are a little unwieldy in my opinion. As an example, for the second line of the second stanza, maybe consider something like this:

"snatched you from a sky once filled with your song"

This cuts out a lot of the unnecessary words. Also, for the second line of the final stanza, maybe something like this could work:

"Caged you in the finest silver"

Of course these are just suggestions and if you agree with my point, you may be able to come up with some better ideas.

Overall I think this is a strong poem. It is interesting, unusual and I think you have done a good job of creating a distinct atmosphere. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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117
117
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Summer Wind is Healing Author Icon,

This is an intense piece of writing that I found to be more angry than comedic really, if I'm honest. It is fast-paced and furious and the reader is left in no doubt of your opinion on the subject of reviewing! I enjoyed a lot of the interesting descriptions in this poem. I particularly liked the "literary skewers" part.

I'm not sure I've really connected to the message of this piece. By all means, I agree that nobody should ever tear someone apart or "bring them down in pain" in a review, but is someone who points out a cliché or suggests some word changes really doing that? I'm not trying to review your opinion, but emotional impact is important to me in poetry, and I like to be able to connect to what the author is saying. I also like to try and explain why maybe something didn't work for me, personally, though of course it might for others.

I just have a couple of suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I would consider removing the word "then" from the sixth line. This is a filler word -- it is unnecessary and doesn't add anything to the poem, in my opinion.

At the risk of saying something unacceptable to you, I'd be wary of clichés. I like the part in the fifth line about "you roast our images" but the other half of this line is a little mundane in comparison. Could you maybe also relate this to writing in some way? Maybe something like this:

"You roast our images, tear our words apart"

I'm not sure!

The final line feels a little awkward to say out loud at the moment. Could this be tightened up a bit? It might also be nice to frame this part as a question, something like:

"would we see you're literarily blind?"

But of course this is just a suggestion.

Overall I think this is an interesting piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful!

~Jess.

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118
118
Review of I know that house  Open in new Window.
Review by Ghostranch Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SamanthaJHall Author Icon,

I think this is a nicely written, emotional poem about your memories of your grandparent's home. I think you have done a good job of including specific, little details and descriptions that really help to build up an image of this place, which was clearly special to you. I enjoyed the bittersweet nostalgic feel you have created in this poem too and could really relate to it -- it's nice to remember happy times, yet sad, in a way, that they are now just memories. I really got a strong sense of that from this poem.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. My main suggestion is to tighten up some of the long, unwieldy lines that hinder the flow a bit. For example, could you cut out "my own world" from the third line of the first stanza? I personally would also cut out the word "those" in this line and consider using just one adjective (soft OR coloured) to describe the crayons. Also in this stanza, should "tide" be "hide"?

In the third stanza, maybe consider rephrasing the third line to make it a bit smoother. Something like this could work:

"The fridge magnets and fancy sliding door"

I realise you have a bit if a "near" rhyme scheme going on, but as you haven't stuck to it rigidly throughout the poem, I think it would be okay to lose the word "fancy" from the end of the line.

While the last lines of the second and third stanzas are important to the poem, they feel a little convoluted to me at the moment. Simplicity is usually best, in my opinion, so you might want to consider something like this: "Newspapers held in my Grandad's hands" and "Photos held in my Grandma's hands". Or something like that. You could even cut it back further, by removing the "my". I do think this repetition works very effectively; I just feel that the phrasing is a little off right now.

Overall I think you have a strong poem here. It has a lot of emotional impact and striking descriptions that make it really stand out. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Kayna-amy Author Icon,

I found this to be a very intense and emotional poem. I really felt that I could connect to the message of this piece -- I have felt like this before too. I enjoyed the flow of this poem and some of the descriptions too. I particularly liked the third line.

I noticed a few things in this poem that could maybe use some work. Firstly, an ellipsis is made up of just three dots, like this: ... and the word "i" needs to be capitalised.

I noticed a few other errors too, for example in the third stanza, the word "see" should be "sees". Also in this stanza, the word "ask" should be "asks". In the fourth stanza, the word "ask" again should be "asks", "swallow" should be "swallows" and "let" should be "lets".

One other thing to consider is the use of clichés. Descriptions about pushing pain deep inside and boiling rage are overused and feel a little jaded alongside the more creative parts of the poem, such as the first stanza. But of course this is just my opinion.

Overall I think this poem has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Grandpa  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello Cath the Purple Unicorn Author Icon,

I found this to be an emotional poem and a lovely tribute to your Grandfather. I really enjoyed the beginning of this piece, but feel it loses its way a bit towards the end. The opening is very strong, in my opinion. I like the first line, which grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I like the phrase "toe of the boot" and I enjoyed your use of assonance and alliteration in the last two lines of the first stanza.

I got a bit confused in the third stanza. Some of the lines are awkward and I had trouble understanding what you are trying to convey. I think things could be clearer here. I felt the rhythm of the poem started to slip around here too, so this might be an area to focus on if you chose to work on this piece some more.

I also felt lost in all the details towards the end of the poem. The part where the aunt is introduced particularly muddled me. Is there a way to make this part clearer? Are all the details necessary? These are just a couple of points to consider.

I just noticed a couple of other things too. Firstly, I think "sir name" should be "surname" (I may be wrong about this but I have never seen it spelled "sir name"). Also, I felt some punctuation was needed in this piece -- not necessarily at the end of lines, but definitely mid-line. Punctuation helps to guide the reader through the piece.

But of course this is all just my personal opinion. Overall I think this poem has a lot of potential. It could maybe use some work on the technicalities but it already has a lot of emotion and heart, which is the most important thing in a poem, in my opinion.

Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review of Caress  Open in new Window.
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Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon,

I found this to be a beautifully written sonnet with a very romantic and sensuous atmosphere. Like all your work, this piece feels very polished and I admire how you always seem able to make every single word count. There are some lovely descriptions -- I particularly liked the fourth line of the first stanza. I really like the originality of this image! I also enjoyed the striking language choices

The only thing that stuck out to me really was the third stanza. The rhythm of the second line just seems a little off as the "twilight, twixt dream..." part is kind of a mouthful to say.

This is a very minor thing though, and overall I think this is a strong piece of writing. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello The Northern Optimist Author Icon,

This is a really tragic poem about the loss of a child. It is a tough read because of the subject matter, but a compelling one. I think you have done a great job of conveying the emotion. The fourth stanza particularly tugged at my heart. I know what it is like to lose a loved one, but I can't bear to think how truly terrible it must be to lose a child.

The structure of this poem is pretty strong. The rhythm is smooth and the rhyme scheme is mostly good. However, I found it to be a little monotonous in places. This is just a minor thing, though it might be an area to focus on if you wanted to work on this piece some more.

But overall I think this is an intense, extremely heart-breaking poem. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Rain  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Escape Theory Author Icon,

I really enjoyed this and I think it is very creative. There are some wonderfully striking descriptions. I especially enjoyed the "heavens collapsing" part and the first line of the second stanza. I like the details, such as the meeting with the stranger under the shelter. This felt very genuine. I also really enjoyed how you have tied the weather and nature to the emotions.

One thing I was confused about is that you seem to switch from using "I" to "you". At first I thought the "you" was a second person, but now I'm not sure. If so, I think you need to make this clearer. If not, I think you need to be consistent and stick to just using "I".

But apart from that I think this is a wonderful piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of A Home to Be  Open in new Window.
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Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello ladygrace Author Icon,

This is a nice poetical retelling of the story of the ugly duckling. I liked how you set the scene at the beginning of this piece. I could really connect to the emotional aspects too. As a nature-lover, I can understand why spending some time admiring a beautiful sight made you feel refreshed and inspired. I like the message of this poem and the theme of acceptance. It is, of course, an age-old story, but I enjoyed your interpretation of it. I think it works well as a poem.

I have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. The first line struck me as a little odd because of the phrasing. I know what you mean, but I think this could be phrased differently to make it clearer. Something like this could work: "I gazed up at..." I think it's simpler and cleaner.

I feel the third stanza could use some work. At the moment, it feels a bit clumsy to me and would maybe work better if you could restructure it so that the second and fourth lines can be placed one after the other.

I think the fifth stanza is awkward and that the word "be" has been overused. Could you maybe cut one or two out?

I also noticed a few grammatical errors so feel that this poem could benefit from a careful edit.

But overall this is a positive and inspiring piece of writing. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Perish Throckmorton Author Icon,

Wow! I was not expecting that when I opened this item! I realise this is a work in progress and think you have made a great start. If this is the opening then it is certainly going to draw readers in.

As this isn't the complete story, it's quite hard to review. I wanted to know what motivated Dahlia to do such a terrible thing. I assume this will be revealed later on, or built into the story somehow? I also wanted Dahlia to redeem herself or get her comeuppance in some way!

I preferred the second section of this snippet to the first. I think your depiction of the murder is quite shocking. I felt drawn into the story here. For me, the writing flows better in this section.

I think you have done a really good job of building up Dahlia's character and showing the reader what she is like. From her actions, behaviour and thoughts we can see that she is an impulsive and fickle person, as well as a callous one.

Sorry if this review isn't particularly helpful! Like I said, I think you have made a strong start here and I wish you luck with the rest of the story. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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