*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
Review Requests: OFF
1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
Previous ... 4 5 6 7 -8- 9 10 11 12 13 ... Next
176
176
Review of Graham  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello ophelia ,

This is a short, emotional piece about a lonely elderly man thinking back to his childhood. I enjoyed the creative descriptions of this piece but it feels a little incomplete to me. Do you intend to expand this? It just seems more is needed as the reader doesn’t really get a chance to find out who this character is. He has many memories and yet we are only told about a few of them. The war stole his chance of love and yet we don’t learn how or why. I personally think these details could be interesting and would make the writing more dynamic.

You are obviously very good at coming up with original descriptions which create striking images but I think this piece could use expansion and clarification. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
177
177
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Samantha Jane ,

I enjoyed this poetical retelling of the fairytale of Cinderella but I feel it could use quite a bit of work. My main suggestion is to be consistent with punctuation usage. You have used speech marks towards the end of the poem but not at the beginning. I think you need to use them at the beginning as well to make it clear when someone is speaking.

The rhythm is mostly pretty good but I feel is slips in a few places. I sometimes find reading a poem aloud can help to identify where the rhythm is uneven. Or, even better, getting someone else to read the poem to you can be useful.

Here are a few other things I noticed. Firstly I feel this part needs some attention:

‘One fine day a letter did come
The sisters and mum set to a run
To reach the letter and get it out
As they did they began to shout’

The word ‘fine’ is used three times in a short space of time, so it might be a good idea to vary the vocabulary a bit. The word ‘bright’ could work here. The phrase ‘set to a run’ feels a little forced and the use of ‘began’ is a filler word, in my opinion and doesn’t really make much sense.

In this part I think the word ‘toe’ should be ‘tow’:

‘The sisters arrived with their mother in toe’

And this part also stood out to me:

‘The coach outside was ready for the off
Each leaving the house with a terrible scoff’

Although I know who you mean, it isn’t clear who the word ‘Each’ is referring to. Something like this might work better:

‘Each sister left with a terrible scoff’

Or something like that. I think you need to specify who left.

Also, I noticed a few grammatical errors in this poem so I think it could be enhanced by a careful edit.

Overall this is a good poem which is a lot of fun. I just think it needs a bit of a polish. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
178
178
Review of True Nature  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Evan ,

This monologue may be short but it has a big message which seems to be about the pitiful legacy humankind will leave behind unless we take steps to change and better ourselves. To me, this piece seems to urge us to think about the impact we are having on the planet and from that learn to respect our world and ourselves in order to make positive changes. I’m sorry if I have misinterpreted your message.

I’m not sure the comma after the word ‘Legacy’ is necessary. It seems to create a pause which doesn’t work so well in my opinion.

But other than that I can’t think of anything else to point out or suggest. There is scope for expansion with this piece but I also think it works well as a short, succinct statement like this, which really has an impact. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
179
179
Review of "Prologue"  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Moarzjasac ,

This is a challenging piece of writing and a very interesting one. I’m not sure I could follow everything you’re trying to convey but I had a fun time trying to. There are some beautiful descriptions which create some wonderful images in this piece. I particularly enjoyed the part about dark and light being separated by a membrane and also the description of a spiral galaxy.

I had a little trouble with the paragraph beginning ‘Perhaps a rain of invisible dark matter...’ The second sentence in this paragraph doesn’t seem to read as a complete sentence. Should there be a comma after the word ‘disc’ rather than a full stop? There are a couple of other places where the writing could be smoother so I think this piece could benefit from a careful edit.

But overall I think this is a great piece and I enjoyed reading it. It might be a good idea to give this item a ‘type’ rather than just labelling it ‘other’. Perhaps ‘Article’ or ‘Essay’ would be suitable labels? I just think that would help to give readers more of an idea what to expect from this piece. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
180
180
Review of Strength Within  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Lainey ,

This is an emotional and inspiring poem encouraging women in emotionally or physically abusive relationships to find the strength to leave. I like the positive message in this piece and think it could give hope to women in a tough situation by helping them to feel empowered and less alone.

I feel the structure of this poem could use a little work. The rhythm, for me, was quite uneven in places. I sometimes find reading a poem aloud can help to identify more easily where the rhythm could use some attention. Also, keeping to a consistent syllable count can often help to enhance the flow of a structured poem like this.

There are a few places in this poem where I feel the writing could be tightened. For example, the second line is very long and drawn out and I’m not sure all those different descriptions are necessary. I think this line could be shortened. In other parts of the poem some filler words could be cut, for example the word ‘just’ in the second line of the second stanza and the last line of the third stanza could be tightened like this:

‘Find a safe place, do not delay’.

I just think the poem could use a careful edit to find all those words which are not pulling their weight.

But overall I think this is a good poem which has a lot of potential and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
181
181
Review of Homeless  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Nikki14u ,

This is an unusual piece of writing which seems to be a sort of acrostic-prose hybrid. I have never seen a piece like this before but I think it is quite effective. I like how each new paragraph starts with a different letter to spell out the word ‘Homeless’.

This is a very emotional item. I’ve never known what it is like to be truly homeless but when I was forced to move out of my flat I got some feeling of what it could be like. I had somewhere to go though thankfully, even if I didn’t want to go there. I think you have done a great job of describing how helpless, hopeless and completely alone a person can feel when they don’t have a place to call home.

The main suggestion I have for this work is to give it a careful edit. I noticed a few punctuation errors so think this piece could be enhanced if you fixed those.

Overall this is a poignant and powerful piece if writing and I felt genuinely moved by your words. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
182
182
Review of Island Time  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Poetic Exploration  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello JACE ,

Wow! I’m so impressed that not only have you chosen to write in the complex Mirror Acrostic form but you’ve also included a rhyme scheme. I can’t imagine how difficult this must have been!

I really enjoyed the theme of this poem. I could do with some Island Time myself! I particularly liked the second from last line – I like the peaceful atmosphere you have created here with words like ‘meander’ and ‘daydream’.

The only problem I had with this piece really was the rhythm. The vast difference in line lengths has a rather negative impact on the flow but I understand the form is hard enough anyway without trying to keep to a consistent metre too.

Overall I think this is an excellent attempt at the form and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
183
183
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH ,

This is such a fun poem. At first, I really wasn’t sure where you were going with it, but I like how it ends up. I was not expecting that at all! I enjoyed the humour of this piece and I think you have done a great job of blending horror and comedy. The image of a hairy beast chasing someone through a forest is quite disturbing but the comical tone kept this a light read and I think you got the atmosphere in this piece just right.

The main suggestion I have for this poem really is to try and keep a consistent rhythm. At the moment it is a little uneven and I don’t think the scattered rhyme helps. Sometimes keeping to a consistent syllable count can help to enhance the rhythm.

Another thing, I wasn’t sure about the last line of stanza two. The use of the word ‘through’ seems as if it’s only there to meet the rhyme scheme and I was left wondering ‘beats through what?’

But overall I think this is a great piece and I really enjoyed it. My favourite part was the first line of stanza two. I love the playfulness of the rhyme in this part. I also really like the final stanza where everything is revealed. Thank you for the laugh!

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
184
184
Review of Crowds  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MumstheWord ,

This is a short yet atmospheric poem about travelling by train and the unwritten "rule" that every passenger has to be a mindless zombie! I can really relate to this piece and have even written a poem on the same subject myself. It is a curious thing and I wonder why trains are such lonely, unfriendly places. I really like the questions you pose in the third couplet.

I just have a small suggestion that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. I found the rhythm of this poem a little uneven in places, especially towards the end where the lines get longer. It might help to keep to a consistent syllable count for each line. Also, I sometimes find reading a poem aloud is a really good way to help find where the rhythm doesn't quite work.

Also, I noticed one grammatical error -- I think the word 'neighbours' in the third line needs an apostrophe.

Overall I think this is an effective piece of writing and I enjoyed reading. I particularly like the last line. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
185
185
Review of The Cycle of Life  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Koyel~writing again ,

I am one of the judges for "Invalid Item" 

This is a nice, feel-good Christmas poem. I like the theme of 'newness' in this poem and how almost everyone sees the beginning of a new year to start afresh. I also like the atmosphere of excitement and anticipation you have created. I also like your interpretation of the picture prompt and I particularly enjoyed the "neon bulbs" description.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, the 'and filled with laughter' part of the first stanza feels tagged on to me and doesn't read smoothly. I personally think the poem reads better without it.

Secondly, I wasn't sure about the use of the word 'throng' in the second stanza, unless maybe you used 'with people marking' instead of 'as people mark'. I'm not sure. But I stumbled at this part of the poem.

I also wasn't sure about the use of the word 'alike' in the final stanza. Alike to what? I was confused by the last two lines. I felt this part of the poem lacked clarity just when you should be driving your message home.

But overall I think this is a good poem and I enjoyed the emotion of it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
186
186
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Allie ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a nice, descriptive poem about Autumn leaves. I like the playfulness of this poem -- it is visually very striking, and you literally show the reader how it should be read, which I think is quite effective. I really like the imagery in this piece, particularly at the beginning. There is some emotion in this poem too -- the word 'outcast' has rather melancholy connotations which help to give the poem depth.

The main problem for me was that the first section of the poem is about a leaf falling from the tree, and then the second part seems to be about the exact same thing, just told in a different way, making it redundant really. I'm sorry if I have just misunderstood.

But overall I think this is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
187
187
Review of To know you...  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Nafi ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a nice love poem which is filled with emotion. I like the simplicity of this piece -- it is very effective and your love for this person is conveyed very clearly to the reader.

For me, the flow of this poem is quite choppy and the ideas are a bit scattered, affecting the coherency of it. I like the structure of the poem and the repetition, but I didn't really get the last lines of each stanza and how they fit in with what you've written in the rest of the stanzas. Another thing, there isn't really much imagery in this poem and there are a few clichés. Some creative images would give the reader something to connect to while also getting a common theme across in a new and interesting way.

Overall I think this is a nice poem which has a lot of potential. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
188
188
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Kahleigh S Kirsch ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really like this poem about clichés which is very un-clichéd! I like the originality of it and the clever wordplay. There are some very striking phrases and images -- I particularly like the first stanza. The flow is great -- you have obviously thought very carefully about the line breaks and have also made each word count. I love poetry like this, which is short and sharp, and has an impact. I have no suggestions to make. I think this piece is perfect as it is. Thank you for a great read.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
189
189
Review of Soldier's Song  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello BScholl ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a rousing poem from a soldier's point of view and a nice tribute to the men and women in the armed forces. It's a powerful piece that describes how lives are lost in the fight for freedom.

I just have a few things to point out that could maybe use some work. I wasn't sure about the image in the fourth line of stanza one. I know what you mean but still, it seems a little gruesome!

In the second stanza, the second lines seems a bit odd to me. I think 'head and toe' should be 'head to toe' otherwise it reads as if the sadness is only in the head and toe, rather than filling the whole body! Also, I think 'fill' should be 'fills'.

At first the last two lines of the final stanza threw me and I think maybe the punctuation could use some work here. I don't think a comma is needed after the word 'call' and I don't think the semicolon is needed after 'stands'.

Overall I enjoyed this poem. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
190
190
Review of Stand With Me  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Yellow Rose ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a sweet, little poem with a romantic tone. It may be short but it is filled with emotion. I like the simplicity of this piece and the image of two lovers standing hand-in-hand at the top of mountain, surrounded by swirling mist. Nature is providing them with a spectacular show and they seem to be the only two people on Earth, watching it together.

I wasn't so sure about the last line of this poem. The description is a little bit strange to me. I'm not sure how 'dew' can be 'loving'.

But overall I think this is a nice poem. Thank you for sharing it.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
191
191
Review of His Hand in Mine  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Have a sunshiny day! ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this is a beautifully written poem. It is filled with emotion and I enjoyed the gentle tone of it. I like the message -- even though the narrator did feel something was missing in her childhood, life has still turned out fine and she has a son and her love for him can fill the gap. I love the image in the final line and how it symbolises so much more than just the simple act of holding hands.

The only issue I had with this poem really was the rhyme scheme. It just felt a little weak to me in places, and sometimes a little forced. As an example, I wasn't so sure about the handsome/then some part.

But overall I think this is a wonderful piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
192
192
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Christine Cassello ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a creative piece of writing. I like the tale you tell in this poem and think it would make a great story if you ever chose to expand it and flesh out the details. I was curious to know more about the sisters!

This poem has a good rhyme scheme and the rhythm is mostly fine. I think it slips in the third stanza. The second from last line of this stanza seems to be missing a beat and this has an impact on the flow. I wonder if something like 'covered up' could work better than 'shielded'? The last line left me thinking what ugly creature? I think this would work better as '...an ugly creature.' I know that makes the rhyme imperfect but I personally think it reads better. I wasn't so sure about the rhythm of the last stanza either. Maybe readng the poem aloud could help you to identify more easily where the rhythm slips? I often find that helps.

Overall I think this is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
193
193
Review of EQUALITY  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello lane kensington ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a powerful and inspiring poem about equality and freedom. I like how you take the reader on journey through American history -- it is a creative and interesting way to approach a common theme. I enjoyed the message of this piece and the emotion of it too.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. Firstly, I noticed a few errors in this piece so I think it could benefit from a careful edit. For example, 'no' in the second line of the second stanza should be 'know'. You also seem to have used end-line punctuation rather inconsistently. I'd suggest either removing it entirely or using it consistently throughout.

I like your use of assonance at the beginning of this poem and think it helps with the flow. Towards the end I think the rhythm is lost a little bit. It reads more like prose to me than poetry, so this might be an area to work on if you agree and wish to work on this poem some more.

But overall I think this is a good poem with a powerful message and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
194
194
Review of Salvation  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Clover ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I liked the intensity if it and the emotion. There are lots of interesting descriptions too which really caught my attention. I particularly enjoyed the part about swallowing your pride. I also liked the description of innocence. The metaphor is unusual and creative.

The main problem I had with this poem really is that it is a bit too prose-like. I couldn't really distinguish much of a poetical rhythm. It is beautifully written, however, I just feel maybe it is a little too wordy in places. I'm not really sure.

Also, I got a bit lost towards the end of this piece. I didn't really understand the part about broken mirrors and condensed smoke. I wasn't so sure of the part about dreams either. I just feel things got a little unclear around here.

But overall I think this is an unusual and strong piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
195
195
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Joel Cobbs ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is a short, simple poem with a powerful message which I interpreted to be about staying positive even when times are tough. I like the metaphor of the bird continuing to sing, which seems to symbolise hope, through times of devastation and war.

The second stanza of this poem stood out to me a bit really. The other stanzas seem to be about universal tragedy whereas the second stanza seems to be about a more personal tragedy, which made me a little unsure about this part. Maybe swapping the second and third stanza could help, then there would appear to me more of a structure to your ideas? I'm not sure!

But overall I think this is a great poem with an inspiring message and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
196
196
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I really enjoyed this poem. It is clever and interesting -- a history lesson, a great story and an excellent idea all in one! I like the creativity of this piece. The rhyme scheme is quite good and the rhythm is strong.

The main suggestion I have really is to put a little more thought into where to place the repeated lines/parts. I think this repetition is very effective but could be even better if you used it consistently. At the moment these lines are scattered about in a rather haphazard way and at one point you have a line beginning 'For I am the eternal soldier...' and then three lines later, have it again which doesn't work so well, in my opinion. I know you have modified the second line, but still, I found it a little jarring.

I just have a couple of small picky things to point out. In the seventh couplet you use the phrase 'eternal fame'. I'd suggest finding a word to replace 'eternal' as you use this word a lot in the repeated lines. Maybe 'unending' or 'undying' could work? Also, I noticed a few unnecessary commas in this piece so I think it could benefit from a careful edit.

But overall I think this is a fantastic poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
197
197
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Winn Storm ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is an interesting poem which seems to be about a relationship that was doomed from the start. The narrator knew deep down that things were not going to work but, not wanting to believe it, chose to ignore the signs. This was my interpretation anyway. I really like the idea of this poem and the creative way you have explored your chosen theme.

For me there was just a bit too much repetition in this poem where you seem to say the same thing over and over again, just in different ways. That might be something to focus on if you agree with my point and choose to work on this poem some more.

But overall I think this is a good piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
198
198
Review of Separation  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Turtle ~ KanyáthƐko:wa:h ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

I found this to be a beautifully written poem which is filled with emotion and striking imagery. I enjoyed many of the descriptions in this piece, particularly the part about communication in the fifth stanza, which I think is very creative. I also like the description of the couple's differences in the second stanza. The "balloon" image is a nice one! The poem mostly has a nice flow too and I enjoyed the gentle tone of it.

I just noticed a couple of things that could maybe use some work. Firstly, there are a few word repetitions in this poem which I feel become a bit jarring. For example, I wasn't sure about both uses of the word 'start' in this section:

'At times the bindings start to fray,
and I start to panic'

I think the second 'start' could be cut as it really isn't needed.

Also, in this line: 'Know that I am always there for you' and then in lines one and three of the following stanza, the word 'there' is repeated three times and it doesn't sound so great, in my opinion. I personally like the two lines in the next stanza but feel the one I've quoted is a bit clichéd and therefore a little dull. I wonder if there is a more interesting way to say this?

One other thing I wondered about -- why is there a comma after the word 'fray' when you haven't used punctuation at the end of any of the other lines (apart from the full stop at the end)? I think it can be removed.

Overall I think this is a strong and creative poem and I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
199
199
Review of Utitled  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello RCParrish ,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.
.

Thank you for your entry.

This may be a short poem but it certainly packs an emotional punch. It is full of sadness and anguish, making it a very poignant read. I really like your use of metaphor in this piece and the imagery is quite strong too.

I feel the first stanza of this poem is the strongest--it flows nicely and reads smoothly. I feel there are several awkwardly phrased lines in the second stanza, however, which seem to have been twisted unnaturally in order to fit the rhyme scheme. I'm not sure these lines work so well. Also, I think the punctuation of this piece could maybe use a little work.

Overall I think this is a good poem which could just use a little polishing. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
200
200
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello bkcompton,

I am one of the judges for

 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1708390 by Not Available.


Thank you for your entry.

This is an unusual and interesting poem. I'm not sure I have entirely understood it but I enjoyed the flow of your words and some of the striking imagery and language choices. I particularly liked the last stanza. I liked the tone and emotion of this poem too.

I wish I had something helpful to say but this poem just feels too obscure for me to review confidently. Phrases like 'untimely shape' just threw me. One thing I did notice though--I don't think the comma at the end of the first line of stanza two is necessary.

Overall I'm at a bit of a loss with this piece. I want to understand it as it seems like you do have something interesting to say but I just don't. I can appreciate this is a personal piece of writing though and I think that really comes through in the emotion. Thank you for sharing your work.

(Please remember not to edit your poem until the contest has been judged and awarded).

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
535 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8