Simple, sexy, and to the point. Not the most realistic way things would go, but really, how can I say anything? Most of my stories end in foot worship too.
The way Scootaloo just immediately, unrepentantly slammed her ratty sneaks on the countertop like they were any ordinary thing you'd bring to a pawnshop was pretty funny--and pretty hot. I like how nonchalant both of them are about how kinky it is as well.
Only thing I could think of that might improve the story is to have the dealer act all flustered when she offers up her shoes, and keeping him nervous and bashful all the way through. Wouldn't even need to change the dialogue, just the description of how he moves and talks, maybe adding a little bit of stuttering in. That's how I'd do it, at least.
Another thing (though it's just a suggestion): maybe Scootaloo could act a bit smug while she's leaving, thinking to herself that she's found a nice, easy flow of cash whenever she wants. I could deff see her taunting the cashier guy about coming 'round the shop a second time.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gooberg
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:20am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.