The title suggested to me that this piece is about someone.
This piece is wondering about the how they can compare themselves to a woman and the wonderful traits that she possesses. The poem is in three line stanzas, and uses a lot of emotion to convey meaning. I like that there is the hope that can possibly exist in this poem
Greg
The title suggested to me that this poem is a warning to someone.
The poem in three line stanzas, and tells the reader to Appreciate life , and what they have. Mainly because the author can't. I like how the author bestows this warning to the reader, and what can possibly happen if they do not heed the warning. I like the surprise at the end telling the reader why.
Greg
The title suggested to me that this piece might be about another person who is admired by someone.
The piece has a shape to it. It uses one word in the first line then one word is added to each line until the 5th line then one word is subtracted til then end when the author ends the piece on the same word as they began it with.
The author says so much in the piece, and I am moved by their very vivid description of the scene.
Good Job!
Greg
The title suggested to me that this piece might be about hopelessness.
The author uses 3 (Terchet) line verses. They are all unbalanced. This gives the piece a feeling of movement. The author uses an unusual song form of ABAABA. The author prefers to use an open or blank verse for the Rhyme scheme throughout.
Verse 1
The author begins with a very slow paced line then quickly accelerates in the subsequent to lines.
Chorus
The author use equal length lines in the chorus giving the piece a feeling on constant pace which is contrasted to the slow fast-fast pace in the fist verse.
Verse 2
The author slows down the pace then speeds up then slows down agin to give movement to the piece.
Verse 3
the author begins the verse with a quick paced line then slowly decelerates through the end of the verse.
Verse 4
The author keeps all the lengths in this verse equal giving the feeling of a constant pace
Chorus
See chorus above
Verse 5
The author uses a slow paced line then speeds up then slows down to a medium pace in the last line.
I feel this si a good piece, but could use some song structure change to make it a stronger piece.
Greg
The title suggested to me that this piece will ask for authors to write a poem a week.
After reading this piece, I like how the author started with a poem, and then gives the next author a word to use as a springboard into the next poem. I feel it give the reader a way of practicing skills to help improve their writing.
Great Job! We need more of these kind of campfires. I am including 100 Gift Points for such a wonderful job, and adding to the community of writers.
Greg
The title suggested to me that this piece might be about the TV show Get Smart. Their enemy was called KAOS.
As I began to read the poem, it sounded as if it were about the memory of someone who is no longer in their life, but the author tells me at the end it is about the love of a newborn child. I like the surprise I received at the end. It made me smile.
Greg
The title suggested to me that this might be about going through adolescence again in some form.
The author uses a consistent rhyme scheme of ABCB throughout the piece giving it a comfortable feeling. However, the author uses a perfect rhyme in the first stanza, then switches to using an Assonance Rhyme scheme in the second stanza. then changes to use a family rhyme scheme in the third stanza, and returns to the perfect rhyme in the fourth stanza. The author uses a variable meter in each stanza giving the listener a felling of uneasiness, bu then resolves it in the final stanza. I feel this uneasiness helps to brings out the feeling the author is portraying in the piece.
Over all I feel this is a very good piece.
Good Job!
Greg
The title intrigued me to want to take the poll. I feel that tis what a title is all about. To make the reader want to pick it up and find out more about it. It makes me think about how I am doing as a reviewer. I also learned that there is a segment of the writing.com population that does not or rarely gives reviews to what they read. 15% is a lot of people who can be doing more reviewing.
However, I think what would help me more as the reader of this poll, is that of those people who do not give as many reviews as they maybe should, What percentage are registered authors?, What percentage is just browsing for the first time.
Over all I think it is a good start, but I feel it could use some more questions to help the reader.
Good Job!
Greg
When I first read the title I thought I would be reading a poem about going to the edge of the envelope.
As I read the first verse, I notice the author used the AABBCCDD rhyme scheme. I felt the choice of words was very interesting in the way that the rhymes were perfect Rhymes. I felt they were used very well in the first verse.
In the Second Verse the Author continued the same Rhyme scheme until line 14 and the use of "Striven" which stopped me and a forced Rhymed,and appeared to distract me form what the poem was saying. I was lost! I felt the poem lost focus at that point and the rhyme scheme was disrupted form using perfect Rhyme to similar rhymes. I am very distracted from the poem.
The Author returns to using the Perfect Rhyme in the first line of the third verse, but changes to alliteration Rhyme in the 3 rd line of the third verse,a nd then back to perfect Rhyme in the 6th line which the author continues to the end of the piece.
When I read the poem the first time I was not sue what the poem was about and how it related to the title. As I read on I realized it was about patriotism. When I went back and reread the poem I saw how the poem was focused on the topic. I think the Rhyme scheme distracted me form what the poem was about the first time.
Over all I think it was an excellent poem, bu tI feel it would help the poem become stronger if the Rhyme scheme was changed form perfect Rhymes to another type of Rhyme
Good Luck!
Greg
the title tells me tha tI will be reading a poem of sharing each other.
As I read the poem I felt as thoug I was reading a narration rather than a poem. As I contintued I could see the complexity of the poem, and how wonderfuly crafted it is. I like the rhyme scheme of ABABCC. I did not feel the rhythum as strongly as I would have liked, but none the less, it was there. This is such a wonderful tribute to a lost love one. thank you for sharing it with the world.
Greg
This poem is about loving eyes. Right away I see the author has focused on loving eyes of a man. I think the Author could make the poem more universal to a much wider audience if they changed the gender identification from male (his) to neutral (You or your). I think it would be more powerful to change the last "time's" or the previous word "time" to a related word. I would like to see a much stronger flow and rhythum in the poem.
However I enjoy the poem very much. I do not find any problems or errors with this poem.
Greg
The title tells me I wil be reading a poem about A mother's love.
As I begin reading the first line I am drawn in by the rhyme of two lines then another rhyme begins. I feel it has a very nice rythum that carries me along, and guides me through the rest of the poem. I discover that the poem is about a mother who's children are caught in the Ocean waves, and a mother is trying to rescue them. Although, the poem is about children caught in the ocean waves, the ocean can be a metaphor for just about anything that overwhelms us. I feel that universality makes it an excellent poem.
However, there are two lines that stop me and appear as forced rhymes even thought they fit into the poem.
"A tsunami wave,
God! I must run, save."
and
"To run out, away,
I race through the spray."
The two examples stopped me, and I felt as though they were forced to be rhymes rather than contintue with the consistant flow of the poem.
This item is far above average for me. I enjoy almost every aspect of the poem. The Author has paid considerable attention to the language used and words chosen. I would recommend this to another reader without hesitation. I enjoyed reading it. The item is very original and very creative. It flows nicely, amd keeps a rhythm throughout, although one or two lines might not flow as well as others.
I feel it is an excellent poem! I enjoy the imagry, and the universality of the topic of a mother who is scared for her children and runs to save them. I thinki that is an emotion that almost anyone has experienced regardless if they are a mother or father, it is the emotions of being a parent or a child. I have read other works from this writer, and I enjoy her work very much.
Greg
The title tells me I wil be reading a poem about A mother's love.
As I begin reading the first line I am drawn in by the rhyme of two lines then another rhyme begins. I feel it has a very nice rythum that carries me along, and guides me through the rest of the poem. I discover that the poem is about a mother who's children are caught in the Ocean waves, and a mother is trying to rescue them. Although, the poem is about children caught in the ocean waves, the ocean can be a metaphor for just about anything that overwhelms us. I feel that universality makes it an excellent poem.
However, there are two lines that stop me and appear as forced rhymes even thought they fit into the poem.
"A tsunami wave,
God! I must run, save."
and
"To run out, away,
I race through the spray."
The two examples stopped me, and I felt as though they were forced to be rhymes rather than contintue with the consistant flow of the poem.
This item is far above average for me. I enjoy almost every aspect of the poem. The Author has paid considerable attention to the language used and words chosen. I would recommend this to another reader without hesitation. I enjoyed reading it. The item is very original and very creative. It flows nicely, amd keeps a rhythm throughout, although one or two lines might not flow as well as others.
I feel it is an excellent poem! I enjoy the imagry, and the universality of the topic of a mother who is scared for her children and runs to save them. I thinki that is an emotion that almost anyone has experienced regardless if they are a mother or father, it is the emotions of being a parent or a child. I have read other works from this writer, and I enjoy her work very much.
Greg
The title " So in Love" said that the poem would be about someone who was very much in Love with someone else. As I began reading it, the poem began to speak to me of two people so much in love, and My senses watered with expectations of more, but in the fourth line I was stopped by a brick wall that appeared to force me to change direction that I did now want nor expect to go. I became confused. I reread the poem from the beginning to see if I had missed something, and no I was hit in the face with that brick wall in the fourth line again.
The second stanza took me back to where I wanted to be. Wanting to hear about two people in love, but the rhyming word “Yealm” again stopped me as an unbelievable word.
In the next paragraph I was taken to George doing his carpentry, but I did not see how that fit into two people in love, and I became lost. Two paragraphs later I find that George is making a bench, but I did not know why. What about May's hobbies? Why do you not talk about her loves?
I did like the technique of rhyming two lines and then moving on to another rhyme for two lines. That kept me wanting more, and kept me reading with the exception of the couple of places that stopped me with unbelievable rhymes. I liked the flow of the poem,and felt it had a very good rhythm to it.
I think this could be a lovely poem, but overall was not a believable story.
I really enjoy this poem. The title tells me it is about waiting for the right words, and the author appeared to convey that feeling in their choice of words, the flow of what comes next, and the meter which drew me to the next stanza.
I read the poem enjoying every word, and found my smile gowing with each line.
This is wonderful, and I look forward to reading more from this Author.
The poem begins with such imagry,and emotion, I am immediately drawn in to the piece. After the fourth line the poem appear to loose the emotion and focus,and I beome lost.
In the second stanza I am eve mor elost when the poem dow not take me bake to the emotion or imagry I fel in the begining. I feel cheated!
I feel the pice can be reworked by holding on to the emotion that I am offered in the first four lines,and improve the imagery.
good luck
Greg
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