Note/Disclaimer before I begin...
As you know, this is YOUR piece. So... thus, you can choose to do what you wish with it. Everything I say here is my opinion and/or suggestion... and nothing more.
GRAMMAR, ETC. ... hurry on their way to tell people of good news or of the bad.
I would suggest making "of good news" and "of the bad" follow the same pattern to help with the parallel structure.
I saw people come and I viewed people go.
This is a little akward.
they were giving him was making him lose to much blood
OOOPs.. you used the wrong to/two/too here... it should be too.
What if it is not the news I wanted to hear?
I think you have an agreement problem here (but I could be wrong)... because you have "What if" and then "wanted"
“Sir, I’m afraid we have some bad news,” the doctor in the turquoise smock on stated.
consider changing "in the turquoise smock on" to "wearing the turquoise smock" or just "in the turquoise smock"
Throughout this piece you have many quotations started with a lowercase letter. Yes, I know they are in the middle of sentences, but I believe they should still be capitalized.
waited for more than a hour to get the doctors update again
doctors should be doctor's (if you mean one doctor) or doctors' (if you mean more than one)
REACTION/EMOTIONAL COMPONENT ....
I enjoyed reading this (and it was just short enough to keep my attention), but the emotions do not yet shine through very strongly for some reason. Maybe not enough description? Maybe describing more of what is being seen than the thoughts going through the mind of the narrator? I'm not sure.
Keep writing, though!
I think you should add the word 'most' to the questoin so it reads "Which of these well-respected famous people, living or dead, would you most want to spend a day with?" as this way it'll allow the voter to want to spend time with more than one.... (but show you the one who is MOST...)
- oh, I said MLK, Jr.... and another thing - -there's a teacher at my high school (of which I grad'd from in 2002... so he's still there) named Bob Dillon... well, it's pronouced the same as Dylan... hehehe.
whether I’m really even here or not,
very cool line!
The poem says a lot... but in a way so its non-graphic. Very well written!
And, I relate SO WELL with the wondering if everything is a dream thing. And WHEN WILL IT END?!
I especailly liked those lines...
This item was written beautifully... but the spaces between each line leads it to read wiht longer breaks between lines. I am not sure if that was your goal or if you had just wanted to poem to look longer... Other than that, as I said, I enjoyed the poem, as well as much of your other writings!!!
The message of this poem are very true. heart-warming. I like how you gave PEOPLE the power in life... not just an uncontrolable force!!! Very strengthening :)
Although this item has a strong emotional aspect to it, the ending is very confusing to me... what is going on??? Maybe you can build that up a little more to expain to the readers!
But, take care, m'dear... and keep writing... and try to be smilin'
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(but show you the one who is MOST...)