From Read & Review. I love your affirmation of faith. How wonderful. I'm glad you find peace and comfort. I am pleased that I read your piece.
While content is great, I do have some punctuation comments. In the 3rd paragraph, I would put a comma after smile. Maybe another one should go after contribution.
I question the next paragraph. Do you really have faith in the goodness of Your own spirit, or do you mean God's spirit?
Leep telling your story. Best wishes.
Pumpkin
So sad. They are sacrificed for such a short period of joy. Most of them are grown in farms with the intent to live a short life. Your poem does them justice and marks the moment well.
Nicely done. No flaws, no suggestions. Enjoyable poem.
I like your poem. I am from a different generation, but it still sounds good to me. I think you did an excellent job. It sounds carefree and attractive, if non-committal. Well done. No suggestions for changes.
Found your newly written poem on Read & Review. It was sort of fun for those who like The Grinch. It was playful and happy and bouncy like children's poems often are.
It was very condensed and resolved very quickly. The reader can't help but feel he had a turnaround too fast. We all know what happened with the Christmas version so there is no surprise.
Technically, it was well done for the most part. The second line was a bit too long to be smooth. In the last two lines, rhyming "absurd" with "dessert" didn't really fit, since the rest of it was so good. The bulk of it flowed quite nicely.
Very well done. An easy read. Good for kids, too.
From read & review. I did not read the byline, so I read it the first time, thinking it was about a soldier at war. You did use the word "battle" which was very appropriate. Fighting any kind of disease is a battle. You don't give an age to the boy, so it could be a baby or an older child. I have an idea
a mother would feel this way even about a grown child. You captured the intensity of the emotion very well.
I have no suggestions for improvement or change. You did a very nice job.
Pumpkin
From Read & Review. I see this is newly posted. I like it. It is soothing and restful to read. You describe contentment so well, I envy it. Your rhyme is good. The pace is easy and gentle. I have no suggestions for improvement or change. I'd say well done. Keep it up.
A wonderful story. Great sentiment. Nicely written. No complaints or suggestions. At first it was hard to connect it with angels. But you wrap it up very well. I liked it very much. I sympathize with those who sleep in arched doorways overnight in cold weather. I know it happens.
Found on Read & Review.
Some very raw emotion is described here. I like it, even though it makes me very sad to read it. You have done a great job with this description and the illustrations you use.
The only thing that stuck out to me was ending a stanza with a preposition. I believe you could omit the word "to" in your second stanza. It still sounds okay to me if you just stop with reacts. It would still make sense and get your point across. Poetry generally benefits from fewer words.
I'd say top notch job.
Just my own amateurish view. Take it or ignore it.
Although the foreboding was there all along, I still gasped at the end. You built the tension very well. It felt powerful.
The only thing that stood out to me was the use of "unfortunately". I think it works the first time you use it. The second time it seems like an understatement. There are no rules about how often you can use a word; it just stood struck me.
For flash fiction, it is very good.
Hi, from Read & Review.
A sad story. I kept hoping she would be rescued. Right up to the end, I was hoping some strong relative would come by and help her up, rousing her out of her dream.
A very realistic story. Older people do have a problem with balance and don't heal as quickly when they break a bone or hit the head. It is so easy to see this as a true story.
You did an excellent job. I wouldn't change a thing.
The mind is a very mysterious thing. I have read of images of demons stirring the thoughts, bringing confusion. You did a great job of your acrostic. Maybe the average person, however, would not understand "redemption".
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I agree with much of what you write. Being thankful on a regular basis is good for us and our mental well-being. The church or temple community reinforces the need for continual gratitude.
For me Thanksgiving is better than Christmas, no worry about pleasing others, relaxing, overeating good food you don't normally have. It's a nice break from the working world, time with family and friends. Now that much shopping is done online, the sales the day after aren't that attractive. Some of us don't have the money for shopping, so our attitude doesn't change on Friday.
I have tried the gratitude journal you mentioned. It is worthwhile.
Good blog entry.
Found you on Read & Review. Nice story. Eventually, one of the generations rebels and asks, "Why do I want your keepsake?" The creepy reaction rang true.
The only criticism I have is I didn't get the 4th paragraph. "Sort of look on her face wasn't clear. I had to read it several times to understand the girl's facial expression silently asked her dad if it was ok.
Very good for flash fiction.
Hi, found this on Read & Review. Well done. No suggestions for changes or corrections. My favorite line was "not the echoes of what others demand". Great encouragement. Sound appears to be the most important sense here.
Great job. Let's see more.
This was mesmerizing. I had to read it twice to be sure I understood the story. It was a little scary. Yet it contained some tender insights.
Great descriptions. You did a lovely job. No suggestions for changes or corrections.
Give us more.
Came up in Read and review-good timing.
I love your tribute to veterans. your rhythm was smooth, even for free verse. You rhymed very well.
The images and feelings were very clear. Great message of respect and gratitude.
Good job.
Greetings. Found this on Read & Review. Timely, since Sunday is All Saints Day. Churches will be remembering everyone who has passed this last year. So that was on my mind as I read this, which started as a tribute to someone.
Losing someone does make us turn contemplative. We think of the past. Our lives seem so short, so fleeting. You captured the essence of that mood.
No suggestions for changes. Well done. Keep up the good work.
Hello. This was on Read and Review. What a story. I couldn't quit reading. I felt bad for the investors who didn't have all the info they needed.
Well written. I found no errors and have no suggestions.
This flash fiction looks like it had some word requirements, since some words are still highlighted.
Good job. I enjoyed your story.
I came across this on R & R. I hope I'm not intruding into the contest deadline. It was a very cute poem. Could be a better explanation for Elf on the Shelf, not just getting by, but to keep on trying for your best. Maybe a new take on the old adage, "If at first you don't succeed. . ."
Good job.
On Read & Review. I don't know what the contest rules were or anything about this type of poem. To me, it appears flawless. I liked it. It rang so true. Great job.
Sorry, I can't give a fitting review.
From Read & Review. I don't know if this was for a contest and might have had some restraints.
The subject is beautiful. I understand the sentiment. The message you bring is a sublime one. The rhyme is good. There are no typos or other technical errors.
However, the rhythm is a little off. Religious poems frequently become hymns, so you might try making up a little tune while you say the words out loud. The result might be a more consistent rhythm from stanza to stanza.
A very good effort. You express your feelings very well on a difficult subject (so many people have tried). Keep writing about your faith. It is worthy of art at its best.
Good story. What every woman should read if she doesn't want to cook and knows her husband can!
It caught my attention immediately and I had to keep reading. Good use of dialogue and descriptions.
I found no typos and have no suggestions for changes or correctons.
Good job.
The first, maybe only, distraction is the "Wh" on a line by itself to start. Presumably a typo.
Otherwise, it was informative. I had no idea fanny packs were back. The only ones I ever encountered were not fashionable, but were very lightweight, sometimes rain-proof.
I never had one myself. After reading your article, I think maybe I need one. A lot of old people need one to carry a cell phone, a house key or whatever, when doing yard work or taking a walk. Just in case. I always have a phone nearby in case I fall off a ladder or trip and hit the ground. A fanny pack would give me some assurance.
You do a good selling job. I am sure I use a lot of outdated items.
Very cute. I liked it. I had to keep reading to find out the end. "Don't" in front of any thing almost always works with kids. I did wonder how many times the mom had to do that.
No suggestions for improvements or editing.
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