Found on Red & Review.
This was quite different and unexpected. It was very entertaining. I enjoyed reading it. I found no flaws in spelling or grammar. I noticed the lack of punctuation.
A nice little story. Keep it up.
Regards,
Pumpkin
Hi there,
this was under read & review.
I don't know how you did in the contest, but I thought your poem was very cute. It's a very clever take on what may have happened to Mary and her lamb as the years went by.
I find no errors or suggestions. Good job.
Pumpkin
Hello,
I found this short piece on Read & Review. The sentiment is great. There are some grammatical and typing errors.
I am a strong woman deserves a period after it. It is a complete statement.
"I hold my head up high" is repeated at the end of the line. It doesn't need to be duplicated.
A capital "I" should be used instead of lower case, to carry out the message of strength.
I'm well dressed. The 'ed ' is needed on the end to keep the emphasis on the woman herself, not the clothing.
The way others dress might be changed to "different way than I", or "from me". Then is a time word. I would leave out "and". Simply say I am who I am. It should be "world" not word--probably just a typo.
Good, positive statement. You just need to proofread and make some minor corrections.
Good luck with many more strong positive statements.
As requested, here is the review. I laughed out loud! What a sense of humor in that boy. I don't normally like sports stories, but I couldn't stop reading this one. The details weren't too involved for someone who doesn't know water polo.
I get the bees. They will attack red tee shirts or bright yellow, as well The black dye was a good antidote.
Your descriptions were very good. You painted scenes easy to imagine. I saw no technical errors.
Overall, a very good story.
Lovely tribute to someone special. No typos, all technical aspects good. I do have trouble with :My" in front of hakuna matata. The writer now has hakuna matata because of his mate, but you wouldn't say "my absence of worries" or "my no problems" if you were using other language. Maybe I just don't hear the phrase enough, but I've never heard anyone called that. Otherwise, very nicely done.
Cool. Love the comparison of Grandmother's lead-crystal to the beechwood leaves early on a frosty morning. Maybe it's because I love this time of year, warm daytimes and cold nights. Somehow the first frost brings a little nostalgia with it.
No complaints. Excellent work. Keep it up.
Found on Read & Review. I found no technical errors or suggestions.
The mood is definitely dark and depressing. It sounds like it belongs to an era of destruction, the aftermath of war or other disaster. Hope is lost. "If I were alone" sounds like the author is not alone yet, but maybe feels alone. No one else is having the same thoughts or feelings. The author is disillusioned and disappointed, maybe feeling rejected.
Worth reading a few times. Good job.
Hi, I started sniffling as soon as I read "goldenrod". You did a great job describing the season, I had a professor, decades ago, who said autumn was like middle age waning, the last great attempt at beauty before the winter comes.
I learned some new words in your explanation on the newsfeed. Thanks.
Good job.
From Read & Review
What a great short, short story! I loved reading it. No technical hindrances. Well done.
The stream of consciousness is so believable, a young boy who wants to keep his actions secret, but can't take his mind off them. So he pretends to pay attention to Grandma.
Good job.
Random Read & Review
I get the title and short description. This is not the story, just the setting for a possible novel.
But I felt lost. I kept expecting Amber and her parents to be animals in a children's story. I admit it is probably my own limited imagination, or just because you didn't have time or space to flesh it out a bit more. Then at the end, it went beyond setting to a premise by mentioning the unknown birth place.
Technical aspects were fine: spelling, sentence structure, etc.
For those of us without your insight or creative vision, we could use a little more explanation about what really makes this school different and exciting. You build the anticipation, which is a strength. I hope you will expand on this for us.
Found in Read & Review:
The story was great, but a little confusing at times. It sounded like a house full of children, but only Jimmy is mentioned. "Every one of them" sounds like multiple kids. Then there's the garden, as in a permanent home, while vacationing at the beach.
I stumbled over the rhythm in a few places. Otherwise, the writing was good.
Good vacation tale.
Wow. This was different. I'm glad you included the prompt. This was an interesting tale with a surprise ending. You had a lot of limitations when doing this, but it seems you handled them well. It's sort of a mystery as well as adventure.
No problems from my perspective. Maybe one day you will have time to develop the premise.
Ok, I had to check out the floury language. Now, I'm afraid to bake. I have never done it properly. Spices have to go by measuring spoons; who could weigh an 1/8 tsp properly?
I learned to bake by always sifting flour, but these days, recipes are written for pre-sifted or un-sifted flour.
You bring up interesting things, too technical for me in the kitchen. The writing is flawless.
Very bazaar, but original.
Found in Read & Review.
Sounds like very sound advice. No flaws in you technical aspects. You might break it up into three shorter sections to keep your reader from drifting in thought. You might add something about the rewards of revamping.
Good job, keep it up.
I love the title and agree wholeheartedly. As far as the writing goes, it is sound and shows no flaws.
I follow the FLY lady, who would agree with everything you wrote. There are a few things we must do everyday, including bed-making, things we do once a week (different days, different chores), and some more thorough things once a month. She agrees Saturdays and Sundays are not chore days.
It seems the principles you hit have a universal appeal and have proven sound with many others.
Keep writing.
This came up in Read and Review. It certainly brought back a lot of memories and images to me. I lived in a dorm, so some format and schedules were already set. Your character is preparing his own meals and time tables.
Your rhyme is consistent. I saw no flaws. You paint a vivid picture in just a few lines. Well done. And your conclusion doesn't come off sounding like a moral to a fable.
Wow. This is a bleak way to start the day. The reader gets a sense of loneliness and dreariness. A lot of us have a hard time starting the day, the same ol' same ol' day after day. You caught that feeling.
I sensed a consistent rhythm throughout. The rhyme was good. I saw no flaws or possible changes.
Great poem.
What a cute story. And I liked the way you repeated the film titles in the summary. I found no errors or weaknesses. I hope you did well in the contest. What holds the story together is the obvious friendship between the characters and the way they accept each other's flaws.
Nice job.
I'm glad you're addicted to trinkets, and not beer.
I understand the feeling. Good luck to you in your searching.
Your poem is cute, spelled properly, grammatically correct. I find no errors of a technical nature.
You also make a good point: when we achieve our goals, there is a little let down. We want more!
I see you wrote this a year ago. It is appropriate for now as well, since it is August. I love fairs, all the old-fashioned, homespun qualities of food, crafts, crops, and animals. And you are right to point out the Foreign visitors see the fairs. I want to see the "roots" of a place, how they work and farm, etc. You didn't mention the heat, just the smoke. The summer weather makes these fairs possible, but makes them uncomfortable.
Overall, you captured an accurate picture and atmosphere. No technical errors.
Hello,
How sad. I know you hurt for your daughter. You only explore your memories and how you feel about your daughter's experience. There is no mention of other family, marriage history, or health up to that point. You deal exclusively with feelings; facts only come up as necessary.
I can relate a little. My dear niece lost a husband suddenly at age 36, when she was pregnant with her third child. The kids actually helped her through with their neediness, but they also keep alive the empty spot he left.
I like the larger print, but I also noticed most sentences were a separate paragraph. I didn't know if you were going for a prose poem. For me personally, I would prefer grouping the thoughts together into regular story format, but then I am not the expert. Take me with a grain of salt.
There were no spelling or grammatical errors, no typos. Very interesting story.
Hello,
First I admit I had to look up the definition of coronach. zit certainly fitted your sonnet. It made me feel sad to read it, being able too easily to relate to what you write. It is indeed emotional and familiar.
Your spelling, etc., were fine. The rhythm might need a little smoothness. That's the hardest part of writing sonnets.
Well done. By all means, keep expressing common emotions.
Pumpkin
Hello, Fellow Writer,
I was fascinated by your poem. I'm not sure I understand the message. There is such a mixture of children, ice cream, parks, decay, staleness and freshness. Your images are quite vivid, the most striking phrase was : "a beauty and a nothingness".
August is not my favorite month because of the heat and humidity in my part of the world, so the bleakness you depict suits my fancy. On the other hand, tomatoes peak in August and peaches start to come ripe. That's a good thing.
It sounds like you have very mixed feelings about August!
Thanks for sharing your poem with us.
Pumpkin
Hello,
First I tell you I love the sentiment. I feel the same way and contrast in my own mind poverty and extravagance. And I do like a sonnet, my favorite form to write.
Although your rhyme is perfect, the rhythm is a little shaky, especially in the third stanza. And I question the use of the word verily. For those of us who like reading sonnets or who write on WDC, it is a common word. But the average person today wouldn't use it.
I have read your work before and like it. You have great potential. Try saying it out loud and see if you can make it sound smoother.
Best wishes,Pumpkin
I am not offended by anything you wrote. I could not detect any political leanings on your part. You have a right to address the "atmosphere" of our culture right now.
I agree that people of all political parties must unite against violence and work for peace, even though they have different ways of going about that. Not all Dems are of one mind; not all Reps are of one mind. Everyone judges by what is already utmost in their hearts. No one, including the media, come with a fresh mind or open slate.
Our reaction should be tolerance and patience, not judgement or revenge.
I do believe you wrote "stagged" and meant staged.
A very difficult topic. Sorry you had some bad emotional reactions
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