Hello, I came across this under Read & Review. The story is interesting enough. The author raises good questions A he wrestles with his conscience. However, he leaves a few questions unanswered, like why a group "had planned my sister's murder", even though she was only 5. Was it really a plan that went awry and killed her by accident? We aren't told.
There are several technical problems. In the first line, I believe sisters should be sister's, and that murders should be murderers. In the next sentence I would leave out the word had, otherwise it sounds incomplete.
The second paragraph should begin with Ever, no y.
The last paragraph might sound better if it read "I owed that group a debt," then continue as written. Put a comma after this to get a pause before right.
An intriguing story. I see you just wrote this, so you may have not had time to edit. You can do that now before anyone else sees it. Always edit before submitting. I usually edit again after submitting.
Hello, I found your poem under R&R. It was lovely. I find no technical faults, and have no suggestions. It did make me wish I could listen to some of those stories or read some of them. Scenes from old black and white movies flashed through my head as I read your words.
Very good job.
Hi.
I found this under Read & Review. It's so true. You've have done an excellent job.
I do think the third line should have a hyphen between mirror and like.
As we age, we tend to dread what we see in the mirror, but can't stop looking. You've captured that real experience very well.
Hello. I read your poem and enjoyed it. It had an air of nostalgia, of being grateful for pleasant memories of childhood. And then I noticed the title and felt confused. Elegy made me think something or someone had died. I had to reread it. It finally occurred to me, I'm slow, that the poet misses dragons and mermaids, It made me think of Wordsworth who felt the innocence of childhood was our most alive time.
I noticed no technical errors or suggestions. It is splendid as is.
Thanks for sharing.
Wow. I admire what you did with the diamond shape. Fitting all those letters so perfectly, while still making sense and paying tribute to a gem, is remarkable. I find no fault, no suggestions. It looks and reads great! Excellent job. You are a master of words.
Hi,
This is a nice story. I just have a few technical items.
The first use of the fairy's name is "Daily". That's a typo, and you can edit it before anyone else sees it and comments on it.
Towards the end, there are a few grammatical things, like "awarded wings that" and then you end the sentence with a preposition. You have several choices. One could be ""wings with which she learned to fly" or "wings that enabled her to learn flying." Something like that.
The last thing I'll point out is that in the last sentence, the comma goes after the quotation marks, not before.
I see this is relatively new, so you can edit as much as you like, unless it was for a contest. After the contest judging is done, you can change anything you like.
Keep writing happy stories. You didn't mark this for children's lit, but you might add that category and get a larger reading audience.
From Read & Review: I found no technical errors and have no suggestions to clean it up. I thought the story was great. It had a surprise ending. I expected the old lady to be Gina. Although, you never say, one is lead to believe it is a guilt-ridden Molly who never knew the whole story.
Overall, I thought it was an excellent story.
Hello, I liked your story. It reminded me of train rides I've taken, none so pleasant as the one you describe.
Technical aspects: Everything looks good.
The way the story unwinds, one is lead to believe she is dying. She's revisiting her past, seeing the people she "has loved and lost". It gives this feeling of peace and warmth. Eleanor's death, if that is what's happening, is comfortable and rewarding. It could be expanded into other things, like a coma or some new dimension, but it is fine as it is.
It was interesting and full of possibilities.
Pumpkin
This was on R& R. Very imaginative. So real, I could envision the action on the screen, the stark contrast in colors. You captured the odd way he put his sentences together, so it sounds real, too. It's amazing how it is so familiar to so many people almost fifty years later!
Good job.
this was under R&R today. I liked your poem, well written, concise. It says a lot in just a few words. The last stanza is the best.
The only thing I would question is the second sentence in your intro/header. It is the voice of doom and gloom, prevalent in every generation that has ever been on the planet. I would stop after the first sentence. It fits with the poem which points to the author's attempt to live on a higher moral plane.
Keep writing.
Hi, I found this in Read & Review.
A nice poem in form and rhyme. It is an unusual subject for poetry, but one which I've heard much about. I know it is difficult for the parents and the siblings to live with this condition. In most cases, they learn to adapt and be very successful. "Outsiders" have little idea of what the family is enduring during these growing up years. Thanks for sharing and getting the word out.
Hope you do well in your contest.
Found this on Read & Review.
It was great. No faults, no suggestions. At first I thought the subject had passed away, but then you made it clear, she grew away.
It was very powerful. Thanks for sharing.
Welcome to WDC. Happy writing.
From Read and Review. This is indeed an emotional poem, a little nostalgic, maybe remorseful. Between the lines I detect anger and regret.
Your rhyme is fine. The rhythm could be a little smoother, especially in the 3rd stanza. I would have liked a little punctuation, like a period at the end of a thought. That would indicate a pause or a breath when reading out loud, and help sound out the rhythm.
Overall, the thoughts and images are clear. Good job.
I liked your poem. It was funny. And it seemed too real. We only get that stuff out once a year. We didn't have rats, but we stored stuff in the attic which gets too hot in the summer, and things ruin.
A good stiff drink might be the best part of decorating each year.
Found on Red & Review.
This was quite different and unexpected. It was very entertaining. I enjoyed reading it. I found no flaws in spelling or grammar. I noticed the lack of punctuation.
A nice little story. Keep it up.
Regards,
Pumpkin
Hi there,
this was under read & review.
I don't know how you did in the contest, but I thought your poem was very cute. It's a very clever take on what may have happened to Mary and her lamb as the years went by.
I find no errors or suggestions. Good job.
Pumpkin
Hello,
I found this short piece on Read & Review. The sentiment is great. There are some grammatical and typing errors.
I am a strong woman deserves a period after it. It is a complete statement.
"I hold my head up high" is repeated at the end of the line. It doesn't need to be duplicated.
A capital "I" should be used instead of lower case, to carry out the message of strength.
I'm well dressed. The 'ed ' is needed on the end to keep the emphasis on the woman herself, not the clothing.
The way others dress might be changed to "different way than I", or "from me". Then is a time word. I would leave out "and". Simply say I am who I am. It should be "world" not word--probably just a typo.
Good, positive statement. You just need to proofread and make some minor corrections.
Good luck with many more strong positive statements.
As requested, here is the review. I laughed out loud! What a sense of humor in that boy. I don't normally like sports stories, but I couldn't stop reading this one. The details weren't too involved for someone who doesn't know water polo.
I get the bees. They will attack red tee shirts or bright yellow, as well The black dye was a good antidote.
Your descriptions were very good. You painted scenes easy to imagine. I saw no technical errors.
Overall, a very good story.
Lovely tribute to someone special. No typos, all technical aspects good. I do have trouble with :My" in front of hakuna matata. The writer now has hakuna matata because of his mate, but you wouldn't say "my absence of worries" or "my no problems" if you were using other language. Maybe I just don't hear the phrase enough, but I've never heard anyone called that. Otherwise, very nicely done.
Cool. Love the comparison of Grandmother's lead-crystal to the beechwood leaves early on a frosty morning. Maybe it's because I love this time of year, warm daytimes and cold nights. Somehow the first frost brings a little nostalgia with it.
No complaints. Excellent work. Keep it up.
Found on Read & Review. I found no technical errors or suggestions.
The mood is definitely dark and depressing. It sounds like it belongs to an era of destruction, the aftermath of war or other disaster. Hope is lost. "If I were alone" sounds like the author is not alone yet, but maybe feels alone. No one else is having the same thoughts or feelings. The author is disillusioned and disappointed, maybe feeling rejected.
Worth reading a few times. Good job.
Hi, I started sniffling as soon as I read "goldenrod". You did a great job describing the season, I had a professor, decades ago, who said autumn was like middle age waning, the last great attempt at beauty before the winter comes.
I learned some new words in your explanation on the newsfeed. Thanks.
Good job.
From Read & Review
What a great short, short story! I loved reading it. No technical hindrances. Well done.
The stream of consciousness is so believable, a young boy who wants to keep his actions secret, but can't take his mind off them. So he pretends to pay attention to Grandma.
Good job.
Random Read & Review
I get the title and short description. This is not the story, just the setting for a possible novel.
But I felt lost. I kept expecting Amber and her parents to be animals in a children's story. I admit it is probably my own limited imagination, or just because you didn't have time or space to flesh it out a bit more. Then at the end, it went beyond setting to a premise by mentioning the unknown birth place.
Technical aspects were fine: spelling, sentence structure, etc.
For those of us without your insight or creative vision, we could use a little more explanation about what really makes this school different and exciting. You build the anticipation, which is a strength. I hope you will expand on this for us.
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