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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hershe
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4 Public Reviews Given
4 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
It was a good story! Although there were some problems, but they might just be ones only I had.
The one that stuck out was, the horses. Not just that they were left, which couldn't be helped, but that they hadn't frozen to death or reacted much during the fight, unless I missed something saying they'd left. And at the start it said his clothes were brown, then described his hat as green. You could have been more specific at the beginning, as sudden changes throw it off.
There wasn't much of a draw to it, I could easily stop at any point and not care whether or not I picked it back up.
But, the grammar was fine, his resistance to "Go back" was felt, and the actual story sounds well thought out.

Cul gob broh!
2
2
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hm, it was pretty good. Sometimes you used the word "And" a couple times too many, but it didn't really mess it up. Otherwise, it was good, but I didn't really feel his frustration. It was like watching a bad actor, but at the same time it made him more human, I guess.
Overall, you did good, I just couldn't really relate to him. It would have been better to feel a little annoyed too, but instead it was just watching (Watching as in, you did great describing what was going on) and not being involved. It IS a short story though, so all of this can easily be overlooked.

I hope you enjoyed my kind of long, spaced out induced review. ;)
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