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1,493 Public Reviews Given
1,547 Total Reviews Given
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Honest and encouraging
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Proofreading for grammar, letting you know which areas of your writing work and which might be improved
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Fantasy, historical, adventure, sci-fi
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Murder, horror, erotica
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Anything with graphic violence, sexual content or profanity
Public Reviews
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Review of Surprise  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a tense piece that had me hooked as drama unfolds. Beaoul is a hell-hound who not only can speak but also has more emotional intelligence and empathy than most hell-hounds. Here, the sides with a woman who is held prisoner and helps her escape, even if it means Beaoul defying her mistress Mira Black. I liked the contrast between Mira complaining over a broken fingernail and the poor prisoner enduring horrendous torture as it shows just what a villain Mira is and how little she thinks of others. I'm interested to hear what a neutral Middle of Everywhen entity is.

You capitalised whispered here by mistake: out of here," Whispered the prisoner
There should be a full stop instead of a comma at the end of the dialogue here: You need to go," The woman gasped for breath.
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Review of The Dance  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
I saw this piece advertised in the Fantasy unicorn theme newsletter. As a lover of unicorns, the magical incident that the grandmother relates to her grandchild enthralled me. Some of the descriptions, such as the unicorn hoofs sounding like the bones of the earth and the water so cold it burns like fire are incredible and original. The story was well-written and easy to follow. It may have been simply a tale to entertain a fanciful grandchild, except for the wonderful ending where the grandmother points to the nodule on her forehead that is a reminder of the time she danced with unicorns.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
This pirate story is full of action, twists and turns. I liked the style of writing as a journal and you did a great job of entering Olivia’s head. I was cheering for her and I was pleased she and Cyrus got together after a slow start to their romance with Cyrus hiding his feelings.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
This poem made me really feel for the poor princess locked in the dungeon. I felt like I was there in the dark listening to the rats and the distant footsteps of the guards! I'm pleased her heroic knight in shining armour was there to rescue her. I loved the part where he arrives on his black horse to ride away with her. She is a lucky girl going to Unicorn Island - having read some of your stories about the island I know it is a magical place.

In the first line you put two 'in' by mistake, the first one should be 'is': 'in in the dungeon'
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Review of The Wheel  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
What I liked best:
I loved the way you adapted folklore from Greek and Celtic legends about the changing seasons. You begin the poem referencing Demeter, and the notion of the harvest goddess is carried through to the part where you describe the summer and autumn seasons and their fruitfulness. However, in the references to the Crone and the names of the different times of year, Celtic folklore comes across strongly.
The notion of the seasons personified in the lives of a woman and her husband is an excellent one and draws the poem together well. I enjoyed the sense of coming round full circle at the end as the woman dies giving birth to a daughter in her old age, as her mother did. This not only symbolises the repetitive circling of the year, but also introduces emotions of loss, closure and new hope that are felt as winter turns to spring.
The refrain at the end of each section where you repeat the names of the different times of year give the poem a wonderful song-like effect.

Some suggestions:

I found these two lines a little confusing as I wasn't sure what was going on. Maybe revise these to tease out their meaning in a clearer fashion for the reader?
'Before flows passed from Mother ceases
Begin to gather all the pieces'

You don't need to capitalise and here: 'Lord And Lady slow their pace'

I feel that a full stop should end the poem here to give a sense of closure, or perhaps try an ellipses to create a sense of going back over time as the wheel turns again: 'Give the wheel another turn'

For readers unfamiliar with folklore, I wondered about adding a glossary at the end of the poem explaining the terms you use e.g. the beliefs surrounding Yule, Imbolic, Oestra, Beltain, Litha, Lughnasadh, Mabon and Samhain, plus a little about the Crone goddess and Demeter myths that you reference?


Thanks again for the enjoyable read. If you're interested in folklore, you might like to check out some of my blogs about the folklore inspiration for my fantasy writing: https://hollymerryauthor.wordpress.com/blog/


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Lyrical Minds  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a nicely put poem about the value of songs in our daily lives. The reminder that song-writers, like poets, play with the music of words, is a great theme to choose for a poem. This piece is well composed and expresses its meaning in a clear and thoughtful way. I especially liked the idea of writers being inspired 'from above.'
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
What a cute teddy bear - I've never seen one with purple fur before. He's a very handsome and unusual bear and fits the name Prince very well with his 'Purple Rain' fur. He is a lovely gift from your husband and clearly a special and well loved bear. This piece is nicely written and it's easy to understand what the bear means to you.
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Review of Sleeping  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I loved the idea that Sleeping Beauty would be tired of dreaming all the dreams it is possible to dream, and that she has forgotten what colour the sky is. These ideas are very apt and original.
The butterfly section reminds me of Alice in Wonderland. It was neat how you transformed what Luna thinks is a butterfly to a prince who luckily knows CPR. I loved this realistic twist on the kiss of life!
I enjoyed the story of the prince being a modern man unwittingly conveyed to the castle. The dialogue about the destiny detector was hilarious! I can see Luna is keen for the happy ending with her reluctant prince, but this story might also the the start of a longer one before they get together. I think all good short stories have the potential to be part of something more.
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Review of Haste And Hurry  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
Autumn is my favourite season so I loved this piece. The autumn colours are lovely at the moment!
I love the rhyming word choice and how you’ve conveyed a sense of movement using words like scurrying, flurrying, bustling and flustering. This creates a sense of how busy nature is at this time of year, especially in windy weather when leaves, chestnuts and even branches blow. I like how you prelude winter with the idea of wood for sledges.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
Opening: I appreciated the reflective mood with which you open this story. I could easily picture Deruda sat by the stream and it was nice to get to ‘know’ her in a peaceful situation before the action begins.

Plot: The storyline was interesting and easy to follow. I enjoyed the mix of action and surprises. The pacing of the plot was just right and this increased the reader's interest in the episodes within this chapter.

Characters: To me, one of the strongest elements of this chapter was the characterisation. I loved Deruda's character and the mysteries thrown up by her being the empress. She clearly feels confined by being an empress, as you show as she sits by the stream. She is a feisty, fun young woman and a skilled fighter. This contrast with her appearance confined by a veil, elaborate outfit and court etiquette. Then there is the fact she behaves like a maid which puzzled me and made me want to know more.
Faron comes across as easy to identify with. He's hoping to make a career for himself and has some stiff competition with many others vying for a place as an honour guard. I also liked the fact he's not afraid to admit that Deruda is a better fighter and that she rescues him as this is a twist on the usual 'knight rescues princess' story.
The lord chancellor is an interesting character, wily and clearly skilled at the machinations of court. It will be interesting to see where you take him later in the story.

Settings: I enjoyed how well you described the world of the novel. The forest, stream and city were places that it was easy for me to picture as I read. The throne room and how the empress looks were also effectively described. It might have been nice to have a bit more description of the room where Deruda appears to be working as a maid as at fist I wasn't sure this was in the palace.

Ending: I loved the twist at the ending. I didn’t expect Deruda to be the empress after just having seen her working like a maid in the palace. Before this, there were hints that she may be more than a maid as she is clearly skilled with a blade. However, knowing she is the Empress throws up more questions. For example, why was she behaving like a maid and how will her relationship with Faron develop. This is effective at making readers want to continue the story.

Some suggestions:
Between the first a second paragraphs, you don’t have Deruda try to dry her feet before putting her boots on, but this would be the logical thing to do to stop her feet feeling uncomfortable in her boots. Maybe she dries them on some dry grass or the edge of her cloak or skirt?
‘Eventually, thinning to open out to empty land before approaching the city.’ This might be easier to understand if you wrote: ‘Eventually, the forest thinned and opened out…’
‘Deruda sheafed her sword’ this should be ‘sheathed.’
You missed and capital I here: ‘i’m headed to Kapor’
Make this into two sentences, or insert an and between 'evening' and 'Deruda': ‘It was early evening Deruda was dressed as a kitchen maid’
‘Are just a kitchen scullery?’ Should be ‘Are you just a scullery maid’
‘Leaving Faron Donway, shaking his head in bewilderment.’ Should be ‘Faron Donway was left shaking his head in bewilderment.’
'This' might sound better that 'which' here: ‘Which made the chancellor’s smile’
Between 'grace' and 'she' a comma would look better than a full stop: ‘Walking towards the throne with effortless grace. She seated herself comfortably on the gilt throne.’
You should have a full stop between 'please' and 'the empress' here: ‘please the empress’
‘hesitated in disbelieve’ should be disbelief.

I enjoyed reading this chapter, and I hope my comments are helpful.
If you're interested, I recently published my first epic fantasy novel 'King of the House Elves.' The story is available on Amazon, but if you wanted to read it at a discount, from the 29th to the 31st of October the eBook has 50% off on Barnes and Noble and Google Play.

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The story is automatically discounted on Kobo from the 29th of October to the 7th November:
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Review of Shades of Fall  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
The first paragraph is lovely - I could clearly picture the scene. It also drew me on wanting to know more as Mrs. Leary's fainting spells sound intriguing. I wanted to get to know the girls too as at first there was just an overview.
I loved the banter between Anika and Luce as they relate amusing incidents that happened in the village. Also, the fact they are heading out to do the washing in a stream cleverly shows readers that this is set in a fantasy world without modern technology.
The descriptions of the Fall Feast, Fallow Tree and lake are beautiful! I loved every word and felt like I was in the world of the story as I read.
The ending of the first section with Luce suddenly vanished with a scream as Anika touched the Fallow Tree was a brilliant cliffhanger.
In the next section, you do a great job of conveying a sinister mood. The leaves that you opened the story with now look blood-red and when Anika finds Luce she looks like she is under water. This ghostly idea was original and nicely done! I also liked Anika's thoughts turning over how she's to tell everyone in the village about Luce's disappearance.
The typewriter came as a surprise! I love how it contrasted with my expectations of what Anika might find it this seemingly primitive dwelling. It adds an air of magic and otherworldliness to Anna. She clearly has a great past story - I began to imagine her coming from another world and a time near out own like Claire in 'Outlander.'
I loved how the story unfolded as Anika encounters a whole village of people who are dressed in what to her appear to be outlandish fashions. Some are clearly modern people who have become trapped there! You show great imagination here. I loved how you unfolded the explanation of how they came there as Anika talks to Anna.
The tension built towards the end in a dramatic fashion. The stakes were high as it seemed impossible for Anika to escape. You also showed what she was missing as she looks out at her family and Luce and the Fall Feast. This meant readers agree with her motivations and want her to suceed. I thought Anika was dead when she fell from the Fallow Tree, but luckily not!
The ending of the story seemed to promise more. I want to know why Anika fainted and what happens when she wakes up. I always think the best short stories suggest the characters go on in exciting adventures outside the world of the story...

I love the stylish scene breaks that you use - they have such a magical feel.

Some suggestions: I wondered if you needed to clarify that it's leaves you mean by 'Fall colours' in the first line? I'm sure most readers would guess it but I wondered if something like 'Golden leaves' might be better?
You missed a 'she' between' 'back' and 'continued' here: 'instead of brushing them back continued with her story'
Do you mean hutch or hut here? Hutch makes me think of rabbits! 'She slowed to a careful approach when she neared the first hutch.'
At first, Anika approaches the home in the forest thinking to ask for a guide home. Then she decides to shelter there before aiming to get a guide home the next day. Maybe you need to add a little more about why she decides to shelter - I thought it might be good to have the woman say it's too dark to take her back safely, or the weather turns bad, or Anika is tempted by the idea of food and a warm fire to sit near?
I may have missed something, but it's suddenly stated that the woman's name is Anna. Maybe you might have her introduce herself to Anika to explain how she knows her name?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Tree Fairies  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a well-written and fun story. I loved the way you describe the fairies making homes in the woodland, holding feasts with food gathered from the woodland. The story was easy to picture and focusing on one family with children makes this tale appeal to little ones. It was nice the fairy king wanted to help the family and that there was a happy ending. The dog pee was a surprise twist at the end and sure to make kids laugh.

I think there may be something missing from this sentence as it reads awkwardly: ‘All but our small family brought food, who survived because they had great food to eat during these meals’
I also wondered if you might make some of the early plot points in the story into a dialogue between the fairies so the story feels more real and draws readers in?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Path  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a beautiful piece. The beauty of the imagery and short, regular length of the paragraphs gives this piece the effect of poetry. I too wish I lived in Lothlorien! The images in this piece are breathtaking in their loveliness, yet also relaxing. I could easily picture the autumn leaves, stars and waterfall. It was nice to linger in the wood in this piece rather than passing through it and on to other adventures.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is a beautifully written poem, taking the traditional romantic subject of love and roses. I enjoyed the image of roses of a deep, velvet hue as it perfectly conveys the look and texture of the petals. The ending of tarnished jewels lost from the split crown is an unusual one and fits the theme of the poem about making the most of youth and love.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I found the deliberate lack of punctuation here aided the effect of creating a repetitive short, sharp shock that mirrors the sound of bullets. It also suggests that despite such atrocities, humanity keeps repeating these awful deeds. The end of the poem where readers are encouraged to think and pray becomes even more powerful with this thought in mind. I felt the choice of ‘mini-monoverse’ poetic structure fitted the subject matter now as the poem created the sound of gunshot when read out loud. It was nice you mentioned the poetic form and an explanation of this at the end.
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Review of Sweet Peggy Lee  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a well-written poem describing having a conversation with Peggy Lee about the Hollywood film she’s in and its romantic story. The poem is full of interest and I could easily picture Peggy Lee and how she feels. I love the fact that at the end it is revealed that this poem is a dream - surely many people can relate to dreaming of meeting a favourite actress in Hollywood?
The poetic form was consistent and I enjoyed the rhyming endings.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a sinister poem perfect for the Halloween season. Was the picture that goes with it a prompt or something you found to inspire you? It fits the tone and action of the poem perfectly. I loved the idea of the witch’s evil shadow looming. ‘Even the moon bears her mark’ shows how powerful she is.
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Review of Corona  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A powerful and poignant poem. I like how you used the image of an evil king controlling the chess board as a metaphor for Covid here. The poem weaves in many of the changes, privations, fears and uncertainties of life in Covid times. At moments there was amusement, at other times a sinister sense of dread. It conveys the mood of the pandemic well I feel.
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Review of Cat Journal  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is evocatively described. I like how it conveys the sense of how cats are always part of our lives, watching us in the unlikeliest of places - here the bathroom! The choice of words make this poem unusual and something to appreciate as it conjures vivid pictures. I liked the way the misted mirror echos the pale winter sky.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: ASR | N/A (Review only item.)
This is an inspirational piece. I love how you drew on the strength both your female relatives snd famous women taught you. The reasons you admire them and what they taught you were well described. There is a good mix here - women in history, writers, important royal and political figures, singers and actresses.
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Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Your Great Grandma Edna sounds quite a character and I’d love to meet her. Her character being a sweet lady who loves animals but who sticks up for herself sounds great. The scrapbooks sound do pretty - I love Edwardian scrapbooks, also the screens ladies decorated with picture scraps in those days. What a life Edna had - gypsies, rescuing a cow, horse riding, nursing and having a friend on the Titanic. Thank you for sharing her story. I hope you live to be at least 90 like her too!
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Review of The World's Gone!  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
This poem does a lovely job at capturing a child’s wonderment at the natural world. Jessica’s lively imagination is delightful and amusing. The way you write perfectly captures the voice of a child and her curiosity about the weather outside. I enjoyed reading how she thought her school had vanished as she couldn’t see far in the fog. The idea of the sun being broken and wanting to play with the moon are striking - Jessica sounds an imaginative girl with all her questions.
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Review of Man Born Blind  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
A spiritually though-provoking essay in the subject of blindness. Various Biblical examples of blindness are related to modern day life in ways that get readers to meditate on how God works and how they might become closer to Him. My favourite is the part where the disciples ask why God made a man blind and assume it was to punish him or is parents. Jesus replied that God was not using the blindness as punishment but to teach us. I think all experiences come about because God is trying to teach us and we must just look and we will see why he guides us along certain paths and why certain circumstances occur.
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Review of Blessings  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a lovely image this poem conjures up. Birds are often associated with new life and peace. The image of newborn birds flying and spreading hope is a joyous one. It reminds me of the joy of seeing young birds in spring. I like how you use repetition in the lines here, giving this piece the effect of a song.
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Review of Puddle Song  
Review by HollyMerry
Rated: E | (5.0)
What lovely wellies! I love the cute design and he looks so happy splashing in that puddle. You capture the joy of a child at the simple pleasure of jumping in a puddle on a rainy day in this fun and enjoyable poem. I could easily picture the scene and how Kieran felt. It was refreshing to see how rain can become a joyful weather as many adults moan about the rain, but to a child in new wellies it is just the best thing!
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