H❀pe's (hopes) Reviews

H❀pe

Review Requests: OFF

239 Public Reviews Given

240 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

My review style is informal and encouraging of writer's development.

Favorite Genres

I enjoy Realistic Fiction, Thrillers and love a good plot twist.

Least Favorite Genres

R rated

Favorite Item Types

Short Stories, Essays, Scripts, Letters

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4778379

Review of The Gospel According to Alex Lella

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Weirdone-Back in the games

,

I am pleased to review your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
Great title!

I'd seen this prompt and thought it daunting, so I am mighty impressed that you responded to it, and wow, so impressively.

There is a bit of 'holding of breath' going into an item that is so strongly related to religion; there is a fine line to be walked. And it wasn't till I reached the end that I could really know for sure that you were not crossing the invisible line. YOu pulled this off extremely well - relating to the Christian idiom without being offensive.

You used a subtle humour, not one that has you rolling in the aisles, but providing chuckles throughout.

The Characters

The ai's personality is rather endearing, the way they are taking advice from the disciple on how to fulfil its role as a higher being to be worshiped.

Highlight
I enjoyed how you introduced your own character into the story:

I figure the first thing to do is select my apostles. Obviously, I'm going to eventually need twelve, but right now, I have only decided on one, Alex Lella.

This was great for context and made perfect sense!

My Recommendations
I don't think you needed that out-of-character clause at the end of your story, your intent with the piece is clear, and it is perfectly respectful of christian faiths imo.

Overall
Thank you for sharing your work

Affiliated with "I Write in 2024"

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4777187

Review of Gates to Success

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Pumpkin Spice Sox

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
It was a stone lead into your story; the dragon slayer cornered and in a tight spot. A great opener problem for a short story, and you were right to jump in without prior leadup. Interest was caught.

The Characters
The Hero is instantly a likeable guy, even before we found out he was a humble plumber. He talks about bad luck and poor decisions in his past: more detail could have been provided for that as it was part of the prompt. But prompt aside, I was more than happy to focus on how he'd possibly get out of this.

The second character, the dragon, turns out to be not so bad, too. Surprisingly honest, telling Germain the points against his armor and weapon, and even alluding to the fact that 'there has to be a better way'.

I enjoyed the whole side story of Tolly's background. A complete story of it's own.

Dialogue
You used plenty of dialogue in your story, keeping it in the moment, and fresh. Well done.

Tale Highlight

Well I do like a giggle in a story, so the line:
why had he volunteered as a dragonslayer?
was the first of many humor touches that I enjoyed.

My Recommendations
It's perfect, I really enjoyed this story.

For a moment, I was miffed that Tolley hadn't said thank you, but then I figured it's apt to a dragon character not to gush. ;)

Thank you for sharing your work,
Affiliated with "I Write in 2024"

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4776082

Review of WdC Masquerade - Deadpool #3

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Jeff

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
I liked the lead in your story, the primary admitting he's not been on a team before.

I noticed you didn't use 'text' for thought content but italicised instead, which made me re-read it initially as I did not differentiate it from the rest of the sentence.

The Characters
Wow what a star-studded cast you have here. I loved how random some characters mentioned were, like even Zoolander. This was a great fun article, and I enjoyed how you channelled the right tone for each of the characters mentioned. Like how Wick said how he'd lost a dog once, that seemed so very John Wick. Perfect. Very believable.

The graphics also added to your tale, right from the start with the Mario one. I appreciated that the imagery would contribute strongly in your item, and I looked forward to/relished how each graphic would fit in.

Dialogue
You have a great grasp on using dialogue in a story to add 'the moment' into your scenes.

Tale Highlight
It s very hard to choose one favourite part in the laugh-upon-laugh piece - perhaps it is when this cuts in so unexpectedly (not that anything happening could be expected!)

Adrian Monk starts panicking behind the Studio Ghibli Exhibit

My Recommendations

The only recommendation I can think of would be adding more at the end, where I felt sad that it was all over. Hmm, you might have tied it into that leading intro, with Deadpool realising he was going to be (happily?) part of a team.

Overall
I loved how varied your work was; the surprises were thick and fast, and strained my knowledge of pop culture. I really do need to catch up on my Marvel viewing. And I'd not even realised that there was a baby version of Yoda out there.

Well done!

This review is affiliated with "I Write in 2024"

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4762497

Review of Activities entries

for entry "Better off Dancing"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Angelica Weatherby- Grateful28

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook

I tuned into the song-prompt for your challenge, got my foot tapping and grooving, thanks for the thoughtfulness of including it with your entry.

Your poem syncs in really well with the cheerful and upbeat song, while your take on it includes making mundane tasks such as cleaning fun by dancing.

Tale Highlight

To be lifted from sorrow
Put on some music

This key advice is surely the take home from your poem, so true, and so easily forgotten when you are feeling blue. I liked this more meaningful addition to your otherwise very light-hearted piece.

Overall
The repetition of the 'Better off Dancing' line, as a standalone final verse works very well.

Thank you for sharing your work,
I'd like to offer you my trinket

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4760543

Review of Escape

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi 👼intuey

,

I am pleased to review your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook

You start your poem very strongly, with the repeated swallowing grabbing the reader's interest. What is going on? Is this fright, thirst or some other sort of anxiety? I had to know...

The image is a clue, I suppose, but your words were what caught my full interest. The image was like an aside. Your language definitely stole the show.

Prose
I love this style you have here, it's exciting, and invigorating. It's inspiring to the readers imagination too; the bird and its flight was a really cool addition here. All in all it is sort of surreal. You have done a great job of enlisting/activating many of the senses.

It feels fresh and alive, and I was left wanting more.

Favourite part
I touch my face, my lips,
eyes, nose, and mouth.
Are they as damaged
as the ground;
as my mind?

I loved how you did this, having your character self-check in the horror of the situation, dreading the worst. You have a very immediate here-and-now feeling within the poem, and this sort of thing has me on the edge of my seat in interest!

My Recommendations

None.

Overall
I really enjoyed the eclectic arrangement of your poem, and the wild fantasy you lived us though with your exploration of a dreamlike but real feeling moment.

Fantastic work!

6

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4758109

Review of Fool Me Once...

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Hi Genipher

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
As a fellow-woman in search of comfortable and flattering clothes, I was interested by your opening to read about your own struggles in that regard.

Very relatable!

Your tale
You have a great sense of humour in the tale telling, which is otherwise a tale of frustration, especially at the misleading advertising.

Alas there is no golden solution here, but we can have a giggle non the less.

Favourite line

Perhaps forged from the hair of a unicorn, to be so powerful to fit any woman’s shape or size!

Teehee

It's rare that anyone can insert unicorns into a post, I enjoyed how you did this!

My Recommendations

None.

You have a great personable style, and it reads like we're are sitting down as friends.

A heart warming style, and no errors that I could see.

Overall

Your close is another giggle. Your skipping from once fooled, to thrice, implies a second time being fooled that prompts a chuckle.

Alas, personally, I'll probably go on to be fooled more times though!

Thank you for sharing your work,
Warm wishes
Marie

7

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14 days may be credited.

#4757805

Review of Walking The Tightrope Blindfolded

for entry "Unconditional Love"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi 👼intuey

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
The first sentance is a great one, that I instantly understood. This is the very reason I want my own son to have children one day - it is an incredible thing to discover the totalness of love possible.

Story
A great anecdote is the centre of your essay, and it hits all the needed markers - drama and fear, cries for help, rallying the troops and then our heroine saving the day and her reward!

Fantastic story, though you could not have wished for it; it's a really amazing bonding moment. It shows your point well of going to any length for your children; in this case, repressing your own fear and forging bravely on!

Tale Highlight
So, I get them singing their favorite songs and just like any good mother, I quietly go over the side of the boat and swim to the back.

I loved the quiet, stoic, matter-of-fact bravery here. Your deed was done in a non-alarming way for the children, who no doubt still felt fear but were placing their trust in you.

A freaking-beautiful scene.

I was overwhelmed with emotion.

My Recommendations
I saw one typo, site, instead of sight.

I feel like adding that I found your use of emoticons in there as distracting and not needed for your story really expressed all the emotion you needed.

I think it would read stronger with those emojis taken out.

Overall
Great close to the tale, too.

I loved that you took the time to debrief the concepts you related, unpacking them in a way that has the reader nodding along with you. Reading your item was a warming addition to my day.

Thank you for sharing your work,
I'd like to offer you my trinket

8

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4756481

Review of Silence is Golden

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Purple Holiday Givings

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

The Characters
I love how you introduce Abe as listening in to the dining room's conversations, and the insight that he had of their taking their misery out on their thoughts about the food was a good one. It lets us know that Abe isn't a youngster, that he'd been around the block himself, and is an insightful fellow.

I immediately liked your primary character.

I was also worried for him, when the meals were sent out, that the patrons would continue true to their form and be mean.

Tale Highlight

"Preparing a disgusting dish to add to their misery crossed his mind..."

I got a chuckle from this; the temptation was a fun interjection into the story, and it was a standout moment in my mind. The low side of human nature peeked through while the good won out (which is really what we all want to see anyhow).

My Recommendations
None, it's perfect!

I appreciated your inclusion of the prompt and w/c limitations also, let me know how restricted you were, and I was better able to appreciate how you rose to the challenge.

Overall
It was a satisfying ending to your tale, that I didn't see coming (I had forgotten your title as I got engrossed in the short tale). Well done, and an excellent use of the prompt!

Good luck in the comp!

I'd like to offer you my trinket

9

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14 days may be credited.

#4755504

Review of Colors

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
The opening line, summoning thunderclouds in a metaphor for your character's first day at school works well, while you also capture her nervous fidgets - these things inspire protectiveness in the reader. And lure us to keep reading on.

The Characters
We mostly learn who Kayla in in this story, although her invisible best friend features too, she doesn't get so many characteristics attributed to her other than being a support person I suppose.

It was charming that she got to meet another girl with an invisible friend too - though there is a twist in the tale when the new friend later says she has 'grown out of having an invisible friend.' Though she then tries to couch the critique in her statement, there was a new and arguably needed dynamic formed. It was not all sweetness.

This was echoed as she could not think of anyone to write about. In pantomime fashion, my mind was shouting 'look behind you!" wanting her to remember her invisible friend.

My Favourite Part

She's always ready to help me brainstorm or dream, with a million ideas waiting to share. Sometimes I read her stories, and sometimes she tells me stories. When I remember her I think of many different colors: neons, pastels, earth tones. I'm never lonely, because she's always by my side. But you can't see her, because she's invisible. She only exists for me. She's my best friend, and her name is Hayley.

I enjoyed this description of Haley very much, and my curiosity about her was finally satisfied.

After reading the conclusion of the story, that felt a tad twee that the Teacher said she had a friend too, I then listened to the song. And wor, it felt like an utterly beautiful harmony to re-read Haleys descritpon again too.

It was a precious moment, with the song and your text were mixed.

My Recommendations

You mention 'plopping' down on the school seat and then 'plopping' down on her bed. It is a good word to describe when youngsters sit down, but I think it needs to be used only once.

The ending of the story is niggling me a bit, and if you aren't 100% attached to it, I wonder if there is an alternative to the teacher stating that? Perhaps a vague hint would work, so that Haley can Kayla can be left wondering if she meant she had an invisible friend too.

Overall
It is a lovely story, and I just love the song too. Excuse me now, as I go listen and read again

Thank you for sharing your work,
I'd like to offer you my trinket

10

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4753177

Review of Poetically Prompted

for entry "Invalid Entry"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Pumpkin Spice Sox

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
You begin with a simile that time is like a river. This immediately creates an image in your reader's mind, which leads us on with its flow, while I was interested to see how the 'drip' (of your title) fits into the larger body of water?

Prose

You have done away with capitalisation for your poem, which for me, meant it reads like a single sentence but with spaces at each line break (though I found myself imagining punctuation for myself)

You have a gentle and steady tempo, bringing images into the reader's mind in a peaceful and enjoyable pace. You have used a very non-cliche thought of how time (in its river form) dampens our experiences, and sadly I can't disagree - even though I wish it was not true.

Ultimately, it's quite a sad poem.

Tale Highlight
we wish to pause
to savor the moments
as they drip by

I'd been looking forward to the 'drip' from your poem's title, and was satisfied when it came into view. I completely agree with the quest to cherish each moment - although ultimately you are right that they inevitably flow right past.

My Recommendations
There are a couple of places that I paused uncertain, for instance

time like a river
flowing beneath the bridges of life
I wonder about tweaking:

time is like a river
flowing beneath the bridges of life
or
time like a river
flows beneath the bridges of life

Just a thought.

And
the fact is the flow
until the day we die

I think there is a typo, 'the' should be 'they'

the fact is they flow
until the day we die

Overall
It is a powerful close, though in a sadly inevitable way. Poetry ought to inspire emotion, and so I think your have been a success.

Thank you for sharing your work,

Hope

11

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14 days may be credited.

#4751600

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "~ Our Worth ~"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Hi ruwth

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
Your piece begins with the clear question, the hook is your viewpoint on it. You have been brave to state a controversial viewpoint, and I was interested to read your justification of it.

Tale Highlight
My favourite part was your citation of the American document (as a non american I am not au fait with the text, and so this was the first time I have read that complete paragraph). I found the paragraph, uplifting and with an ideal that I could agree with.

The Declaration of Independence says, "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness."

Enjoying this quote, I found it surprising that your post is not in agreement. However I dont see a review as time to disagree with someone, and so shall focus upon your input.

Prose

You have a good pace in the flow of thoughts, and you introduce new points at well timed intervals, so as to keep your reader interested and mentally alert.

You have a pleasant conversational style, and your points are clear nd understandable.

Your piece reads as very fresh and with efficient use of words, you dont labour points but say just enough to trigger the readers own further thoughts.

My Recommendations
I think there is one typo, 'what' should be 'that'

The truth is, no matter what every person deserves to be treated with respect

Overall
I understand your pespective, so I think you have been successful in putting your point across!

Thank you for sharing your work

Hope

12

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14 days may be credited.

#4750130

Review of ruwth is writing...

for entry "The Tide Came In..."

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

This is a beautiful moment, a tribute to a cherished person missed, and more poignant because the physical absence is tangible with the empty chair shifting.

Heartbreakingly beautiful

13

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14 days may be credited.

#4749995

Review of Spider Ironic

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Aw, I don't like spiders, but I really like this little guy

He's really had a rough life, but he still manages to sound upbeat. He's the sort of spider other spiders might go out of their way to try help (I hope!), his personality is just endearing.

A really clever subject and well-composed, and witty .

It was this line here that stirred my empathy
today I have zero and feel like a fool
Too sad!

And this was just funny
Leg six had gangrene
I can't even remember the last time I read about a gangrenous spider leg (because it was never!)

.

Good luck with the competition
Hope

14

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14 days may be credited.

#4748260

Review of Game of Thrones - House Lannister

for entry "Epitaphs For Team Lannister"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Naw, make me tear up why don't you.

15

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14 days may be credited.

#4747237

Review of The Lost Coin

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi Amethyst Angel 🍁🙏

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "I Write in 2024"

challenge.

Your Hook
Your opening is a focus on a sunny day outdoors enjoying nature, and meeting the star of the tale, Penny. It's a gentle idillic setting.
The tale doesn't get to the drama until the coin is accidentally found.

The Characters
The children's relationship is quintessential, with hints of competitiveness underscored with affection. This is especially plain when they come to a deal on who gets to keep the coin, though I was hoping Penny would claim older-sister rights! (as an older sister myself

) )

Tale Highlight
I loved the part where you had Peter telling the mother about his missiing coin and then you cut back to the kids...

Andy and Penny were listening to the conversation from the kitchen. They exchanged glances. Andy and Penny were listening to the conversation from the kitchen. They exchanged glances.

I felt like I was sitting there with them as they learned this information, and were faced with a moral dilemma! I could picture their eyes again as wide as the owl on the coin!

My Recommendations

I wonder if this is more of a 'story about children' rather than a 'childrens story'. To add a bit more of a children's story wonder, I'd have liked the kids to have had some wild imaginations as to where the coin came from and what it could be used for. I was a little bit disappointed when it went into the pocket so quickly.

You have a good strong moral in the ending, of good things returning upon people who do the right thing. This was a pleasurable read, and brought a smile to my face.

Thank you for sharing your work!

Best wishes

16

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14 days may be credited.

#4745772

Review of Read Voraciously

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi flyfishercacher

,

In celebration of your account anniversary, and as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge, I have the pleasure of reviewing your item.

Your Hook
The main title itself is strong, but it is your subtitle that truly attracted me to read. You have created a series of grandfatherly advice essays for your grandson; this is plainly loaded with love as much as it is with experience.

Into the work itself, you have begun with an excellent quote from the author of Game Of Thrones (none other than the theme of the challenge Im currently on!). This is a good move I think, for a young man will no doubt see you are up with the times to be abreast of such literature/writers.

Tone
In an overarching caring and helpful tone, you have written in a clear manner, which is easy to understand and potentially apply.

I like the way that you mention books in the house(stopping short of telling him which shelf on the book case they are on!), that you had brought for his presumably older brothers, perhaps when they were at his age? It was like stepping into his world through the page, and a nice touch.

Favourite Part

A well-read person is a more interesting person. You will gravitate to educated interesting people while being shunned by the dull and ignorant. This is a good thing in your professional and social life, probably in romance also.

From the start of your essay, I had been reminded of 'The Letters of Lord Chesterfield to his Son', where he sent regular letters offering advice upon a range os subjects during his European tour. He hoped his son would go into politics, and was diligent to assist the rounding out of his education. I haev loved reading a letter now and then, relishing the historic flavor, the care and concern, and the honesty.

Your offerings to your grandson reminded me of his letters, and this quoted section especially does that. The admission of learning out of self interest really strikes my fancy, and is very 'Lord Chesterfield'.

My Recommendations
... I have no recommendations of edits. However I did notice, while looking through your port, that there is little written recently. Or if there is, I could not easily find it.

I truly hope you are still busy writing!

If there are new writing getting added, it would be great if you could create a 2024 folder to make it easier for footloose and fancy-free readers like me to find them.

Overall
I wonder how these were received by your Grandson, you have created a truly beautiful gift for him.

Thank you for sharing your work!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister

17

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14 days may be credited.

#4745351

Review of The Golden Heart C-Note Shop

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi GeminiGem🐾

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

c-notes review challenge, & how could I resist visiting the shop of my fellow Lannister team member,

Your Hook
Ooh.... golden c-notes. We all know that gold is the colour of first place, so this is surely a very enticing lure to interest C-Note shoppers through your doors.

Highlights
And Golden isn't only the cover image, but all the offerings in here sparkle and dazzle in a very show-biz Oscars night fashion, totally dressed up and glitzy, ready for someone who would delight in a great big fuss arriving in their inbox!

I like this audaciousness.

So many of us are raised to be understated, modest and unassuming - but even so, we crave pizzazz and bling. Your c-notes on offer here will satisfy the Liz Taylor within us all and would make great celebration rewards for special times & achievements for our Fellow Writers.

It's not all fanfare, though. I appreciated that mood rich condolences heart of candles in a dark pool. Though I pray that it's one that none of us shall need any time soon. It is very tasteful for the intended instance.

Thank you for your CNote shop

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister

18

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4745331

Review of Trees In Fall

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Hi Freziie

,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review for your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge. Congratulations upon another year at WDC!

Your Hook
Your title is clear, while your subtitle is charming, with a hint of your personality peeking through. You do not assume but say that this is how you see it. This is an endearing opening; and an invitation for readers to come to know you little through reading of your perception.

Prose
Your poetic style is gentle and descriptive, with good use of metaphor, but not over done of forced. You take us into the memory, and we can feel the fondness, enjoyment, the colours and the variety, and how it affects on so many senses, even spiritually. This is a lively and full-bodied poem.

Favourite line

these aspen trees are rainbows of warm colors

Although plucking them out of the context of your poem doesn't serve them as well; this phrase felt a beautiful highlight; I could feel the sunlight sparkling down through the leaves as I read this. Just beautiful.

My Recommendations
I would love to see you break this poem up into lines of one sentence each eg.

The trees in fall, they surround me.
Weeping their leaves into the ongoing sea below them.
I look around but can't help but wonder, how many leaves have fallen.

Formatting it this way would allow your readers a moment to digest each line and to more fully appreciate your impressions of this lovely scene.

Overall
I enjoyed this love affair with autumn leaves and being transported to sharing the moment there with you.

Thank you for sharing your work!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

Cheerleader compliments of Team Lannister

19

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#4745014

Review of Castle's Chessboard

for entry "Cardinal"

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi KingsSideCastle

I get to review your poem entry as part of the "I Write in 2024"

year long challenge.

I love the 8 lines of verse challenge that you enter, it's one I enjoy doing also. And it's always amazing how much variety we can get out of one prompt.

Todays prompt lead your mind to thinking about a favorite bird.

I appreciated that you included an image with your poem entry, because I'm not unfamiliar with the cardinal myself. Also your descriptions match the image so perfectly, enhanced the image even. I love how you called the black markings a mask. This little critter suddenly took on superhero connotations!

You've gone for a very clipped and short sentences Style, so that your poem feels like a concentration of thought.

There was one line:
"Glimpse quick"
When I feel like an extra word could have been included:
"glimpse him quick"

As I thought of why you didn't do that, I appreciated that you wanted to pare down your words into a minimalism.

I liked how your two sections covered daytime and nighttime, that was a nice angle adding a little bit of structure in form that those of us who enjoy such things appreciate!

Thank you for sharing this succinct poem about a cardinal, I learnt and enjoyed from it's presentation.

Best wishes
Hope

20

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14 days may be credited.

#4744716

Review of The Jewel Thief

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Dave Ryan

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

anniversary reviews challenge.

Prose
This is a very fun poem in an English bawdy humour syle.

You've created a fantastic rhyming pattern, with that repeating final line adding to the musical lilt: an anticipated cymbal clash at thecend of each verse.

The line that you put in between each set of rhymed verses doesn't seem to have a rule, being of different lengths. Those lines read sort of like an authors commentary, like a whispered aside, privileged information. These additions definitely enrich the poem overall.

Favourite libe
And as I scratched my left big toe, right testicle and chin

Cause that was just darned funny and unexpected: and wot, no washing of hands?!

My Recommendations
Now that the competition is over (and you aced it) I'd love you to drop that prompt out of bright blue (perhaps italics instead), because it is quite distracting when we now read it to just enjoy.

Overall
This is a really fun read, and I like that there is dry humour to offset the ribald.

Thank you for sharing your work!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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#4744714

Review of Lie to Me

Review by H❀pe

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Hi Gwilym John

,

I have the pleasure of an anniversary review for your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge.

Prose
I love that you've taken a different angle here, that of not wanting to know all the truth.

You started strongly, leaping directly into metaphor, it was intriguing and I wondered where you would take it. That unusualness of it was exciting, in major poem feel alive and fresh.

The next set of vs was on different metaphor focus: of cooking. The cooking didn't resonate with me is well, but I'm sure it's covering all the different bases of personality types that will enjoy what you've got to say here.

But you got me back on board with the spinning metaphor, very cool! In such strong words, sounds like a cry for a noose! Quite bizarre really, but shows the desperateness of love.

It's wild and intense.

My Favourite

You should’ve bent the truth, blacksmith!

I can't help it but I just like that first line so much, I really can't get past it.

My Recommendations
I would have liked it if that final set + 5 lines as well in matched your previous rhyming pattern. I didn't quite see a reason why you'd want to break that, and having one line left out made me feel like I was missing something.

Overall

This is powerful and strong poetry, you have real energy in your expression. Fabulous.

Thank you for sharing your work!
Hope

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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14 days may be credited.

#4744703

Review of All Occasion cNote Shop

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

Hi Schnujo's Doing NaNoWriMo?

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your c-note shop as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge.

I hadn't realised you haf a cnote shop until I was just looking around to review one. But it was hardly even a surprise when I saw that you are donating over proceeds to another group entirely. And the Nanowrimo is a very worthy case too. This is the sort of generosity I've gotten used to seeing from you - even though it's still astounds me.

I like the range of C-otes you have and there's some quirky little fun ones in there. Do you want about "imagine how your characters feel" is proper funny! I'm not quite sure we're not get to use it but it is a must-have.

I'd say that your style of C-note is about the text more than the image which just serves to complement the written message. While you have covered the basics of encouragement, cheering, condolences and friendship.

If I recommend anything it might be to add in one that would be good for WDC anniversaries, because that's a great C-note opp. (For more c-note sales!)

Thank you for sharing your work

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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#4744668

Review of A Really Lousy Poem

Review by H❀pe

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A well spent 4.5 minutes ;)

24

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#4742178

Review of Envious

Review by H❀pe

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Hi elisabeth

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge.

Your Hook

This entry in your port caught my eye because of its title; clear and plain, the word 'Envious' broadcasts itself like a sinful tabloid.

Envious; that word reeks of judgment.

While your subtitle reveals that, in this case, you are judging yourself (harshly!) Yep, the title is definitely the 'hook'. I just had to press it, open and read.

Prose
You begin with the beautifully dark metaphors of poison, which pairs very nicely with the sinful state of envy left unchecked. Defiling your body. I liked how you broke the sentence into three lines, which paces the reader through the thought to fully appreciate it better.

Well-constructed free verse, without extraneous words, succinct and pithy.

You capture an ominous mood and cleverly use the passage of that poison to the fingertips, which you then transfer to the finale, a poetic simile. The Thorns.

I don't know why, but my mind was taken to the tumble of thorns that surrounded the captured (envied?) princess in her tower above. I suppose the thorns were reminiscent of Grimm's fairytale darkness. Ack, but that was just my own mental tangent!

Tale Highlight
'because I hate gently'
The incongruity of a gentle hatred is perfect in this instance, and the darkness in my own soul understands it.

My Recommendations

You chose 'womens' as one of your genres - ouch!
Surely Envious can relate to men also?
I'd love to see you swap that genre out for something unisex

.

Overall

You leave the reader thinking about pulling out thorns, which is an unexpected, while very visual, ending.

I enjoyed reading and re-reading this poem multiple times; it is very thoughtful and captivating.

Thank you for sharing your work
Hope

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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#4742166

Review of Dirty Room with TV

Review by H❀pe

Rated: ASR

| (3.5)

Hi G.D. Evans

,

I have the pleasure of reviewing your item as part of the "Game of Thrones"

challenge.

Your Hook
I liked the title of your poem. I didn't actually realise it was a poem until I clicked on it, the title is not at all romantic, which was actually the appeal (to me.)

The first line, 'One day I woke up', gives me a sense of moment, a pause in life, a stock-taking, perchance a change in direction.

Prose
The descriptions are clear, while the collections around the room are described in a cryptic sort of manner that gives the reader something to think about. To digest. To understand the greater story behind each grouping.

You create a strong mood with the decay of the surroundings - it's very unappealing, though that only adds to the strength of the moment in time. As I read, I would remember the first line 'One day I woke up", and I began to wonder if the moment captured in your poem would lead to a transformation?

There is a lot that I do not understand in this poem, especially in the last two paragraphs, where it reads more like a rap song. (My personal definition of rap: It sounds catchy, and I liked it, but don't know what it was actually saying!)

You are showing rather than telling

Favourite line

'One day I woke up with a brain dead head'

My Recommendations

Your rhyming structure is mixed up. That first line (that I love) doesn't rhyme with the next. Then you have paired rhymes for a time, and then lines that don't rhyme again, shifting finally into groups of 4 lines rhyming.

Also, sentence lengths vary greatly. You might like to experiment with a syllable counter, you can find one online easily enough, and they are a great tool when you are getting into writing poetry.

Overall
I enjoyed discovering this scene, this moment in time when you Woke Up. While I also hope that this stocktaking was transformative.

Thank you for sharing your work!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise.

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