Hey Nira! First, I'd like to say that I thought this was a pretty cool idea, and it actually was pretty unexpected when Lilia is consumed by the birds. At first, I thought she might be some sort of hero in the story. Despite the interesting plot though, I feel this story does need some touching up.
First and most importantly, many times in your story, you describe the situation with the word, "was". Don't worry, just about all authors do it now and then, check out my port and you'll see that in many instances I do the same.
Using the word "was" is not always a bad thing, and is sometimes the best word choice possible. But when overused, it can bring a passive voice to your piece, and you don't want that.
For example:
It rose above a rather large town, and was once a beacon of hope for the long dead inhabitants of the town
In this line, it may sound better written something like this, "It rose above a rather large town, once a beacon of hope for the long dead inhabitants, now nothing more than the faint white glow of forgotten dreams".
Okay, well, maybe I went a little overboard with the line, but you see what I mean. By not using the word "was", you put yourself more into the story, and often it creates a better picture for the reader.
There are also various instances in the story when you use the word "where", when you should be using the word "were". It's a common mistake, and easily fixed, so don't worry too much about it  .
It was a hard life they lived but at least they where alive.
In the far east of this town lay a laboratory. It’s chimney smoked all day and all night, but that was the only thing that ever really left the laboratory until then
In this paragraph you use the word "laboratory" twice, and too close to each other. Try shortening one to just saying "lab".
They where the eyes of a killer, and they watched the scientists with increasingly hungry eyes.
Same thing with this line; hungry used twice.
To her immense surprise they took off and came strait at her
I think in this line you meant to say "straight" instead of "strait".
Also, towards the middle of the story, there are many instances where you use the word, "dead". Try eliminating some usage of the word by changing it to something else, or taking out the phrase altogether.
The birds looked at it once and as if realizing what it was, started clawing angrily to get out. They screeched angrily as they pecked and viscously bit into the 5 inch Plexiglas case
Again, "angrily" used twice too close to one another. Try using "hatefully" or a similar word. A thesaurus is always a great tool for a writer, without it, I'd be at a loss for words while writing  .
Well, that's about it. Again, I really like the concept here, so keep working at it Nira, it has a lot of potential.
Thanks for the read, and I'll be checking out your other story now. Take care friend.
Your friend from the Abyss,
-Matt
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