This story is very imaginative, and with a little work could be a real gem.
The character's sister...Ella, has a name change shortly into the story that is a little distracting. It took me a moment to decide if this was a new character or not.
Also, I would suggest reading the story aloud, you'll catch most of your mistakes that way. Although, I didn't notice any common misspellings, or really obvious errors.
This came across my random reads thingy, and it caught my eye, because I love dogs so much.
Great poem, I could definitely tell you love Lily, and the last line was just awesome. I honestly don't know a lot about poetry, but I did think this part could use some attention...
We never over complicate
the world; we take it as it comes.
We're happy just to sit and wait
for yummy treats. (We don't have thumbs.)
The first two lines there are kinda clunky with "the world". Personally, I think it reads fine without it, and you should dump that "the world". It reads fine just:
"We never over complicate
we take it as it comes."
But like I said, I don't know anything about poetry. If it's supposed to be that way, forgive me.
Anyway, nice poem. I bet dogs really would say those things, too.
Okay, I love hummingbirds, so this caught my eye right away! I really enjoyed reading this, and I really liked this line...
Instead, Jack thought it apropos
to caw just like a little crow.
Moe and Manny cringed each beak
because of odd hum-birdie speak.
The "hum-birdie speak" cracked me up!
I wasn't crazy about the last couple of lines. They just didn't seem to fit the rest of it, but overall, I thought it was a lot of fun. Just like hummingbirds!
Pretty good song lyrics. I actually waited to review this because I wanted to see if I could play and sing it, first...and I could with no problem. (Assuming it's meant to be a 1-4-5 progression) I played it with a standard mid-tempo country melody along with the progression and it sounded pretty good.
I like the lyrics. They're simple, straightforward, and insightful. Great job.
Far out. I loved the last line. I'm not really much of a poetry guy, but I've always really liked Haiku. The Japanese can really make something beautiful, out of not much. You've definitely done that here. Awesome poem, great read to get the morning started. Thanks, man. Write on!
Great story! Lots of fun! I wanted to use the "F word" as an adjective describing how awesome and funny this story is, but it's a public review, so you know....tacos. I'm not sure what tacos have to do with anything actually. Have fun figuring that out.
This is very funny and well-written. No misspellings, glaring or obvious errors, all the punctuation is present and accounted for...
Solid piece of writing! Anyone who sees this review and wants something fun and short to check out, should definitely read this.
I really love all of the holiday stories I've been running across! This one is especially fun, with Mrs. Claus taking over for Santa. The story is very imaginative, and I loved the way you handled the issues with weather and Father Time allowing for wormhole use, etc to make the trip happen in one night. Very clever! Anyway, I really loved the story. Thanks for such a fun read! Merry Christmas!
This was a fun little holiday story, that most anyone can relate to! I loved that Bobby helped Gracie get into the Christmas spirit with such a thoughtful gift!
The story seemed pretty well-written. I didn't see or notice any obvious errors or misspellings. Overall, a fun read that I enjoyed very much.
Great story! Anyone can easily relate to this. It has very charming characters, particularly Charlie and Steve. Everyone either has a Charlie & Steve in their lives, or they ARE a Charlie or Steve.
Anyhoo...
I really loved the story. It was well-written and very polished. I would love to offer suggestions on how to improve it, but I really can't. The only thing this story needs, is to be read.
This was actually a pretty good story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I did think the ending felt a little rushed. It built up to the action, then cut to the end.
Aside from that, it has some formatting issues. It could use some line breaks and indentions, etc to make it easier on the eyes.
I didn't notice any obvious misspellings, or grammatical errors. It was well-written. The dialogue was good. I enjoyed the story, but would like to see the ending stretched out more.
Wow! Great story. This was a lot of fun. I really loved Krampus. His attitude was just perfect. Technically, I thought the story was very well-written, no obvious misspellings or errors. I would recommend reading it aloud, just because that always seems to be one of the best editing tools (for me anyway). The dialogue was really good. Thanks for such an enjoyable read.
Wow! Cute story here. Humorous and very fun, I loved the character! The story was well-written and was really a narrative by the character, which I read in a Brit accent because I thought it suited the hamster nicely. LOL. I didn't see any misspelled words, or anything like that, but I did feel like the piece could use some indentions to make it a little easier on the eyes. Aside from that, I found it to be a fun, whimsical read!
A short, fun story, with plenty of action and a fun ending. Here's a few things I noticed...
The whole piece could benefit from indentions. It's a short piece, so it isn't too tough on the eyes, but the indentions would definitely help.
There are a few places, where a comma is needed, but you can probably find those simply by reading the piece aloud. Aside for those things, it's a fun story. Thanks for a fun read.
A really fun, holiday read! I really enjoyed it. If anyone sees this review and you're looking for something cute and fun to read right quick, you can't go wring with this one.
I can't offer any suggestions to improve it, because it's so well-written. There are no glaring or obvious errors in spelling, grammar, etc. Just some cute elves and a hilarious misunderstanding! Thanks for such an enjoyable read.
Awesome story! I absolutely loved it! Your idea for the cell phone was wonderful, I could actually picture the scene very well, but I won't say anything else about it, because I don't want to ruin it for anyone else who sees this and decides to check the story out...which they totally should do.
I really enjoyed this line...
"Frozen white buckshot assaulted the hood of her raincoat, the beam of her flashlight a long sword of jittering diamonds in the dark. “Lucius!” she howled."
I didn't notice any obvious errors in spelling,grammar, punctuation, etc... I tried really hard to find something to pick on, but was unsuccessful. All in all, I think the story is well-written and quite polished. Thanks for such an enjoyable story.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 4:21pm on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
