I would eliminate the telling segment, beginning with 'You'll know soon enough' and ending with 'I cannot'.
This passage jerked me out of the moment because it came across as an info dump. I assumed the condemned already knew the reason for their sentence. If not, then why the poisoned tea?
Actually I, and a few hundred others, saw something large hovering and still in the sky one night in the late 90's. No photo was ever produced and Fort Drum claimed not to have seen anything on their radar. 911 blew up with calls, though...
Your writing is crisp and clear, your frustration palpable. It's just the apex of the piece I'm struggling with.
Bungie jumping, sky diving, zip lining usually involves someone else who's working so you can enjoy yourself, doesn't it? Maybe they don't consider their jobs productive to society,either.
Aside from the logic issue with this piece I consider you an excellent writer. I would definitely like to see more of your work.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.09 seconds at 2:26pm on Nov 07, 2024 via server WEBX1.