Its got a bit of flatness to it. Maybe a little more description of on the way home and of the persons room might help... Also, when writing if the number is below 99 always spell it out. Not sure if you knew that just thought I would mention it. All in all its really well thought out.
it tells the story very well, but someparts need rephrasing... i found that i had to re-read some parts `cause it didnt make sence. all-together its pretty good
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/insanity_boi
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 6:17pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.