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Review of Burning  Open in new Window.
Review by T. Williams Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Overall Impression
I really enjoyed your story. I liked that you didn't cast the main character in a completely sympathetic light and that she owned the fact that she wasn't an angel. The story moved at a great pace, not too slowly but not racing toward the end.

General Readability (Flow, grammar, punctuation):
The story reads really well. Even though the reader is thrown into the story pretty much at the end, you feel like you have a good grasp of what's going on. I didn't notice any glaring grammatical errors but I noticed: All of the good I had done….or that I thought I had done….was easily forgotten by them. Lies. Trickery. Deceit. All words used to explain my past actions that had once been welcomed in this flea-ridden settlement of Salem.

I feel like a colon should go at the end of them and then lies, trickery, deceit. I say that because it's related to the first sentence enough to be connected to it.


Plot or What I Feel was the Plot:
To me, the plot was about coming full circle. She went from being one of the accusers to the accused and it took that for her to gain understanding. It didn't feel contrived or cliched.

Characterization:
In such a short space of time, I think the reader got a good view of what the character was like. Obviously more of her motivations would come out in a longer piece, but a sense of it was given in this piece.

What I liked Most:
The progression of the story. The timing was excellent.

What I think can be improved upon:
- Back then, you weren't a young girl at 21. You'll want to change that to woman.
- You may want to give an explanation of what rumor was started about the main character that got her in her situation.
- The yells of the angry voices... That's almost redundant. You could say 'The sound of angry voices' or "The shouts of the angry mob" or something along those lines. Personally I think shout would be better in this context that yell. When I read yell, I think it may be a general anger but shout seems more pointed in one direction. I don't know, I'm weird like that.

Summary:
Good work! Your piece is interesting and draws the reader in right away! Keep it up!


If you have any questions or want to discuss this review, feel free to email me! T. Williams Author IconMail Icon

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