LOOOOOOL ok you got me good. Bravo, bravo! hmm I wish I knew how to post a gif of a crowd clapping. I loved loved LOVED this.
I had thought at first it was the insane ramblings of a madman who had just killed a women.
I once read an interesting story about a women who was eating a muffin but was written in a way kind of like this one where you thought she was doing something . . .uhh uncouth to a man in public. The reader did not know she was just enjoying a muffin until the last half of it. I love these kinds of stories.
If I had any criticism it would be that I wish this was just a bit longer.
Keep on writing. ~ Jake
Suggested rewrite to reduce the redundancy of this sentence. "Emily, brought home a book about skunks. This was an interesting choice of animal for her to research, and I must admit, I've never given them much thought in the past"
to the much better sounding "in the past I've never given them much thought"
I feel like the sentence "and they are to be avoided because of their ability/inclination to spray the worse-smelling substance"
needs more narrowing of a description. By this I mean "spray the worse-smelling substance" do you mean literally THE worst smelling substance? because I would think there are far worse 'substances' to be smelled and 'substance' could be anything. gasoline, the putrid black ooze from a rotting potato or the scent of a thousand gallons of curdled milk. My point being that it is perfectly fine for the character to be of the opinion that a skunks pray is the worst smelling thing but if so I think you should write in that he thinks this for a reason or change it so that he adds a disclaimer such as "one of the worst smelling substances I can think of"
I also think the brackets are unnecessary where you have them for the most part.
"With a natural defence that can be sprayed, at will, from great distances, accuracy is not an issue. Unlike most other weaponry," I think that this sentence needs a few things changed. firstly you spelled Defense wrong . . . unless there is some other spelling they use in the UK? also the sentence needs to be broken up with more then just commas. this is a problem throughout the whole story so I will just offer a rewrite here as an example and I am no expert by any means so I am sure someone might be able to offer a better one but I will try.
"With a natural defense that can be sprayed at will, from great distances. Accuracy is not an issue unlike most other weaponry; "
I do like the line "close is more than close enough! " it made me laugh because I have first hand. .err nose experience with this.
The banter between the skunks in hilarious. I kept thinking that some of it could be done as stand-up if written for the part.
All other things aside you have a great little write here and I liked it. can't argue with that.
Keep being awesome and write on.
free and humanity is a nice near rhyme but the amount of syllables in humanity takes a lot away from it.
I suggest a small rewrite to that if at all possible to do without losing much of the original meaning.
I'm not much of a traditional fixed form kind of guy but I do enjoy the occasional sonnet the pain of unrequited love is a very typical frame for the first part of one. However in the second part a sonnet is usually suppose to find a resolution the the problem proposed in the first and maybe I am missing something here and it's possible being that I am not the writer and have no way to know for certain what the writer is meaning to convey; but to me I read this poem to be about the love not returned by another and yet the last line is written as if speaking about humanity as a whole. Well at least that is how I see it.
be well and write on
~Jake
My favorite line is "One day, I’ll be wise enough that I won’t consider myself a fool.
Until then, I’ll be silent and learn."
The line "One day, I’ll be strong enough that I won’t consider myself a weakling.
Until then, I’ll just grin and laugh it off." makes me want to say that sometimes laughing things off is the hardest thing to do. there is a sort of strength is being able to hold your tongue.
The line "One day, I’ll be mature enough that I won’t consider myself a child.
Until then, I’ll find someone to look up to." reminds me of a proverb that says "The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man listens to advice" not to say a child can not be wise in so much as a child can be; but rather I think it is an adult mindset to know when you are in need of someone to guide you.
The line "One day, I’ll have enough love that I won’t be filled with hatred.
Until then, I’ll forgive and try to understand." I think is a contradiction in that if you hate then there is no room to forgive or understand. You may be insincere and say you forgive and that you understand but never really mean it. Maybe that could be argued as a matter of opinion?
I really like the last line though because it's a sort of admittance to the one preceding it. At least that is how I perceived it.
Incidentally what kind of poem is this? I'm not at all familiar with traditional fixed forms except for the few sonnets and alterations.
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