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Review by jamisonbrown Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Thanks for the clarification, Gus... makes perfect sense. Updating the rating. Take care and keep writing. - Jamison
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Review by jamisonbrown Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
I liked this. The message was modern and relevant.

I didn't understand the commas in the odd numbered lines; you may have had a reason for this. Line 11 lay should be lie, I believe. Reconsider your line breaks/enjambment and stanza groupings for better readability and flow.

You shared that this is your first poem. Great start, in my opinion.

Best wishes.
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