Looks good...really like the part about her plan to cross the street with the bunny..cute...
the break between when she falls asleep and wakes up again seems like there needs to be somewhat of a visible break to seperate the times, the way that I'm reading it.
Really dig the paragraph that starts out "Birds were flying and the squirrels were playing...". Really great usage of details.
As far as the characters, Sarah seems to be pretty well developed, but Ralph seems not as well developed or atleast not present enough. The fact that he is there then he isn't mentioned for quite a while seems like Sarah is just left on her own. Plus, a young child hearing the story could possibly forget that Ralph is in the story since the middle has very little of him. Also, that brings up the point of what is he representing- a parent figure or a playmate for Sarah?
Overall, it looks pretty good. And yes, the children's literature class is what made me think of characterization of Ralph, so hope it makes enough sense. Keep it up and have a great one!
I really enjoy the imagery you used. Really makes me think of photos and images that I've seen of NYC. Also, the reference to Alice in Wonderland is really creative, speaking to the many different worlds that New York can be, in itself or compared to other parts of the world.
Great work!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jas5q
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 3:17pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
