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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jeff729
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11 Public Reviews Given
11 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I'm new at this but promise to be thorough, not overly critical, and above all else supportive.
I'm good at...
Pacing, descriptions, and Humor. (at least I think so) I like poetry but am still learning.
Favorite Genres
fiction (short stories, novels) Comical, dark, Science fiction, fantasy, surreal, Personal stories of real life struggles.
Least Favorite Genres
Cheesy sappy romance, fan fiction, erotica, and Christian stories.
I will not review...
right wing political propaganda. Sappy romance fan fiction
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there,

I was strolling around WdC and came across your story and thought I'd give it a review.

First impression was this was powerful and raw. You tackled a difficult but important topic and handled it well. Your voice felt true and I really liked the journey it took me on.

My only suggestion is to clear up the time frame between when the abuse happened and when she told her mother and started to write about it. I know she was eleven when abused but how long after it Happened did she write this journal (a few days, months, Years). I couldn't quite figure that part out.

Other wise this was really powerful and important piece that I'm sure will help many who need it.

Thanks for sharing it,
Jeff
2
2
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, there.

I'm new here and also entered this contest. So, I took a look at your entry.

First, you tackled some heavy stuff and you did it well. The best thing (in my opinion) is that it never got preachy. You just told the story and let the reader absorb the message.

I have experience with alcoholism (not first hand) and AA, so I've been to meetings and you nailed it. I've seen and read so many people describe meetings in a inauthentic way. I did not get that vibe from your story at all.

Overall, I found your story pretty powerful and relatable.

My one nit pick is that the names Jean and Gina are so similar on first reading I thought they were the same person. I actually had to go back and reread it to understand. Maybe that's my fault, I was a bit tired when I read it but maybe you might want to consider having less similar names.

Other than that, great stuff. I look forward to reading more.

Thanks
Jeff
3
3
Review of The Caring Soul  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, I'm new to WdC and came across this story somehow (not sure, I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate this site). I'm not an experienced writer so take my comments with a grain of salt

First, you tackled a topic that everyone can relate to on some level. I myself, was hospitalized for covid - although thankfully, things had calmed down by then. Hearing about a part of the world that was more severally hit then mine (I'm from The United States) on such a personal level was very moving. You really captured it.

I'm curious if you were involved with the story first hand or did you hear about it from someone, or is it all fiction. Either way, it was powerful.

The most touching part for me, was when the grandmother gave up her bed. I think all of us wonder how we'd handle a situation like this and hope we'd do what she did. It made me ponder how some people look upon older people as a burden (especially during times like Covid) but you showed someone who was able to save lives in her own way.

Amazingly touching

Thank You,
Jeff
4
4
Review of The Tape Has Eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there

I myself am a new member here, so I thought I'd say Hi and review a fellow noobie.

I really liked the story. Do you plan to expand upon it because honestly you stopped right when things started to get real interesting. I wanted to know what was going on.

I found some of the sentences a bit clunky. Nothing major but I recommend going through another revision, just work on the flow.

The pacing could be a little better. It felt like you were spending a bit too much time going between the garage and the dump. The later part of the story really picks up and gets interesting. The concept of the videotape talking to you was fascinating. It was my favorite part of the story. I hope you plan to expand on that part and resolve at least part of the mystery.

On a whole, I liked this. I wanted to know more. I hope you keep going with it.

5
5
Review of Trust  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there, I'm new here and came across your story. I'm by no means a professional writer, still a lot to learn, but hope you find my review helpful.

First, this was a lovely story. I am not a country boy and I've never rode a horse so the whole thing is a bit alien to me. This is not my world. However, that's what pulled me. You had my interest peaked right from the beginning.

The flow of the story is great, it's clear you know what you are talking about. I feel as if you guided me through an old memory. The character's were charming and it's clear that the whole story is told through the eyes of someone who truly loves their Grandmother (and horse).

I found the whole thing charming, a snapshot into country living and a love for a granddaughter from her grandma. A grandmother's love is pretty much universally relatable.

I think I smiled through the whole read.

If I was to criticize I found a couple of sentences clunky:
"I continued to brush her fine blond hair, stroke after stroke patiently waiting, humming an old song my grandma used to hum when she was brushing my hair."
while it's a great touch. I found the flow awkward. the use of the word hair twice and having humming and hum. You might want to consider breaking it up into more sentences and even go into more detail about it. (hope that makes sense)

"I shook my head thinking what a smart horse; we’d have to have that tree to get Kimmy back up on his back after our picnic."
have to have seems awkward to me, maybe rephrase it. I was sort of stumped by the introduction to the climbing tree. Maybe a separate sentence about what it's for, a description, how it's used. It just sort of showed up out of nowhere for me visually...maybe I missed something.

these are nit picks. Overall, this was a lovely story that I found touching.
Great job and I look forward to readying more from you.

Thanks,
Jeff
6
6
Review of The ghost  Open in new Window.
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there,

I think we all have some ghosts locked in a trunk somewhere.

This is very relatable to me. The idea of locking away the past is powerful. It's most people's first instinct but doing it can be harmful. It's a great topic for a poem.

What I got from it is the idea of dealing with trauma instead of burying it is a much healthier way to deal with it. I hope that is what you are going for :)

I love how at the end you aren't scared of the trunk, it's a great contrast to the opening where you want it as far away from you as possible.

My only suggestion is - if you want -
this a great topic that you could expand upon. Maybe write more about how the trunk makes you feel.

I'm a terrible poet so take my suggestion with a grain of salt but I can sure relate to the topic.

Overall, i found the poem very powerful, with some great visual elements. I look forward to reading more from you. :)
7
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Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey Spud, I'm totally new to this so forgive me if my review comes off as amateurish.

First, I love science fiction and found the topic of your story fascinating. It's something I think a lot of people have thought about, the future of space travel and colonization. It's a big topic, which brings me my first question.

Is this just a small part of a bigger story (an excerpt). You've hit on a lot of interesting topics, all of which could be expanded upon. I reminded me of something by Arthur C Clarke.

I guess what I'm saying is my only real suggestion is I want more. I'm interested in the world you are creating and the potential story.

I look forward to reading more from you.
8
8
Review by Jeff729 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Okay, first thank you very much for reading my Piece and reviewing it. Your review was very helpful.

First I live on The East coast in New England. I have personally battled Seagulls for food. You captured it great. It felt authentic.

I don't like to swim, so not much to say there but I was enjoying what you wrote. Suggestion, maybe elaborate on it more so the reader can really experience it more.

The Gulf of American, is of course very topical. I still call it The Gulf of Mexico myself but you handled a potentially divisive (political topic) well. You kept it lite with some humor. You made some good points, that made me laugh and think.

My only suggestion is that sometimes I was lost as to who was talking. I had to reread some parts a little. This could be me. For some reason I read dialogue quickly.

Overall I enjoyed it. You created an interesting character that I wanted to learn more about. I look forward to reading more from you.
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