very well written and amusing to read, I haven't read something like this for a while now on this site. I wouldn't change a thing, rhyming is great and the rhythm, thank you for sharing this with us :)
First two lines were my favourite ones.. :) Continue writing :)
So beautifully written and what amazes me even more is that a guy can express his feelings this way. I know there are a lot of men writing poetry, I just haven't met one yet and also, there are quite more women on this site than men. Really good work, a girl you write this to is a very lucky girl :)
The ending left such an impact on me. Beautifully written and even though I'm not a huge fan of non-rhyming poems, I definitely am a fan of this one...We really see nothing but ourselves, and you managed to describe it very, very well.
Everything is great. Wonderful work :)
Hi, I ran into your work on the request review page and I wanted to give you my opinion. I only review what I like and this is one of those works. It is very well written and I especially liked the last line which you left open for others' imagination, but everyone can, at the same time, assume the end. Good comparisons, also and so, so true. Good work :)
I really loved its casual sound and rhythm and I think I loved it even before I read it, because I'm crazy about books and bookstores :D Well written, and I must say I envy you for working in a bookstore :D Keep the good work, you clearly have the talent :D
This is my own opinion, take whatever you like and leave the rest. the song changes the rhythm as you progress and it asks from you to include the brain while reading it. Well written, and even though I am not a big fan of poems which don't rhyme, this one really is something special :) good work
This is really well written, it has a flow that breaks at some points, but not too much. For me, the only things I had "problem" with were "you've so bound" - somehow it seems to me as though it would have been better if you hadn't shorten it, if you wrote "you have" instead "you've". and also, repeating down so many times really doesn't have that effect you were going for (or at least the one I think you were going for :D)... As I said, good work :D
When I first saw the rating you got, i thought "it can't be that bad". And it isn't, but somehow it feels unfinished. Also, the last line is troubling me. Did you want to say "I was feeling it......" or....? And since you went on with "i felt it", i think it would have been better if you continued with it until the end, give the poem some continuity and effect.. Every work needs editing.
Also, the lines "you have broken so much,
that nothing can touch you?"
sound, well, not so perfect. If it's a question, than your order of the words is wrong, and you also miss "been" there.. so it should sound "have you been broken so much" etc...
Work on it, improve it and therefore, improve your writing.
i really enjoyed it... i love the ending especially. it's mysterious but somehow soothing... you have a few spelling mistakes (i.e. thought instead of though) but i think only three.... keep writing because i love what i read... :))
what exactly do you mean by the one? the one to have sex with? the one as in soul mate? or is it something else? it has a lot of definitions. it's a good song, made of raw emotion and that's ok. This isn't a kind of poetry I usually love (and by that I mean writing a word or two in a line) but I quite liked this one. Keep writing :)
This is very good and I noticed just one spelling mistake - "barley" instead of barely in third verse. You described how you feel quite well, flow is good and rhyming too. All in all, something worth reading, write on :)
this poem, unlike some others, made me think. Yes, we often give up on so many things, not knowing if it's for good or bad, but we might be afraid, lost, hurt or may be feeling some other unknown feeling that no one will understand, maybe not even ourselves. Wonderfully written, and though I prefer poems that rhyme,I wouldn't change a thing about this poem :)
Though I have never had anorexia, I see my friend struggling with it, kind of. She is tall and slim but she's never satisfied with the way she looks and keeps skipping meals in order to lose weight, while another one of my friends has bulimia. Eating disorders are scary and something that must be fought. Everyone is perfect the way they are,they just have to embrace it. Everyone just has to be who they really are and not care about how other people look because looks really don't matter, but personality does.
It's a good poem and it's quite true. Though you are your own person, though you have your unique personality, you need others to complement you - just like rainbow isn't made out of one colour, neither is friendship made of one person. A lot of things change during those 4 years in high school, we get more commitments and more things that we have to do though we'd rather do something else. Hold on to your friends and don't let their colour fade. You need each other
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