I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button.
This is good. I enjoyed reading this. You conveyed the action well. I could see the action perfectly. I see no glaring errors.
I would recommend that you add the science fiction genre. I think there is something similar to stream of conscience in the genre list. I may be thinking of monologue. Add that, too. More views is why we post.
I found this when I checked the Recent Review button. I am friends with the previous Reviewer.
The influence of my favorite Psalm is obvious. I like the way you handle that. Very good. I see some if the typos Deemac mentioned. A guy who guards sheep is a shepherd. A Shepard is a last name. There are things I look up, as well.
Typos are going to happen. I find them in pieces I posted on site 20 years ago. They happen.
An enjoyable read. I sampled the Youtube video. Well done.
I saw a recent review of this when I clicked on the "Recent Reviews" button.
This is good. I agree with the previous reviewer, it does have a certain H G Wells feel to it. There is nothing wrong a bare-bones approach. Have you ever heard the 1978 album Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds? This is a rock and roll version of Wells' novel with David Essex, Justin Hayward and others. I heard it when it was new, but I can still hear Richard Burton as the Narrator. I heard his voice as I read this. (I hope you understand this is a compliment.)
I also agree with the previous reviewer. There are several typos that could be fixed. There were some grammatical errors. I like the way the king didn't exactly speak correct English, but if it was intentional, please keep the accent consistent.
Overall, this is good. Other than what I mentioned, I see nothing I would change.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button.
I laughed out loud reading thus. You say this is a contest entry. Was the prompt "You and your friend are sitting in jail. In 4 words, what does he say?" in poetic form? I enjoyed this. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. I enjoyed this. Well done.
This is a good story, even if I figured out the twist early on.
That said, there are issues with this, in my humble opinion. I feel like the language is overly florid, almost an Edward Bulwer-Lytton feel. I feel there are too many flowery comparisons. What I'm trying to say is you could cut out some of the adjectives and make it stronger.
Of course, this is just my opinion. I want to understand that I have to cut out flowery adjective phrases in my writing.
All in all, this is a good story. It conveys his sadness at the beginning. And remember, all this is just one man's opinion.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review button.
This is good advice. The power of positive thinking is verifiably true. It has been proven to be true.
Your writing is excellent. Clear and concise. I see no glaring errors. If I were to suggest any changes, it would be to add the phrase I mentioned earlier: The power of positive thinking.
This popped up when I clicked on the Rate & Review button.
Odd, strange, but good. I don't see any glaring errors, nothing I would change. It is well written. I might recommend making it a little more emotional. Let Mom cry. Some more of your emotions. Show memories while digging the grave.
I'm always thankful for my brother burying my little dog Dutchess. I understand your mom's appreciation.
This popped up when I clicked on the Rate & Review button.
I realize you wrote this 4 years ago. Wow! You have here a GREAT hook. I want to know more! What happened to him? How did he get injured? Who did the kid's Mom talk to to get the ambulance? Who are they? Work on this! Expand this. Send it to James Patterson and he'll write it into a Women's Murder Club novel.
OK. Maybe that last part is farfetched.
Seriously, I like this and if I wrote mysteries, I might appropriate the theme and run with it. I don't, but you do. You can run with this. Give it a shot.
I found this when I clicked on the Rate & Review button.
This is good. You could convince me this is a true story. This is well written. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. I enjoyed reading this.
And, if it is a true story, you did the right thing buying the painting. God deeds are there own reward.
Technically this is good. The rhyming scheme is good, the cadence is fine. I see no glaring errors. You have written this well. The only thing I might consider changing is the result of the election. Oh, well. We've screwed up twice now.
I found this by clicking on the Read & Review link.
Oh, wow! Am I glad I found this! This is excellent! I love that you show them about to meet, but not quite there yet. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. You have done well.
Very well done. Excellent! Fantastic twist at the end, never saw it coming. This is very well written. I think the only change I would suggest is the final line. It's good as is, but IMHO, it would work better thusly: "Well, I guess you were right this time!" Trent said as the two dogs excitedly rushed out of pipe, smelling the delicious broken bag of garbage strewn on the ground. The story is yours, mine is just a suggestion.
I want you to understand that I grew up in Indiana. I left Indiana in 1983, and moved to Florida in 1986.
As a resident of Florida, I'd like to take a minute to say, your weather is in my front yard. Please please please come and get it.
In the interest of truth-in-advertising, I live nowhere near Pensacola, where they got 8" of snow yesterday. I got none. But today's high temperature was 44*. Nonetheless, please please please please come and get your weather.
I found this when I clicked on the Read & Review button. Personally I prefer traditional poetry like this, and you have done it well. The cadence and the rhyming scheme are good I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change. Very good.
What a great story! I realize this is flash fiction, therefore I have two suggestions. First, leave this alone. Do no editing. But make one addition, which is my second suggestion: Right a new version of this. Use this as a tease for the longer version. I envision maybe 2,500 to as many as 7,500 words. Give us some background. How long has Ally followed the band? It this the first time she saw them in concert? How long has she played guitar? Did she pick it up because the singer plays? Add details I haven't thought about. Don't be afraid of more than one version of a story. I wrote and posted two versions of "It Started Backstage (His POV)" because I could. I need to tell that story from two different perspectives.
Give it a shot. Sometimes these stories just write themselves.
Well done. As a grandpa myself, I know the bond a grandpa and a grandson can have. (Especially when Grandson is named after me, but enough bragging, Dad!) This is very well written. The exposition comes at the right pace. One thing I might recommend, which might make the flash fiction too long, is have the boy hug his grandpa before running off. Otherwise, I see no glaring errors, nothing else I would change.
This is well written. The cadence is good, the rhyming scheme fits. I see no glaring errors, nothing I would change (except an outright ban on war, but...)
I find this reminiscent of World War I poetry, but don't ask me which ones. I'm certainly not a poetry expert
This popped up on the Rate & Review button. First off, if you have lost your mate, my deepest condolences for your loss. May God be with you.
Now, on to the writing itself. This is very good. You have done very well imparting your sorrow into verse. The rhyming scheme is perfect. The cadence is very good. This is a fine piece of writing. My one suggestion is to enter genres. You'll get many more views by putting into several genres, and views is why we write. I would suggest any 3 of the following: Personal, Death, Adult, Tribute, Tragedy, Romance/Love, Relationship. Find the ones you like, and feel free to change them as you like.
This is very good, which makes my suggestions easier. First off, this is good just the way it is. If you change nothing, you have a good story. But, for me, there are a few issues. What type of cats are Noah and Oliver? You didn't make it clear until the end of the story that Oliver is a cat. By the same token, Sneaky Sam's species is unknown until the end. Expand Oliver's distraction. For example: "He made a loud noise and darted to the left. 'Stop that!' Sneaky Sam snarled as he turned toward the tabby." (Did you see what I did there?). Maybe a couple more sentences describing the cats' antics. It doesn't need to be a great deal longer, just give the reader a sense of impending danger, from a child's perspective, of course. Finally, especially with children's writing, I like exclamation ❗ marks. It shows excitement. And, naturally, children like excitement.
Like I said, if you do nothing, this is a good story. I really like it.
This is good. I will admit I didn't completely understand it. That made me read it more closely. Is this part of a series that maybe I should've read before this? I see no glaring errors.
Recommendations I would give apply only if this is a free-standing piece. Otherwise, please disregard them. I would encourage you to expand this. Who is Kindy, her father, and Valtrip? What is the guild? Provide more background. I gave you 4 stars on the assumption that is part of a series, so either way, I will not be revising my rating.
This is God. I understand that this was a contest entry from YEARS ago. Id like to see you extend this. This is good as it is. But I think it could be better if you expanded it. Show her discomfort, her uncertainty, her reticence. Maybe add another over the top jerk before she meets Bill Tom. My thought, maybe he's impressed with his own muscles.
You can do this
But only if you want to.
Write on
Smiles
Dad
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