Hi Kiara, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Poem For My Friends."
-A poem describing the troubling times filled of pain we all go through in life. We all must remember, however, that we are not alone.
-This poem reminds me of lyrics to a song, it has a nice sequence and flow to it and it is comforting to read
-The tension of pulling someone out of dirt and darkness in the beginning is a strong image
-I believe you meant "lift" instead of "left" for "I start to left you up."
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Prosperous Snow, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Overcoming Fear."
-A Senryu poem about moving past and/or through hardship. There are many ups and downs in life, times with joy and pain that we all experience. It is in the trying times that we need to remember to forge on and also keep in mind that we are not alone.
-The first line is very simple and strong; there is a sense of dedication and courage in dauntlessly facing test after test!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi vapid, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “the deafening thud."
-A three stanza poem describing a scene in vivid and dark detail. There is a rhyme scheme throughout.
-Nice use of descriptive language that stays true to the rhyme scheme, as well, as well as repeating the blood and deafening thud language at the end of the poem.
-My favorite stanza is the first, and "storms in teacups" is a great line! There is a juxtaposition between the two and the connection between them may not be immediately made by the reader.
-I wonder if there is any escape from such a hellscape, or how one ends up there to begin with?
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi JoshTheJiant, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Longing."
-A three line poem about a being caught in between two realms (heavens/clouds and the earth) and feeling the tension being caught brings.
-Nice job painting a picture that has a lot of emotion behind it. Human/Man is above the earth but below the universe and finding our place and purpose in it can be quite the ordeal... or the journey!
-I believe it is a Buddhist theme in that life is suffering; that's what your last line with the soul aching reminded me of. I hope this character is enjoying life for what it is, that constant yin/yang of experiencing joy and pain both in life. Nice job!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi SeanFear, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Soul."
-A poem with five lines that has a word that repeats at the beginning at the end
-Albeit how short it is, I still enjoy it and it conjures up a lot of thinking to go with it. The repeating of the title in the poem adds emphasis to what the reader will focus on, almost mantra-like and a chorus in a song.
-Good points you hit on in your interpretation of what soul is. I like how vast and open 'soul' still remains in your description, 'deep as ocean' is my favorite line. I would say 'devilish' does paint in terms of good/bad quality, if that was what you were going for; no control, passion, and deep all are neutral to me, but still paint what soul is to us
-Great job!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Lou, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Painful Love"
-A poem describing a lady going through a break-up and having a friend of the opposite sex be there for her during this time. The friend, however, would like to be more than friends with her, but is willing to forego his feelings to be a friend for her.
-I really like the lines 'cosmic shipwreck / scattered on deck,' the syllables are vocabulary tie very well together. 'Psuedo-romantic ballad' is another great line, I find it to be very 'tongue-in-cheek' but still describes the moment nicely.
-You do a great job of describing 'love' in this poem; it's probably the most written about topic (ever?) but still this is refreshing and entertaining take on things. I find myself thinking about how everyone is still out there looking for love, despite the warnings of heartbreak it may cause. We all have to start somewhere :) Nice work!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Ben, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Freedom."
-Three stanza poem with Musette structure about the implications of freedom. I find there is a duality in this piece of what freedom is-- is any and all freedom a good thing? It makes me think :)
- Imagery compares freedom to nature and that, while freedom is something that may come natural, it is still 'planted by our (people/humans) deeds.
- I'm lead to the conclusion that our freedom is something that needs to be cared for and nurtured over time and that it is not a 'one time deal' or something to be taken for granted. Nice job!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi JoshtheJiant, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Overgrowth."
-A short poem in which imagery of nature, a body, and a venturing of one spot to another is described. I like the combining of human (or whatever form the character is) and nature, almost like the two are inseparable; they belong to each other. It also (very simply) creates a connection/bond between the two.
-Despite how short this piece is, I find it very fun to think about the world and characters this poem is describing. It reminds me of a movie trailer of sorts!
-I like the last line, personifying the forest and how looks can be deceiving. In turn, one could argue nature is the one in charge, in the end.
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi bandit, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Autumn Breeze."
-A poem describing a thoughtful reflection while looking over a sea. Are 'great masses of steel' ships in the water? And 'bodies' on the ocean are dead bodies?
-the use of "autumn breeze" at the beginning and the end reminds the reader that time goes on, despite the challenges and difficult times we face in life
-You've done and described a lot in the small amount of lines you've done!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Joto-Kai, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Quantum Communion."
- A poem about the change love/attraction/connection can make. Imagery involves nature (e.g. wind, rain, tender shoot).
- The lines and story develop well, there is build-up and pay-off at the end with the rose. I'm thinking now that the red rose still has potential to grow into a garden.
-There is a sense that the "darkness" had been that way for some time and that the addition of this new source of life is much-needed. It brings to mind the quote for me, "Never say never."
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Lola, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Reasons to be Happy"
-A list of reasons why someone is happy
-I notice this is written during the Covid-19 pandemic time and I can relate to the reflection of why and how it is so important for everyone to be aware of the things we still do have in our lives. It has been "getting back to basics" for everyone, in some form or fashion.
-An idea to move forward with your theme is to pick a few of your listed reasons and perhaps describe them in more detail about why they make you happy and what they represent in the grander scheme of things.
-Best of health, happiness, and safety you to :)
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Jacky, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Driving."
-A short flash/micro story about someone driving in the rain who'd rather not be. I just started driving when I turned 30 years old, so I can definitely relate to this piece. Nice description of all the small things that are a cause for stress for the character and why driving is such a nuisance, and the fact GPS exists (yay!)
-Perhaps some descriptions of other drivers/cars and how they react to the main character could add some tension to this piece.
-I like the repeating of the "missed turns" and the non-stop "recalculating route." So very true, and while it is attempting to be helpful, it only adds to the hectic nature of driving in the rain.
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Carly, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Going to the Big City."
-A short flash fiction story that follows Steph into a city which she is doing for the first time. Almost instantly, she is lost to the city and her sense and even identity are taken over. Good job with the amount of detail in the beginning, a lot is gone into detail, but I believe that's the tone that was wanted, to show how overwhelming the city is.
-Steph's hopes and dreams are certainly trampled upon as soon as she gets off the bus. I like how her actions and freedom (e.g. she can't think and can hardly move, let alone move in the direction she wants to go) are now not for her to decide. It really feels like a whole different world.
-One recommendation would be for the church to be calling to her, and then she hears Thomas' voice? Much like it finds her rather than she finding it.
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Mr. Jones, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Blue Bird."
-A simple poem with the line "Blue Bird" repeated many times. It has a sing-song quality to it, I strongly recommend it be used as one, or at least used in that capacity (as a chant, even) for children. The speaker is wishing the bird to stay with him, but it appears the bird is set to take off and go. The end is rather left in doubt, which can be a point in which it is explained that doubt is a part of life. The important thing to reflect upon is what we do when we are faced with such times.
-Besides doubt, it also has themes of unpredictability and living life (and its ups and downs).
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi lori, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Dr. Hubbard."
-A poem about a doctor who has helped someone see through an illness and allowed them to continue on living. While I have not had a doctor to thank in this sense, I certainly have two people in mind that I would pay tribute with a piece of writing. It is a fine tribute you have created.
-The piece is simple, but I realize such "thanks" is one that is truly never-ending; such as with doctors in people in the medical field; they are only human, but they (and our collective) ability to truly help and heal one another is a beautiful thing.
-I find special tributes like these help memorialize not only the individual, but our sincere thanks and gratitude that we feel when the outpour is enough to put it on paper (or in a document file, these days!). It is very serene what you have written. Thank you, Dr. Hubbard!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Feyre, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “True."
-A poem about what is true in life, and what we feel to be true may not be true for others.
- A lot of beautiful, serene, and pleasant imagery of contentment found in nature and in the love/care of others. I like the duality of the simple pleasures in life we can experience, yet we are constantly toiling in our lives with our never-ending matters. We could spend a lifetime criticizing language, form, and structure in writing when, what will we have gained compared to what life has already given us? Again, I see it as a duality and accepting and appreciating both :)
- I like the way 'maybe' is repeated and carried throughout, it creates a sense of longing for the greater truth and hints at a journey needed for this understanding
-Excellent ending as everything is tied together, as it is in your poem, and in life! We're all connected as a people, to the space above us and the earth below us. Well done!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi normajean, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Cabin Fever."
-Two characters, one older, one younger, anxiously wait for winter to let up. I notice it was written during Quarantine time, a parallel I made on my own, as well. I took the 'magic fairy tale' bit to mean that our current pandemic reality is actually tougher to imagine than such a fairy tale. Difficult for adults like the mom to handle, and potentially unable to comprehend for kids like Jenny.
-I liked the frequent use of language tied to time and waiting, the sense of longing that feels like being stuck when things should be happening/time should be moving on.
The lines "I looked out the window and saw a robin. They always come too early, it seems." are very poetic! I feel it can be taken out of context and be even more beautiful, almost as if robins go about things on their own accord, despite how out of sync they may be, whether that its intentional or unintentional.
-Overall, a great snapshot of persevering, even though that in itself is easier said than done. Nice work!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Prosperous Snow, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, “Aging Cat."
-Haiku (5/7/5 syllables) about an aging cat, what changes with age and what remains the same. I like the use of gray to describe aging, when in fact the color of Vashtie's fur is changing.
- I'm personally reminded of having pets I have had getting old, as well, and how they age just like us, but the process is much quicker (when comparing life expectancy rates for humans and cats). Your simple lines hint at the complexity of the lifetime of a pet and are successful at getting to the core of what Vashtie represents to you
- Mood is very solemn as the lifetime of a pet is examined within three lines, nice!
I hope this feedback is of some use to. Take care! -James
Hi Jim T, here are some points I’ve made as I reviewed your piece, "The town over the bridge"
-Details and lines describe a town through a number of instances and circumstances over time and how it relates to the people that inhabit it
-I see the town as being very stoic, "standing grand" not only with the town hall, but through the lifetime of the townspeople, no matter how they may leave or return. It has established the community and has fostered growth in the townspeople as a whole and in each individual.
-The use of repetition is used well as it paints the town as a constant, despite the changing circumstances
-Is the line "we let if fall" supposed to read as "we let it fall?"
-Last stanzas serves to remind readers one last time of where they've come from and that, even though time goes on, remembering such a place should hope to invigorate them to take care of those people and things that are important to them.
I hope this feedback is of some use to you. Take care!
Hi Riham, here are some points I've made on your piece, "Voices!"
-Character is stricken by the internal voices it hears in its head. They incessant and wreak distress upon him. Despite this, there is a struggle present as he attempts to break the hold they have over him.
-Good imagery relating to the voices: volcano, flaming rocks, setting fire
-I like how deep it goes into the thoughts that play out in the character's head; you simply introduce the head as the setting but then go into detail after detail about the turmoil within
-Possible suggestion, play up the different voices with having a 'good' voice to go against the 'bad' voice(s)? More specific imagery that will douse the flames/put the distressing voices at ease?
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