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Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jpaulf
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153 Public Reviews Given
153 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
         I like it. It as a nice easy flow.
The one line "I wouldn’t give kill you, now would I?" struck me as being a possible editing error.
but overall better than me.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
         A nice counterpoint to all of the god botheras here about. a clear position well presented.
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Review of Cloud's Theory  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I don’t know, the Immortals quartet by Tamora Pierce.
but I followed it easily enough. It has a hint of Earth sea about it.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
Thurgood Marshall, I looked him up.
a good poem about a good man.
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Review of She Cries  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
         {size3.5}I had heard FM described as being like the aching muscles of your worst flew, but going on forever, without end. your less detached description is a whole lot more informative and darker.
          I was prompted to respond to this piece by the section heading “Burning hot grease….” put me in mind of an idea. this has probably been tried before, check with the FM support groups.
         Sadists spill hot wax on masochists, it does no lasting damage but causes a brief intence localized pain. It might be the case that swamping her brain's pain center with an intense signal may temporarily deaden the chronic signal.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
beautifully done.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked it, and I will be reading more of your stuff
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Review of Friend or Faux?  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
          if you are still around have a look at
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#2248903 by Not Available.


          this lovely little poem is brilliant from its title to its final FUCK IT.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
I like this, but you missed the green hydrated silica.
         Prase, for the gift of words
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Review of Cool Is  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
talked in the parking lot all night. park?

         very nice*Cool*
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.0)
          I thought you were an old hand here. but you're a newbie like me.

          to add items to a comp etc. start with {} curly brackets, inside them, type bitem:[then it will offer you the last few additions to your portfolio]
          if you want to promote something of someone else you will have to type or paste the number in.

          a nice review of the song
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't know if you still look in on this if you do have a look at
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This item number is not valid.
#2250092 by Not Available.
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Review of Alas!  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
          you have been here just a bit longer than I have. you are a far better writer than I. And your command of English is better than mine, even though it is my only language.

one thought on this piece,
When the bill came, his wallet empty, alas!
When the bill came, he found his wallet empty, alas!
I would have gone with the less formal phrasing

ps where is the newbie contest challenge?
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
          I suspect that poll might be skewed in favor of interested. how many people visited the page and did not vote?
         That said if you get 20 of the definitely interested and 10 of the might be interested, along with any old members who may still be around. is probably enough to re-open the forum. And there is more than enough meat on the existing articles to keep a new group busy for now.
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Review of The 4 B’s  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
          just added you to my fraviourats list.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
          Parentheticals a nice word I’ll have to find a use for.
         This is the first of four articles on the subject of how to write a screenplay. It describes the key structural part of writing a story in script form.
          As someone who is relatively new to writing I have found the information in this article to be quite useful. I think it might be useful to other new writers.
          the advantages of this style of writing to me as a new are;
          The slug lines provide me with the structure for the story. literally where it is and where it is going.
          action. the who does what of the story. having previously split the story into a string of locations the subsequent action fills out the narrative structure. pages of description of a novel or similar story type also go here, but only the absolute minimum.
          Dialogue. there a formal structure to it but basically the same as any other form of writing except that there is no need to say how things are said.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
          intriguing, if it was not for the title I would be wondering where it is going?
          I'm not sure about the grammar, but I'm dyslexic so I'm never sure about grammar.

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Review of BRACKENAUR  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
          a bit of advice I was given when I started here was brake it up into paragraphs.

          people are more likely to read something that superficially looks the same as other things they have read.

          I would phrase it as, one long block of text is off puting.
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Review of Frustration  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
          Reading this and knowing what I do, I can not help but wonder if this decribes the aftermath of a stroke?
          if it is then you are a better writer than I after your injury than I am.
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Review of Her First Time  Open in new Window.
Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
          46 4 star + it is worth one more
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.0)
          You state the problem clearly then ask that someone else does something about it. if nothing else covid is showing where the inequities of this world are.

A shameless plug for one of mine
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This item number is not valid.
#2248903 by Not Available.
the suds machine may be useful if your community is high density and has as lots of children
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
still liking it!

is it just me. or has your writing style evolved/become more descriptive over just three stories?
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
until the end, I was expecting some sort of twist in the last few lines.
I'm not sure where the who is he come from. I might have given the nanny a name.
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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
{size3.5}
This is my first attempt at a full formal review.


         Previously I have used the review box to praise works I have enjoyed. To question what I believe to errors of fact. To pass on some morsel of advice, given to me, which may be applicable. Or to the point where reliance on auto-correction may have to an inappropriate word selection.

         Starting with spelling and grammar, which seems to be the obligatory starting point for reviews on WdC. Partway down the page my word processor has put a red squiggly line under the favour. It is missing one letter. It is hard for me to understand how this error could materially affect a readers understanding of this work. Or why it was worth drawing attention to at all.

         On the subject of grammar, I will simply say that she understands it better than I. I would, however, take this opportunity to restate my view that; Correct grammar is just an attempt, by writers and readers, to use a common internal voice, to aid communication. I believe that this agreed internal voice, speaks with the accent know as received pronunciation. I am attempting, to the best of my abilities, to write this review in that voice.

         The first point I would make about, Taking-a-2nd-Look-at-1st-Impressions is that I am not clear who the target is. This may be insufficient intelligence on my part. My 1st-Impressions is that it is a plea for mainstream society to be more tolerant of those with the types of Neurodiversity issues outlined in the text. However Neurodiversity is only mentioned once, and that in the essay's title.

         The first part of the main text consists of nine, imagine yourself...paragraphs. As I am sure you can imagine, I saw my self in several of them. And I find it easy to imagine that a reader, not seeing him or her self in the first four or five, might conclude that this is of no interest to them, and find something else to read. The tenth paragraph is not much better, stating as it does “What would you think of yourself then? Dumb, careless....”. It is hard for me to imagine that asking a reader to think of themselves in those terms, is not going to alienate the reader that has persisted to this point.

         At this point, you may be asking yourself. Why am I using up a day of writing time to produce this review? Why have I recommended this essay to others, as I am sure some of you are aware that I have? Why am I now asking you to read it? And I am asking you to read it!

         The second half of the assay is more balanced in the representation of, just a few of the conditions that get lumped together under the catch-all term of Neurodiversity. It describes the signs that might indicate someone you are dealing with might have one of these “disorders”. And it makes a plea for understanding.

         On the subject of Neurodiversity. I will at some point write a short essay on the neuro side, because how a human brain forms is interesting. On the diversity side, these are sometimes referred to as spectrum disorders, If I represent one end of the spectrum and most of the population are near the centre of the spectrum, then I would ask the members of WdC should also have sympathy for those on the opposite end of the spectrum. In the language of this essay only ever colour elephants in grey and just up to the line.

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Review by A Cassandra. Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
         this not so much a review as an outsider (non-American) response to it.

          your examples of what is wrong could have been stronger. you could have looked at Americans killed by failures of Rouservelt era bridges. or the number of Americans blown up by leaky underground gas pipes. or the number of Americans using bottled water, because they don't trust the companies or regulators to provide safe drinking water even before the national humiliation that was Michigans.

sorry

         you don't personally feel embraced by that, why should you?

         I suggest that this lack of civic pride that goes beyond your front door is half of the reason your nation does not infrastructure you can be proud of.

         all the political shenanigans in the world won't make a bit of difference if the politicians don't feel your embarrassment at the physical state of your nation's infrastructure.
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