I really like your writing. Your description is dead on as it shows how you feel when you lose someone close. I know, I've been there. I especially like what you say about not being able to help yourself...you revisit painful moments. My only suggestions would be to find different wording to not use 'myself twice in the same line (unless that is your emphasis) and again not having 2 lines end with 'edges'. Overall, lovely' writing.
I enjoyed your essay. It speaks to the differences between men and women having their roots in the Garden and after the fall. And that is correct. Eve was deceived but Adam knew what he was doing. But the real difference may lie in the fact that Adam was made from the dust outside Eden and Eve was formed from Adam in the garden.
I like how you express their use of flesh and person as weapons. You really make us seem like the original Evil....and poor man didn't have a chance! I like your word choices like morsel, essence, desire, liberating...it is poetic. Thanks for a good read.
Very nice. I like the pictures your poem paints in my mind. I like the use of color and motion. I also like the line length--the poem is rather long, but the individual lines are short...it is long enough to cover your subject well and short enough to keep me interested. Thanks, enjoyed it.
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jslem
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 6:01am on Dec 18, 2024 via server WEBX1.