I actually read all of your poetry after this one caught my attention. I really love the way you write and the imagery and wording that you use. Everything you write resonates with something inside of me. Thank You for sharing your talent, Please keep writing!
This is a great piece. By expressing how a poem is like a work of art, in the way you described...you truly ended up doing just that - creating a fine piece of art worthy of framing. It really explains the depth of poetry in connection with the soul. I love the closing couplet. Thank you for sharing this beautifully worded gem.
I really enjoyed your poem, I know you said you are not married but you painted a very clever portrait of man and wife very well. I love how you made the computer the other woman, and then how the poem changed into the husband treating his wife as he once did the computer. I really like this analogy of a relationship. It really is an entertaining story and I really loved the metaphors. Thank You for sharing, Keep Writing!
I see this is your first entry. I think it is a really great start in your portfolio, it is worded very beautifully. You captured the mystery and beauty of the moon very well, I especially love the first verse. The last line of the second verse seems a little off to me, I am not sure if the word you meant was natives? Grammatically speaking, It doesn't make much sense to me as a continuation from the line above. Please disregard my opinion, if you do not agree yourself. Thank you for sharing this poem and please keep writing, this is a great place to hone your writing skills!
I really like this. It is a very good display of reflection and life with an ending of hope, which is inspiring. I know it was written for your best friend, but I feel most people can relate to these lines. I really love the message in the last verse. Thank you for sharing, I really enjoyed the read.
I really like the majority of the lines you posted here, but maybe if you broke it up a bit...it would have more effect while one is reading along. These paragraph forms you use, seem to make the lines lose a bit of impact. I think in the second paragraph, you meant:
The walk fits the talk like it's bathed in Vaseline?
I love the line....My rhyme scheme's as vivid as a blind man's dreams. Very nice.
These lines seem like a very promising start, you should definitely add more to them. Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
This poem is very emotional and you did a good job at expressing the desperation of one soul at loss from another. The questioning of destiny is clearly expressed. Since it is in free verse form, I really cannot make any suggestions except maybe you would want to shorten those really long lines to improve the aesthetics of the piece visually. This is only my opinion, please feel free to disregard my suggestion if you not agree. Thank you for sharing this touching piece, keep writing!
This a really sad and touching little poem. Your rhyme is consistent and the sense of longing is felt throughout. I like the way you incorporated nature like:
The breeze blows your kiss on my lips
The sun burns on me like your eyes
Nice imagery there. I have a few tiny suggestions that I thought of after reading this, please disregard if you not agree. They are only my opinion:
* Maybe in line 5, you can change gets to becomes? That extra syllable will even the lines out a bit.
* In line 7, maybe you can add a one syllable descriptive word in front of fingertips to even the line out a bit as well? (warm,soft,etc...)
* In line 10, maybe instead of I get, you can say it gives me?
* In line 11, form should be from...
* In line 12, maybe you can add a one syllable descriptive word before love?
*In line 13, maybe for always and ever, would sound better like always and forever?
I only make these suggestion because I feel the piece could be more effective if the lines have basically the same syllable count, and maybe adding punctuation will help the reader read the poem properly. Please do as you wish for it is your creation and you are the master of your work. I really enjoyed the read, it is a very touching poem. Thank you for sharing and please keep writing!
I feel like this poem has potential if you decide to add on to it a bit and expand on these questions/emotions. It kind of has a Roses are Red, Violets are Blue kind of feel. I believe that quotation mark at the end is a typo? I also noticed you doubled up a lot on rhymes like: cry/sigh, lie/die, feel/reel... Don't you think that hear and see seems a little out of place then? This is only my opinion, please feel free to disregard my suggestions if you do not agree. Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
Wow! What an amazing poem. The analogy of the rose pressed between pages and laid upon a shelf compared to an old lost love is really beautiful. I especially loved this verse:
And with wetted lips,
I would kiss your hard petals,
make them melt tender,
if it would breathe truth
back into our life again.
I really enjoyed this piece. It has such a haunting blend of pain and beauty, captivating indeed!
I really like your poem. The flow is really tight, and although it is short in length - the message is really strong and makes a big impact. There is a very distinct rhythm present that gives it a very distinct form and sound. Thank You for sharing, I enjoyed the read!
I really like this villanelle poem. It has a nice flow and a comical yet serious undertone. It reminds me of the song 15 step by Radiohead. I think everyone can relate to falling down over and over, like you expressed here in several different scenarios. The lines carry a double meaning in life that causes one to reflect. As long as we keep getting back up every time. Thank you for sharing, I enjoyed the read.
Well this is a tiny little poem. I assume the connection of the title and the poem itself is the rain keeps you inside so you do not have to go outside and be bothered. I do like the sound of being force fed balloons. I do wish the poem was longer, why not add on to these 3 lines, and explain more about the positive nature of rain? I would be interested in reading more of your thoughts. I know it is your first poem, but it seems like it can be an opening line to an even bigger, informative piece. I would like to here more, keep writing!
HI again! So in this one you have 4 lines with a perfect rhyme scheme in the first stanza. You should match the other stanzas with this form since you started the poem out that way. The message is very touching and very sweet. By adjusting the rhyme to match the first stanza, I feel it can look a lot better. Please disregard if you do not agree. Thank you for sharing, and keep writing!
Well this poem is sweet and the topic is nice, but I do have several suggestions. Please disregard if you do not agree. I think you should stick with yet instead of but, it seems to have a more poetic feel and but can seem harsh at the beginning of a line. I do not think you need the word has in the second line. The line is more powerful as: Yet so many meanings. In the 3rd line, such a simple word, makes more sense grammatically. And finally in the last two lines, you seem to be talking in such a literal sense. You can change the line to something like: Never have four letters meant so much. Can you you see a difference? You might want to add a description word in front of love in the line above that one to even out the lines a bit. With a little tweaking, this poem can improve greatly. If you want you can play with it a bit, and I will come back and rate it again afterwards.
I really enjoyed your poem. You take the reader on a very vast journey through ones life and you reflected on it with a flawless rhyme. Well Done. However in the last stanza before the ending couplet, in line 3 - When seems a little off. Maybe While would make more sense? I don't know, it's up to you, Maybe you can see if a different word makes more sense there. In the following line ageing should be aging. Finally, maybe you can remove the ellipse from the last line. A period seems like it would make a better ending. Please disregard if you not agree. Thank you for sharing this piece, you did a wonderful job at expressing ones fear of growing old and leaving all his extravagant memories behind to deal with his new situations.
I enjoyed the descriptive quality of your poem despite its short length. I find dream imagery to be a great subject to write about. The last line is very powerful. One thing I did realize is that only the last two lines were an actual rhyme. Maybe you can change the other lines above it to rhyme as well? I only suggest this because since you made the last two lines an exact rhyme, it kinda makes the reader notice that the others ones do not, although they sound similar. Please disregard if you do not agree. Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
I really enjoyed your poem. The flow is good and the rhymes are flawless. A thunderstorm being used to mask someones tears and emotions is a beautiful expression of sorrow. I feel that emotions and the weather are very much related and you expressed this wonderfully in your poem. Maybe you might want to separate it with spaces between the rhyming couplets? I think it would be a nicer presentation and will look less smooshed. Please disregard, if you do not agree. Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
I really love your poem. It is kind of loose in structure but the message is very clear and strong. I enjoy a poem with very spiritual undertones that involve the vast magic of the universe. The lines spoken are so beautiful and it is a lovely composition of inspiration lines. Thank you for sharing, keep writing!
Wow I really, really love this. Dreams are one of my favorite things to write about and you certainly captured the dream state in all its teasing mystery. I have read somewhere that soul mates do often meet in their dreams before meeting in real life. I totally felt the desperation of not wanting to wake up and be separated. Some of my dreams end at the worst times, and they can be very baffling. Dreams are very powerful and effect us all deeply and you did a good job portraying that here. Thank You for sharing, Keep Writing!
This is a very good poem. There doesn't seem to be any rhyme scheme present but the flow is good and it is broken down nicely. I like the lines: You hide your heart and never hurt. No, you hide your heart and always hurt., because it shows what the person is trying to portray versus what is actually going on inside. I do have a tiny suggestion, please disregard if you do not agree. In lines 15 and 16 maybe you can reword it a bit because it seems the lines say the same thing. Like maybe, "Full of things you never say, Folded neatly and tucked away." This is only my opinion, but I think It might work a little better in that verse. Overall, i love the poem and I can relate to it a lot, as I was reading it I found myself thinking of people in my own life that this applies to. The urgency to reveal one's self is expressed quite clearly. Good Job! Thank You for sharing and keep writing!
Well the description of the poem really drew me in so I was really anticipating the said twists that nobody would expect. However I did feel a little confused after reading it. I am not so clear on the context or the environment being explained in the poem. This piece has a lot of potential, I noticed you rhyme every other last line in some stanzas but in others you don't. Maybe if you changed the non rhyming words to exact rhymes and painted a clearer picture of the environment and/or situation, this poem would pack a little more punch. With a few tweaks this poem would flow really nice. Please consider that this is only my opinion and you should only acknowledge whatever you agree with. Thank you sharing, and keep writing!
This is a great first attempt at a triolet. The piece rings true to triolet form and you did a lovely job reflecting on the change of seasons. My only suggestion is that you change the word slips to slip. That appears to make more sense in the line. Thanks for the read, Keep Writing!
I love this message and I totally agree. I am totally against finding a solution to life's problems in pill form. In one short paragraph you managed to express a huge problem in today's society and I commend you for speaking up! This is a message that demands to be heard! Thank you for sharing!
I really enjoyed this poem because I share the exact same views expressed here. I actually wrote a poem The Scholars of Autumn a while back with the same exact message. I am delighted when I find that people share my views. The leaves can be a wonderful reflection point in life, and you did a great job of making that point.
Have a Great Day!
- Julie
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