\"Writing.Com
*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kameo
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
49 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Time Stealer.  Open in new Window.
Review by Lynne H. Stacy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Aww... You can't end it there! I want to see what happens... dispointing authors...*Smile*

It's a great story. The idea is good... it might even make a novel, if you described the trips to the horrible world; though I have given up on horror, as I don't enjoy writing it... I would understand if you didn't want to write about such a world.

I liked the way you could make these things horrible without giving details. A very nice talent.

It has a great plot. We know what's happening... but it's also like half a plot. We've identified the bad guy, seen what's wrong, the parents are going in to fix it... and what happens?

I am disappointed that you ended it there. Otherwise it was very good. The only problems were more sentance structure than anything else. Here are some of them:

The alley was a dead end, but a Dumpster stood at its end.--- You use the word 'end' twice in the sentance. It would be better if you used a different word, or combind the sentances. Such as, 'The ally was a dead end, marked with an old dumpster.' or something like that... you get the idea.

In fact the more disgusting he became, the popular he became.--- I think it would read better like this: "In fact, the more disgusting he became, the more popular he became."

And that little boy had sulkily agreed.-- The way this sentance is framed, it is something I would expect our bad guy to say, or think. If it's a description of the boy form the narrator prospective, it would be better as "And the little boy had sulkily agreed."

That's it. Good writing, great idea, and please continue it? Good triumps over evil... doesn't it?
2
2
Review by Lynne H. Stacy Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
*Delight*

I really liked this story. I may have a weird sense of humor (my family knows this) but I thought that this was hysterically funny.

It sure made me smile, and kept my attention... and the ending between the father and child was nice. *Smile*

I think I saw an error somewhere, but I can't remember where it was... and I didn't want to interupt my reading to cut and paste it into here... sorry about that.

Please take my undivided attention to your story as a complement though.

I would suggest that you put this under a couple more genres-- perhaps comedy, and childrens... very good!
2 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kameo