What a lovely piece of writing that calls on us to think positive thoughts. As long as we wake each morning to greet the day there is a possibility to make a change to enrich this world. I really enjoyed reading this because I find myself wanting to live in the past too much. I am seventy and the chapters in my book of life have flown by so fast. None of us is promised tomorrow. Thanks for the read.
I was very touched by this piece since I often tend to live in the past the older I become. Those special memories are so vivid and seem close enough to dive into and relive. If only we could, how wonderful. I don't believe in an "life" after death-do not see how it is possible without a brain etc. That is what keeps the present and past special for me. You have written a lovely piece that reaches out to touch many. Keep writing and happy holidays.
Peace,
Kat
You really wrote this so well I could feel your emotions. Thank goodness these are the days of lumpectomies and radiation and reconstruction for mastectomies. I worked on the unit where we took care of women after those procedures and it has become easier all the time. We even have a gift store for mastectomy patients in the hospital for whatever you need. But even so, I had a scare at age 40 and thought I was totally prepared since I was a nurse. The biopsy came back negative and now I am 70. I dodged the bullet my Mom and grandma and aunt were torn up by in the 1940's and 1960's. Modern medicine is wonderful but cancer is still a terrifying word. So glad you are doing well and hope it continues.
Peace,
Kat
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions.
My overall impression: An engaging piece about your experiences in childhood concerning love of music.
What I liked most:Your enthusiasm of singing and the story of your family singing together. You were a lucky child to not have your mind absorbed by TV(or electronics) constantly like most Western families.
Suggestions for change: You have some typos here and there, some punctuation errors that would be an easy repair. It would appear more polished.
This writing made me feel:Happy for your life with family enjoying time together. It is an easy piece to read and imagine. Continue to enjoy singing. I love music very much but was always told I haven't the voice for it. You know if someone doesn't encourage you, you tend to get discouraged. My love was science and writing so I became an RN and write occasionally for fun. Keep writing.
Always make the time to write. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen.
Keep writing!
Kat
In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?
—Rainer Maria Rilke
This is a lovely poem. You have a wonderful ability to bring your reader into the story and I can almost see the people and taste the food. Sounds like you have a beautiful simple life with all that you need to fill your spirit. We all should be so fortunate. Keep writing.
You share a true story that reflects an unselfish attitude very few people appear to have these days. I believe that are more caring people in this world and their stories are seldom told. Thanks for the craft of "showing" what an empathetic ill person can teach all of us. Keep writing.
Kat
I love what you have written here, the bravery of it is amazing. I am a women nearing 70 and this is all new to me but I want to understand. Is there some reason that you didn't finish the final sentence? I think people are all so very different that someday we won't have to identify ourselves except as human beings worthy of love. Society has put us in our places because it was the thing to do and the white "heterosexual" male ruled society. Just check out the Bible, it gave him domain over everyone else. I questioned this when I was a teenager and I think it is great that you younger people are confronting the norms like you are. I like my generation because we questioned the Vietnam War and marched for the ERA and a woman's right to choice. Seems like we are going backwards somedays. You need to step up your game or your rights will vanish in the wind. Let me know how I can help. Good luck and much happiness.
Kat
This is s beautiful poem so filled with a lifetime of love for someone so special that it will live forever. Timeless love is hard to find and I believe it belongs to those who share true empathy and friendship with others. It flows well and has rhythm. What a lovely tribute to your precious love and so well written.
Hugs,
Kat
Excellent poem about the reality that people are living today. There has always been war and innocent victims, it appears to be the nature of man. This poem could fit into any time of history, so it is timeless but so sad. Your poem is full of emotions and also uses our senses to visualize what we have become. I love the flow, the words that paint pictures in my mind, and the last four lines are wonderful. It is unfortunate that we can't be better people. We must keep trying. Keep writing!
This is a beautiful poem. It is amazing the transitions you make over the years about how you feel about God and the hereafter. I have been all over the place with being deeply involved and then following science and figuring when I leave this world I will be surprised. There are reasons for this.
This is just lovely-
when I visited a cemetery
and witnessed a butterfly emerge
from its larva case.
In my profession I held the hands of many who have passed from this world and they have all been at peace, even in a traumatic death, the ending of the pain. You have faith and that is wonderful. I am a questioner about everything. Keep writing.
Kat
I loved this short piece that says so much. I remember so many dreams as a kid about what I wanted to accomplish. I believe life gets in the way, all the obstacles you never imagined as obstacles; family, your chosen profession and all that comes with that. Hopefully you can keep discovering new dreams and work on them. Maybe I didn't read this correctly, I think we all get resentful when you work so hard and feel it is all for nothing. I don't know-I really don't regret my choices. Each day is a new one, right? I think you meant to write "our" instead of "are" in your 1st sentence. Thanks for the read.
A very emotional read with descriptive language that allows the reader to snap a photograph in their mind of your feelings. I hungered for some more information but that is the inquirer in me, I always want to know more. Sometimes I suppose a piece is more dramatic with less and the reader can focus on the shock of a diagnosis. I have been in this very position with my Dad. He was 65, seems young to me now but his was stage 4 when discovered. I reacted with a ton of questions for the surgeon. My Dad was quiet and solemn like he had already accepted it. Every person reacts differently, there is no right way. You did a wonderful job of writing about the effect this had on your life. It tells the reader a lot about you, the physician and of course, your Mom. So sorry you had to lose her to cancer. It is an awful disease for all. Excellent writing skills.
Kat
This is such a sweet story with a very important point. But you have to grow older to understand that point and it depends on your culture. It can become a BIG deal with family. I remember I was 19 when I gave birth to my 1st child. Now I had called both my Grandmas "Grandma" and that is what my Mom expected-she was already a Grandma. But I had married a man with a family that thrived on names. Everyone had a nickname and it was a big deal. My mother-in-law wanted my new son to call her Mommy because that is what my husband called her mother. I was upset!! I was Mom, Mommy, etc. I wouldn't budge. "Nobody but me got that privilege!" I was a kid myself and kinda selfish.
My kids ended up calling her Grandma and when I became a Grandma, I was asked and I said it really didn't matter to me. Nana was fine but all 6 grandkids call me Grandma Kat which I love. Some things are very silly to dwell on. It about the love as you point out. I never thought about the way a grandma looked.
Grandmas used to wear dresses had gray hair, now most wear jeans and dye their hair. They look younger. Does it matter as long as they love the kids and spend time? It is the memories they will leave behind. I am working on that one! Have a wonderful day!
BTW, I love Sug; Both adorable, unique and unusual. Great sweet story with good descriptions!
Congratulations! This is a deep poem that calls to the senses about the history of our earth. I love trees-we have huge oaks and elms in our yard and you wonder what secrets they hold, the stories they could tell. It breaks my heart when these sacred vessels are pushed over by man's machinery to build parking lots. Majestic words and images, thanks for the read.
I loved this and needed a good laugh today. I declare you the winner right now. You have a unique talent for telling a story without dressing it up with fancy words. It also sounds like everyday people speaking to each other. What a delightful story from a terrific writer, made me feel happy inside. Thanks and Happy New Year!
This was written when President Trump was in the White House and it is a sad commentary on how things were run then. I try to see both sides although I am a democrat because I believe in government helping people-that is what it was created for. What would any of our parents have done without the New Deal from the FDR administration? The Social Security system that Hoover had a huge part in making effective? The EPA that Nixon helped get through to keep us safe from chemicals? Look at the Johnson administration that helped pull so many poor people up and gave them the vote and equal rights to become educated and get ahead they always deserved? Government is there to serve the people. We pay for it through our taxes. We each deserve to vote, if we are adult citizens, to decide who will represent us. I am not going to pick on party here because I have liked reps of both parties but we just had an administration that made a lot of bad decisions for our country. I hope that history doesn't repeat itself by putting that person into office again. This was very well written and true. Thanks for putting it up.
Any comments are only my personal ideas and meant as suggestions.
My overall impression: This is a beautiful introduction to a wonderful piece of art. You have painted the scene in my mind along with bringing my senses alive.
What I liked most: He slowly and carefully moves a tiny piece of cloth along the saxophone in his hands, marred with the scars of time, but moving with ease and care, careful not to damage this only thing that has kept him whole.
The detail is wonderful in this piece and there are several examples of this "actions without explanations". The writer can decide what the meaning is. The last part isn't really needed:his everlasting serenity upon the face of a difficult world.
Suggestions for change: You have to polish this piece, correcting punctuation and some grammar. Your detail is marvelous and you use "showing not telling" with desired effect. I think after a couple more edits, this will shine.
This writing made me feel: The pull of these two people towards each other's universe.
Always make the time to write. Your characters will speak to you, if you take the time to listen.
Keep writing!
Kat
In the deepest hour of the night, confess to yourself that you would die if you were forbidden to write. And look deep into your heart where it spreads its roots, the answer, and ask yourself, must I write?
—Rainer Maria Rilke
Full of Christmas joy and naughty fun. I loved this and you deserved the win. Excellent writing skills and great characters with good dialogue and quite a story. Thanks for the read, it made my day. Happy Holidays!
This piece of writing has great potential. I like the character of the girl, wasn't sure of her age. I liked the descriptions and your dialogue. I think what is missing is the background story of what happened to this girl. You wrote: I just kind of woke up one day in the hospital, with no memories, and had to start my life from scratch. The universe must have gifted me the power to see the past of others but took my past in exchange... not much of a gift if you ask me.
I wanted to know more about how she managed from that point, to get a job, know people etc.
The story kept my interest but I was a bit lost about what had happened to her. In the book "The Lovely Bones", a murdered girl is a ghost and she wanders about but no one can see her. This was kind of like that. I think it needs more. Keep writing and happy Holidays.
Peace,
Kat
I love this. You have captured what so many families lose after the parents die. Why don't we try harder to carry traditions on? I guess it is because families lived closer, actually spoke more often and helped each other out. I see many ethnic families that live together and envy them sometimes. I think it makes for more well rounded children to be close to their grandparents. Thanks for writing this. We all need to get back to the circle of family. Knowing others truly care can heal many pains that a pill bottle can't. I watch "The Waltons"(a Virginia family growing up before and after WW2) sometimes and want to be them. Have a good holiday.
Peace,
Kat
It is a difficult thing to be so emotionally open so I want to compliment you for that. Your writing is like opening a door into your life and feeling what you have been through. I am sure you have heard seeing a therapist would be a good step so you can learn ways in which you can gain control over this part of your life. I am surrounded by alcoholics in my family (as many others are and don't talk about it). I am in recovery myself and I can tell you that going to an Al-anon meeting can be the beginning of a great change in your life. You can do it on-line. I don't know your age but I have learned this, emotionally damaged people aren't going to change until they realize they hit their own brick wall. You can only control your own life and behavior. Do something good for you, like counseling and keep writing. I welcome you to WDC, there are a lot of us here that are willing to help. Some of our best writing comes from pain when you have been baptized by fire.
I suppose you needed a break from your "normal" life. Really, this was a fantastic read that kept me intrigued. It was suspenseful yet fun and very creative. I would like to borrow that magical credit card for a while ( if you cover the expenses). I wrote a story about a woman with multiple personalities that did something similar and it was so much fun to write. Congrats on the win! Have a magnificent holiday!
What a beautiful poem about the holidays and a treat for the five senses. I can smell the turkey and the seasonings, feel the snow fall and hear the crinkle of the leaves. The memories of those we hold dear can be shared with laughter, love and tears. Excellent use of free verse that flows. A lovely poem overall and I enjoyed reading it. Have a great holiday!
Excellent poetry, unfortunately too much truth to give me peace. Where has peace gone? This poem says it all with a good flow of words and an honest progression of what is happening in not just the USA but round the world. Hope for better days to come.
Peace,
Kat
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kat47
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 12:46pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.