I enjoyed this piece, the first paragraph it draws you in with it's imagery and I found it quite emotional as a whole.
The first and last paragraph are definitely the strongest, they make the piece. The first paragraph clearly sets the scenario and draws the symbolism between death and sunset which is carried on and tied up in the final paragraph. The continuation was good. The loss of the young woman's mother and the sun setting at the same time was quite a powerful image, that feeling of emtiness and the loss of heat and colour.
There are only two sections that I would recommend relooking, the second paragraph and the second last paragraph. The second paragraph I found a bit disorientating, trying to figure out where ever one is; again with the transition of the daughter from outside of the room back into it.
On the whole I liked it stylistically, a little bit of polishing would go a long way to make it so much better than it already is.
I really hope this helps!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/keely88
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 3:49pm on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
