Hello Moonstone   , I am so glad that you are a committed contributor to Writing.com’s wonderful community! Thank you for your informal request for a review. I was pleased to read "Redland's Revenge"  from your portfolio and it is my pleasure to give your writing a review.
February 9, 2023
 FIRST IMPRESSION
One is not often given the opportunity to visit the grim reality of the educational world of an all boys school. But when one can make the journey, at least in a vivid tale with extraordinary characters, one should get into it.
Remember the institution called middle school? The place where teacher's rule and administrators execute justice. Where the students had, what one might called, a secondary kingdom all their own? I remember that there were times of great power struggles, and then, of course, the pain of capitulation and submission. And I remember too, the over arching equalizer for both kingdoms: "what grades did we, as students, actually earn?"
If a teacher can't teach and a student can't learn, the school is just a "care giving institution" so that parents can have freedom to do what they do!
Ahhh, so the story goes, and Welcome to Redland Academy's seventh grade science class, where boys will be boys; and where science hardly ever has a place in the day to day transformation of those boys, into men.
 HEART INSPIRED
For Robin, the task of learning seventh grade science has taken a bad turn. Through some outrageous events, Robin's mother sets in motion a revolution. And as mother's go with their somewhat demanding ways, she could easily raise her palms up and outward and claim, "no responsibility here boys!" But wasn't she the one that got the tutor, which led to study groups, which led to Noah's science notebook being destroyed, and...well, it goes on with great and glorious energy.
The story becomes an inspirational tale of how one event can lead to others, and others, and ultimately helps build a man out of a boy with enough fortitude to shake up the establishment.
 SPECIAL ELEMENTS
The dialogue is strong and true. The action of the story, recounted from a first person narrative, suits the world of the story's pre-teen boys. The interaction between the teacher and the boys is spot on, and the depiction of how hungry the boys become to learn science and get good grades in their tests was elevating and hopeful.
 MY FAVORITE MOMENT
These were a few of my favorite sentences:
“I began, 'Well, Mr. Parriott was talking about something--"
'What was he talking about?' My mother interrupted.
'Girls.' I cringed at the word. Since starting a boys' school, I have rarely hung out or even been around girls other than my mother.
'Girls? Why?' Her voice was curious, but also worried.
'I dunno. He does that sometimes,' I looked out of the window. 'Are the boys playing soccer?'"
I had dozens of these kinds of conversations with my mother when I was about Robin's age. I don't remember any of them, but this mother-son moment is the essence of what I remember. Subjects I remember? Girls, girls, girls, girls, etc. As I recall, my mom was opposed.
I love Robin's forthright words with his mother. I can't recall ever being quite that honest. And in every way it is endearing and shows his trust in her. He gives his mother the opportunity to know what he knows, despite the possibility she will take the side of his teacher.
 SUGGESTIONS
There was just one line that seemed a bit awkward to me, and believe me it might just be me. This was the line:
"He wasn't that much older than me, with long black hair and was wearing a Redland T-shirt.
I think it would read a bit smoother if it was two sentences. He wasn't that much older than me, with long black hair. He was wearing a Redland T-shirt. This would also add emphasis that Matthew is or once was a Redland Academy student.
Checking the sentence in my grammar checker, if you decide to keep the sentence as is, it should have a comma between the words "hair" and "and."
 IN SUMMARY
"Redland's Revenge" is a wonderful story of how relationships, and the right motivations can give our young people the education that will serve them well as they grow up. What every society needs is that edgy blend of a distaste for tyranny that keeps the soul in bondage and complete respect for those who have our best interests in their hearts. Well done!
I hope my thoughts and impressions have been a help. Let me know if you have any questions about my review.
Kind Regards,
 ~Kenword~ 
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(101@100513)_(101x2@030614)_(100x6@031820)_____
(YCM_@122313)(02.09.23)
(Recognition 300 11.29.22) |
| (4.5)
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "
HAPPY HAPPY GLORIOUS THURSDAY!!
This review too is being offered as part of the first WDC Superpower Reviewers Portfolio Raid Review of 2023!