Hey! This is a review by KingKitsune. I enjoyed this flash fiction (which was submitted for a contest). While I understand it is flash fiction, I think the decision to focus on the gang rather than the individual could be changed. I want to know about why he's doing what he's doing - not about for who. If he has special powers, tell us about them! If he has special powers, then why is he begging to be in this gang? Wouldn't the gang need him more than he needs the gang? Focus more on your character and I think it'll become a better piece for the reader!
I enjoyed this piece about love. I think you have some really nice imagery in your poem. It feels like a life long love - not lust nor first love, but one that has been through good times and tough times. A love that is strong and deep. Well done! Happy Writing!
I enjoyed this short passage, it has a very fairy-tale feel to it which is something special. If you wanted to draw more from the legend, I would suggest showing a little more of the Princess' habits rather than just stating them. I know this is just for a short story competition so of course, word count was tight I imagine. You can play with the character of the Princess a little more - her annoyed at wearing tight and restricted clothing, or sneaking off to learn something she shouldn't. You could really flesh out this into a longer story if you wish!
Soft and touching, I enjoyed the poem for what it is. The poet allows for the sweet and tender moments of love to be revealed, one by one. It seems to dictate quite a young love, as if it is the first love that the voice has experienced. Romantic and delicate the poem shares imagery that anyone who has experienced a first love can relate to. On a critical note, the word countenance seems out of place, as it pulls the reader from the moment. Possibly change it for something more simple and fitting with the rest of the language.
Happy Writing!
Printed from https://shop.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/kingkitsune
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 7:29pm on Nov 05, 2024 via server WEBX1.