We recently recovered from Covid as well. It was a very terrifying time but thankfully none of us were hospitalized. The varying symptoms are so interesting. Everything tasted fine to me, but I could not smell a thing for over a month after recovering! I am glad you are doing better, I hope you continue to improve!
I really enjoyed this. I think a lot of people will be able to relate to this poem as well, especially right now with so many people being stuck at home and only having online interactions with others. Going over it, I didn't see any errors and think it is well written. Great job!
This is definitely a very sad and somber poem. I think it works pretty well, especially the first half. The second half doesn't seem to flow quite as nicely.
I also noticed in this line "Some eyes shows doubt" that it "shows" should maybe be switched to "show". "Some eyes show doubt" makes more sense.
Overall I think it is pretty good and definitely makes you think!
It is well written and I don't see any errors in your story. I really wasn't sure what to expect when I read the title of this story. I was a bit apprehensive about what I was going to read once I started. But it was pretty funny and I especially enjoyed the ending. I think you did a great job, well done!
This really brought me back to the Christmases of my childhood. So many family gatherings and all the smells of delicious baked goods baking in the oven! Reading this gave me such a nice feeling of those past times, especially this year when my area will likely be in lockdown for Christmas.
Thank you for sharing, it was nice to read!
I really like your poem. I think it is well written and that the language used helps the reader to really connect with your words. It definitely brings on a comforting feeling as I read through it. Everything looks good with it and I don't see any errors. Great job!
I like this and think the imagery works really well; It paints a clear picture in my mind. I don't normally read haiku and have never been great at writing it myself, so I had to refresh myself on how they are formatted. I think you did a great job with this and I enjoyed reading it!
I enjoyed this, although I wish there had been a bit more to the story! For as much haunting shows I watch, for some reason I didn't expect the twist at the end of this! I think everything looks pretty good, the only thing I had a bit of confusion about is the timing. In the first part it says it is night time and then in the next part it is mid day, but I wasn't sure if they had spent a night there or not?
I think this could be a great start to a bigger story! Great job!
It's an interesting little story, but it is a bit hard to follow. I did see a couple errors as well:
"However Mark and Forest came up with a different plan. They along with Kevin were in the backyard. Angela Lee went and sat down in the backyard." I think it needs a comma after "They".
"Kristian answered "Kevin was lying on the counter complaining that he was hungry. Then Mark suggested that he pretend he was a big fat pig and I was cutting open his belly with that big sharp knife right there and then he threw a pie in my face. Mark and Forest start laughing again." You are missing end quotation marks after "pie in my face". Adding this will let the reader know that this is the end of Kristian talking and that she is not saying that Mark and Forest laughing again.
The adult characters seem very frustrated and it just doesn't come across as very funny. There is a lot of dialogue in it, and I think it would help to add more body to it to flesh out the characters a bit more and set the scene a bit better.
I think you have a good start to a funny scenario, just needs a bit of work to really see the humor of the situation they are finding themselves in.
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I like your poem and the meaning behind it, I think it is great. However, I think that you need to pick a rhyming scheme and stick with it instead of jumping around so much.
Ex.
"Up on the world so high,
You wish you could fly.
High up on a mountain,
You will at least try."
"A sparrow flew by,
You wish you could fly.
The urge to let go,
Of the world below."
In the first one you have "High, fly and try" rhyming but in the second one you have "by and fly, and go and below" you use two types of rhyming schemes and it throws off your poem. You do still have a good poem though, it just needs to be cleaned up a little.
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I think that this is very interesting. It's definitely different from most of the formats I have seen for poetry. You do need to capitalize 'i' though in a few places. "ive" this should be 'I've'.
Anyway, I think you have a good poem it just needs a little work.
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Your poem has potential, but you use a lot of slang in your poem. It really makes it hard to read when you use slang because it is just unappealing. The format also makes it awkward to read. I think it is cool that you are saving yourself. Temptation is hard to overcome.
Just clean your poem up a little bit and it will be awesome!
I like this poem. The flow is a little messed up, but the raw emotion more than makes up for it in my opinion anyway. In every school there is always a kid like that, and your words are very true. It is sad that anybody has to go through that kind of thing. But as long as there is someone out there to be a friend to that outcast, maybe life will be a little easier.
I really like your poem but the flow is really inconsitent. I think that maybe you should go back and re-read it. Maybe you will be able to understand how the flow is off. Sometimes you can't tell until you go back, I've had that problem lots of times. It does have great potential though!
I like your poem, it's very magical. I think the world needs more writing like this. I think you wrote it beautifully. When I read it I got a sense of happiness but also longing. I wish I could go to a world like that. I don't think I saw any mistakes though the flow was off a little bit in a couple spaces but it wasn't bad.
Well, I would first like to welcome you to writing.com. It is a very fun place to express your feelings and meet new people and get your writing read. I think you will definitely have fun here and there is always someone to lend a helping hand if you need help with something.
I like your poem, It is a tad repetitive though, and it makes it a little hard to read. I think it's a fun and laid back poem.
I really like this, the flow is great in most parts. I also like your repition of some words.
I was curious as to why you have 'story's' bolded in the first line of the last stanza. "two story's tall"
The very first stanza I noticed is much more choppy than the rest of the poem, maybe you could see if there is anything you can change to make it flow better.
This really needs a lot of work. There are many spelling and grammar errors. You should also think of changing the format, maybe having stanzas instead of them being all jumbled together. I think it has potential, it just really needs to be cleaned up.
This is a really great poem and I think it shows a lot of potential. The flow is great and it shows great emotion through the phrasing of its words. You should be very proud of this piece! I don't think I saw any errors in it either so great job on that too!
I love your poem! It has great flow and is beautifully written! You should be very proud of this poem! I didn't find any mistakes at all in your poem, good job! I think you have a great artistic ability!
Keep up the excellent writing and have a wonderful day!
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