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Review of 1945  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a bittersweet poem of a time somewhat forgotten. About the pain of losing loved ones in Europe while war raged on and the Nazis were destroying the good to replace with the bad.

The story is about lovers who have said goodbye at the train station, nevermore to see each other again and the long wait for the one left behind and alone.

Very good word pictures and a good subject matter. I was not sure of the form though. Is this a specific form? If so it would be good to add the name of the form and its rules at the bottom so that we can learn a thing or two. I did have trouble with the rhyme scheme as it would rhyme a few lines and then drop the rhyme for prose.

I would say that if this is not a specific form, that it would be better to do one or the other because the brain has a hard time switching back and forth. It takes away from the words and meaning of the poem. I had to reread several lines to make sure I was not misreading them.

The overall poem is very good and with just a little tweaking (to rhyme or not to rhyme) will make it a great poem and easier to lose ourselves in. Keep on writing.
Kitty
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Review of The Timepiece  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This seems to be the beginning of a very interesting story. You have built the tension in the piece and made us eager to get to Chapter 2. I feels like a story I would read so I hope you won't mind if I make some observations. These are things that would stick out and bother me if this were a published work.

First, there needs to be a little more description of the men in the room, as well as, Marlene. I know you described what they wore, but the reader needs a little more about their appearance so that we can visualize the people as they speak. This is the were we get acquainted with your characters and helps us to begin to feel we care about what is happening to them. I could not visualize Mr. Topper at all. Your dialog was fine and I saw not problems other than the ones I point out below.

Mr. Topper glugged down the rest of his tea and wiped his mouth with the back of his parka. This part gave me pause. Unless he had his parka off he would not be able to wipe his mouth with the back of it. I would suggest against f his parka sleeve.

All he had left now were his huskies and his sled. This statement seems wrong since he has Marlene his daughter.

She snatched up the pitcher and slung around, her long hair slapping her back as she marched from the room. The word "slung" is used incorrectly here. The definition of slung is "An act of throwing: cast, fling, heave, hurl, launch, pitch, shy, throw, toss. To send through the air with a motion of the hand or arm: cast, dart, dash, fling, heave, hurl, hurtle, launch, pitch, shoot,..." so unless she threw the pitcher from her then this word should be about the act of turning quickly like "spun around"

I am confused by the character Harley. At first he is introduced as a small boy but then you say " Harley had never been a romantic gentleman. His gait was awkward, and he hunched while others would stand tall. "

In truth, Harley had been one of the skeptics, until he had found out the truth. Until he had learned that the greatest secret in possibly the history of mankind had been under his very nose. I believe there should be a comma after secret and one after mankind.

Keep writing and polishing. I have heard it said that writing is just an endless string of re-writes so if you plan to publish you will want to work out most of the kinks first. I get tons of help here on this site and when I can I use most of the suggestions I receive.

Please let me know when you have another chapter. Kitty

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed this piece very much. A friend in childhood can be an anchor for the rest of our lives. Your progression was handled well and you have a conversational writing style. I only have one suggestion and this is only my opinion:

her dad would take us out to the arcade and for ice cream, or to watch a movie. Might read better as: her dad would take us out to the arcade, for ice cream and maybe watch a movie.
Excellent job.
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Review of SAYING GOODBYE  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This piece is gripping and very sad. I usually like a light at the end of the tunnel but some stories are tragedies and that has to be. I did notice a few typos which follow:
He rocked slowly and thought back on all the dreams hea had hung Should be 'dreams he had'

He would finally have enough money to pay of the farm Should be 'pay off the farm'

which were more rock that dirt, Should be 'rock than dirt'

He got up from the old rocking chait Should be 'rocking chair'

The only furniture left was his old ratty armchair that he had bought at a flea market when they first moved in. He remembered clearly, when he and his wife had first moved in, In these sentences you repeat 'first moved in' and should be reworded.

You did a great job with this and you have a good command of vocabulary. Kitty
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Review of Treehouse  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This is a bittersweet poem about love and loss. Very well done I might say. I enjoyed the subject of this poem. I saw no typos and it was well thought out. I only have a suggestion that may or may not appeal to you.

In the third stanza, second line: The boards are rotting, roof is caving in
I very much liked that tempo. So I looked at your other stanzas and saw that maybe that tempo would also work there as well. As in the first stanza second line:
Among the gnarled and twisted limbs of oak could be changed to Among the gnarled twisted limbs of oak I am not sure of the punctuation here but the tempo would be similar. Then second stanza first line you have We learned the ways of life among the boards you could change it to We learned life's ways among the boards to be more in keeping with the tempo of the general piece.

These are just my opinions and not a critique.

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Review of Wet play  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good. I like the first line. Very easy to visualize. This was the hardest of all the prompts I feel. The prompt picture was a little more obscure to grasp. Finding the 'just right' words to match the prompt was a task that you completed very well. Good Job.

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Review of Paper World.  
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, you have asked me to take a look at your items. I am happy to do that. Please know that I am only a writer just like you and I review so that others will return the favor and that way we all can learn.

Also, these are only my opinions which in the long run mean nothing. If something I comment on gives you an idea to make a change then fine. And if not then that is fine as well.

This piece is classified as a short story and it is very short. Speaking as a reader, there was not very much to base a feeling on. This might be better classified as prose. I only say this because in a short story the reader should be given some time to get acquainted with the main character. We were not given his name, how long he suffered, why he might have thought of the world as a 'paper world' other than he is detached quickly. It is obvious that you can write. For me the piece could be made better and I am sure you have the skill to do it.

In your forth line I believe this should say "put on an empty smile". In your intro you ask if God is the only true relation in the world. However, I did not find in the piece anything that addressed the question.

It might help for you to put yourself in the readers shoes. You know what you wrote and why, but what basis does the reader have to come to the same conclusion. I have done the very same thing. We assume that the reader will know exactly what we are trying to say when in fact we have not given enough information for out reader to have a feeling or come to a conclusion. We have nothing personally invested in the characters. It is our job to define them in a way that draws our reader in, makes them connect with them so that if this or that happens they naturally have an emotional reaction. Because we know the character.

Thank you for letting me review your item. Kitty

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Review of Summer Fun  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Your poem has a different twist but it is still very good. I like to read Haiku but have never had to write one. I found it the hardest part of the challenge. I can appreciate the insight it requires to write a good Haiku. I hope you do well in the competition.

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very good. I liked the way your phrasing flows from one line to the next. That is something I was not able to achieve and yours seems so effortless. The message is an uplifting one and a truism as well. You always say your muse needs to help you but actually you are doing fine without her. Great job.

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Review of Adieu  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good poem in the tri-fall form. This one was hard for me but a great challenge. I like the way you continued the sentences to the next line. Your meter was good to. The only anomaly I found is in the last stanza, fourth line does not have 6 syllables and so breaks the meter somewhat. But a very good job all the same.

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Review of Rest & Relaxation  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I can appreciate this piece. I had never written one of these before and I know how hard it is. I think this a natural piece. You obey the rules without letting us think there are any. Instead of the form be are only aware of the story. That is what the goal is and it is darn hard to do. Very good.

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Review of Flow with life  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice poem. I like the admonishment to not dwell on the past problems but look ahead. This was a good example of the form for the prompt. The only problem for me was something that might not even bother someone else. The close but not quite sounds of the first and second lines made me stop to check to see if I was reading it correctly. That may be just my stupid tongue. Otherwise, great poem. Kitty

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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a happy repast. I enjoyed reading it very much. I am very new to this form and it took some time for me to figure out the sequence and count. I don't know all the rules so I am not sure if your syllable count is a little off or not. The form they posted was that it would be 8 or 10 syllables each line. When I looked up some other poetry sites to see their take on the rondel It was said that once you decide on the number of syllables in a line then each line needed to be that many syllables. I am unclear if that is also the rule in this prompt so I could be wrong it could be that you can have 8 to 10 in each line. It might be something for you to check before the judging. Other than that I liked this very much.

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In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You poem is extremely nice. I liked the way you flowed from one thought to another. Every word was a natural and un-contrived. Since this type of poem was new to me I did not try to do the second form. I can only say that I like it very much and it makes me wish I were as talented.

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Review of Flowers  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very interesting. This form of poem was new to me and it is cool to see how others define it. You focused on the flowers in the picture. As a avid gardener I can relate to that view. We can get so much pleasure from growing things. My garden and flowers are a constant source of calm and well being. I applaud your entry.
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Review of Amour  
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Very nice, I had not tried this form before so I am probably not a great judge but I like this. Mine was also on the love slant so I guess we saw the picture in a similar way. Your poem is refined and smooth. I learn from reading others efforts and I have learned from yours.
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Review of Last Stand  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I wish my first effort had been this good. I think you have a lot to say and you have a very good command of the written word. It is a compelling poem, one that requires several reads before the meaning is clear. Most good poetry is that way. A meaning hidden behind the blunt words.

Now if this is your first poem, I am not sure if this is your first time to offer your work for critique, please be aware that we are all on this site so that we can improve. Everyone who reads your items will have a different view. Some things will be technical and easy to fix and many things will be a person opinion. So it will be your choice as to what things you use to make improvements and what not.

Writing is more than just putting it down and being done with it. It is also reevaluating it, rewording it, rethinking it, respelling it and regurgitating it to. So please do not take offense at any opinion you get on this site including mine.

First I want to say that I am not an expert on poems. That is not my field. So if I critique a poem it will be purely on the flow and how it feels to me. Which in a way can be valuable as well since you want your writing to appeal to a wide variety of people, even people like me.

The first part establishes a cadence. Then the second part begins to stray from that. By the third part you seem to change the rules you began at the beginning of rhyme and cadence. So my only critique is that the flow get interrupted by the break in the cadence and rhyme you set at the beginning. At least for me, when flow gets jerked then I have trouble focusing on the meaning of the words and trying to figure out if I have misread the sentence.

If this was your intent then that is fine. If it was not your intent then a good way to fix it would be to decide if you want this to read more like prose as in the third part or to rhyme like the first and then revamp the rest to help the flow.

Other than my opinion of this I thought that this was a very good job and far better than my first poem. Kitty

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Review of The Talent Pond  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, hope I am not posting on the wrong thing. I was not around much last week because of spraining my ankle on one leg and breaking my toe on the other. I have been able to accomplish a rewrite of Lynn McKay Chapter 1 "Lynn McKay Ch 1 "  Plus I separated Chapter 1 and 2 and rewrote Chapter 2 as well "Invalid Item"  Since I just separated 1 and 2, Chapter 2 has no reviews and ratings of it's own. Please feel free to comment. Thanks Kitty
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Review of My Love...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
You have very good pictorial words. Very visual prose. I did get a little lost in the middle of the poem though. I can tell that you have very intense emotion in this piece and it is brimming with far reaching ideas. It might take several reads to finally get the meaning but then all the great poets were the same. Good job! Kitty

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Excellent poem. Although it leaves us to decide if you are happy or sad about being blinded by love. So I suppose it could be both, whatever it is for us and therefore your words make complete sense and apply to any who have loved and lost or loved and won. It makes us think, which is what good writing is supposed to do. Otherwise why say anything. Great piece!

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In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Wow, talk about schizophrenia. Actually, I am able to relate to this. I am an entertainer in Branson and I have had the pleasure of meeting several ventriloquists in some of the shows here. They are very talented. However, they must immerse themselves into their character(s) to such a point that it becomes completely real to all. This prose shows the dilemma that could possible occur if one were to so completely master a second personality that the lines become blurred. Well Done!
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Review of Me, Myself, and I  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very interesting concept. Well thought out and put together. There is an underlying conflict here and a stubbornness to change intimated within. The writer seems to know who they are in all their aspects, but seems to have encountered pressure to change in some way that the writer believes is out of character for them.

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Review of Haunting Shadow  
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is excellent in its use of words. Because I am an optimist it is hard to read something that has no light at the end of the tunnel. However, this is one of the better ones I have read. This must have indeed been a black period in your life. I am no stranger to that as well so I can feel every word as truth. Good job!! Kitty

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In affiliation with The Looking Glass Library  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Very unusual piece. It speaks of the choices we all must make between being ourselves and what someone we wish to please wants us to be. The battle is ongoing and difficult and is sometimes lost. Once lost then it is easier to lose again and again. That is where the danger lay. The more we lose this battle the less we are to fight to win. Those who win may have regrets but they are living for themselves. Those who lose never really know who they are.

I enjoyed the piece very much.
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