I know for a fact that speaking at parties or public in general can be intimidating. Especially if you're buzzed.
If you intend to speak, do it with a clear mind and with the conscious that you truly believe what you say.
My favorite passage is:
The awkwardness felt like thick syrup. Time ground to a halt. My mind raced to find something to say. It drew twenty-one blanks, and the best it came up with was “Um.”
And after the blaze has mellowed, I dig out a six foot long, 4-6 inch deep trench, then cover it dirt and local foliage. Keeps you warm until past morning.
Favorite passage: "It’s late, yet no one is tired. The flame makes us want to stay, the flame makes us present, the flame lights the flame inside us, that we often forget is there."
She has nothing special, she’s aan average person . That girl is never late, but she never arrives early.
She’s good in some subject I think although she never shows any arrogance about it.
Every time I see her, I just said hi and I walk away. We have nothing to saytothe each other anyway.
In class, she’s always sitting in the back with her best friend, what’s her name again?
She havehas simple brown hair, every time the sun shines through, her color turn like gold. It’s pretty but not extraordinary.
When reading your work out loud, it's easier to find the optimal flow.
Sometimes I write down words that rhyme. Even just syllables.
Take the word be
Be,Free,See,Three,Me,Tree,Thee,Spree,FleeGee,He,Bounty,Lovey,Dicey,Pricey,Nicely
the perfect me
Syllables can be stretched and emphasized—bent to your will.
I lost someone very dear to me three years ago.[space]It took me alonga long time to get back to my old self after losing my boyfriend of fifteen years.[space]I dealt with it in my own way .[spaceThen i started to go to counseling to help me deal with my grief.[space]With the help of family and friends i came through it just fine and now i am back to my old self again.
Avoid too many ands. A sentence is a complete thought. Use a period in instead.
I tend to agree, but warming and cooling eras come and go. It's cyclical. Millions of years ago, there was so much CO2, everything was bigger. At least the plants and animals were.
Renewables come with their own unintended consequences. HUGE tracts of land, and how to properly dispose of their toxic components like lithium and cadmium.
Yes, they are great alternatives, and we're getting there, but we're not ready. Yet. Nor is the American electric grid.
China and India are not even close to doing their share. As usual, it's us carrying the load. Biden is not helping. Has he ever?
The Earth has been through ice ages, tectonic shifts and changing sea levels from the beginning.
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage: I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece but it's this place, I don't feel at peace.
Spelling/Grammar: Your spelling is impeccable, just a couple nits on grammar. You don't care, do you?
You say that you're there, but you really aren't[period]
I try to tell you about my life, how it's busy falling apart.
You change the subject back to you, telling me all about what you're going through.
It's like i[capital I]'m just there, someone you can always run to.{/color}
Summary: Good job. Just try to avoid run-on sentences and alwayscapitalize a stand alone letter I.
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage:
Spelling/Grammar:
Summary:
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage:
Feb 22, 2023
My review!
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage: This is a well told tale with a sobering ending. Or was it?
"I ran forward to grab some of the treasure, but my hand grasped nothing but thin air."
Spelling/Grammar: One nit: discovered artefact, (artifact)
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage:
Feb 22, 2023
My review!
I love stories that make me mad, turn me sad, get me glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
What I liked/Favorite passage: She handed him a cup of milky green liquid. "Drink," she commanded. He did, then vomited on the floor.
Her face went white.
“You have Swine Blisters in your brain.”
Spelling/Grammar No literary miscues here. Great job!
Summary:Something tells me Oan was going regardless.
I look for stories that get me mad, turn me sad, glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
{What I liked/Favorite passage:
"now get back to eating, we have a photo shoot tomorrow and I can't have my piggy looking starved." Spelling/Grammar:
Your spelling acumen passes muster. It's your seeming refusal to punctuate where needed. An example:it was a bright and sunny day for our pink haired protagonist[,](period) the sun was shining, Akumu was in Betty's hair relaxing, and Betty was in need of something to do[,](period) slowly she walked over to a pink and purple bakery with a piece of paper plastered on the window reading "taste tester wanted!" and subtext saying "volunteers optional"
Summary:
I suggest reading what you've written aloud. Good luck!
I look for stories that get me mad, turn me sad, glad, enlightened,
informed, intrigued or even puzzled. Who doesn't love an addicting page-turner?
{What I liked/Favorite passage:"It's one of mom's most unhealthy snacks, last time Asriel ate it, it took him a year to work down to a movable weight," Frisk anxiously said.
Spelling/Grammar:Though your spelling is excellent, I find your grammar needs work. Too many run-on sentences using commas where a period should be. Example:[Betty was walking with Frisk(,) standing behind him as they walked to his place, Betty was
Summary:Unfortunately, this cute story is riddled with easily amended miscues. Otherwise, nice job.
I look for stories that make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened,
informed or intrigued. Who doesn't love a good page-turner
What I liked/Favorite passage:
"Gone were the voices that told stories at night before a campfire instead of sitting glued to a television. Gone were the aged hands that would draw me onto their laps."
Love the stories filled with memories of old.
Spelling/Grammar:
I'm a bit but nit-picky when it comes to proper grammar and correct spelling, but now I know better. BRAVO!
If you can make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened or informed, then you've done your job as a writer. Just try not to confuse me with incorrect spelling, poor grammar or run-on sentences. (If you've written an amazing story with compelling, life-like characters, it's worth the time of a meticulous final edit.
What I liked/Favorite passage:"Let us begin.” Fluorine said, as she looked everywhere, yet nowhere. Her boundless features were both visible and invisible, if such a form were possible."
Spelling/Grammar:fortunately, this piece didn't use any Olympic level words or black belt grammar. Excellent!
Summary:The last scene seemed a bit anti-climactic.
If you can make me either mad, sad, glad, enlightened or informed, then you've done your job as a writer. Just don't confuse the reader, (me,) with incorrect spelling or poor grammar.
What I liked/Favorite passage:
'
Until you were like the remnants of an oil spill
Poisoning the life beneath
Until everything is dead'
Spelling/Grammar:
Bravo! Nicely done!
Summary:
You certainly hit all the emotions, making me think.
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