Lilli 🧿 ☕ hooked me with her newsfeed challenge, so here are my thoughts and opinions for whatever they are worth.
After reading other entries, I wasn't expecting a news type article, but I really like it! This definitely works well and makes your entry stand out. All four ghostly tales have intriguing plots and spooky facts that fascinate me and keep with the theme. I would suggest maybe an additional "headline" above each one or something to separate them, but still keep the flow going. (If that makes sense.) I found the following punctuation errors:
Paragraph 1
Line 2- no comma needed after "halls"
Line 4- comma needed after "however"
Line 5- no comma needed after "now"
Line 6- no comma needed after "records"
Paragraph 2
Line 1- comma needed after "dormitory"
Line 7- no comma needed after "in"
Paragraph 3
Line 1- no comma needed after "years"
Line 2- no comma needed after "unexplainable"
Paragraph 4
Line 6- no comma needed after "cemetery"
Honestly, I probably only noticed them because I've been helping my daughter with her writing lately. Overall, you've done a really great job making your entry stand out from the others. Good luck in the contest!
The title and description pulled me in because I've dealt with insomnia my entire life and I find it interesting to see if others experience it and how or if they can relate. Your descriptions certainly evoke the same feelings of frustration and loneliness that I've had in the middle of the night. I admit that not using proper capitalization is a bit distracting for me, but since this poem is written in the free verse, I'm guessing that you're just using creative license. I didn't see any spelling errors, so I don't really have any suggestions. I hope you've enjoyed your first year here on the site and look forward to seeing more of your work!
I came across your piece while searching for homeschool related material and wanted to stop to tell you how much I enjoy this item. I can identify with everything listed and it's nice to know I'm not alone in my fears. Life is always much easier when we know we're not alone.
I came across this article while searching for homeschool related items. As a homeschooling mom of two crazy teenagers, I wanted to thank you for this piece. It seems there will always be a battle when it comes to education, but people like you can draw attention to the sunny side of an unconventional education.
I'm reviewing your entry for "Second Time Around ~ Birthday Special" as part of "Invalid Item"
I greatly enjoyed your free verse poem. Your imagery helped me to identify with some of the same thoughts I've had run through my mind in the middle of the night. Although the whole thing reads well, I think my favorite part is the last three lines. You've summed up the whole piece nicely in that last part. You did a great job and I wish you luck in the contest!
My First Thoughts: I knew from the title and description that this story wasn't going to end well, I had a similar experience with a piglet once, but I sure was hoping for a happy ending anyway.
My Favorite Part: I love that you and Bubba had a chance to bond before his early demise. One doesn't often hear of human and turkey friendship, and I'm sorry it had to end that way.
My Final Thoughts and/or Suggestions: It is odd that in the modern turkey industry, turkeys are bred by artificial insemination. It seems to me that if more people knew about the unnatural reproduction circumstances, they would be less likely to buy and consume the poor captive poultry.
I found your poem in the "Items to Review" section. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: The "lesson" I took away from this poem was that life can be too short and you should go after what you want now instead of waiting.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter: I like the alternating end rhymes. Each stanza flows well into the next.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You've used a lot of descriptive words to set the backdrop for the poem. I appreciate the usage of onomatopoeias towards the end.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes.
Suggestions: I don't have any suggestions for you.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us, I look forward to seeing more! Write on!
What a great poll! I was born and raised in the United States, but I am fascinated by the histories and cultures of other countries. In fact, I include it in my homeschool lessons. I'd love to travel beyond Mexico and Canada, but I finances won't allow it. I rarely watch "American" television, instead, I prefer British, Indian, Australian, and New Zealand. I have a great many friends in other countries and I hope to spread the international love!
What an excellent poll. I think it's good to know that old-fashioned manners exist here on WDC. I'm wondering what results you got for the three that chose the
"None of the above (Other - Write as a review!)" option. I can't believe some members don't say anything, I think I've only had that a couple of times. Anyway, good job!
Hello Jackie Snax! I see you have an anniversary coming up- Happy anniversary! I hope you are enjoying WDC as much as I have over the years. I wanted to share my thoughts about this poem with you, so I hope you don't mind. I have some personal experience with mental illnesses and I admit, you hit the mark- I've had some of these same thoughts myself. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors, but I wonder if this is more prose than poetry? (I haven't figured out the difference yet lol) But I love the way you've broken up the stanzas, it all reads smoothly from one section to the next. My favorite line- craziness is survived by the rich and owned by the poor will echo in my memory for awhile. Thank you for sharing this piece with us, I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hello there! I see you are coming up on an account anniversary! I hope you enjoy WDC as much as I do. I wanted to share my thoughts about this short story with you. I noticed a few capitalization issues sprinkled here and there, but those are easily fixed. Wow. You have an amazing way of describing something we've all thought about at one time or another. It's almost a comfort, the way you described her life memories washing over her like the water. My favorite line- Loneliness concealed in a dense fog will remain in memory for a long time. Thank you for sharing this piece with us, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
Hello again! I thought I would delve further into your portfolio to see what else you've been up to here on WDC. I want to point out to you the importance of selecting the right sub type for each new creation. I really wouldn't label this as a column, it appears to read more like a monologue. Classification helps readers search for more specific items. I really suggest checking out all the great tools WDC offers all members. About this piece- I don't see any spelling errors or major problems. I can definitely feel your frustration while reading. Keep up the good work!
Hello there! I came across your poem in the "Noticing Newbies" section. I enjoyed it and hope you don't mind me sharing me opinion. Please remember, I'm not a professional, I'm just a poetry lover.
I really think this poem has a lot of potential. You've got a couple of grammar issues, but those are easily corrected. Have you considered putting this in a more traditional poetry form? I think with your rhyme scheme, some structure would shape it up nicely. You've got great descriptions and I admire the way you've used literal imagery. Thank you for sharing this with us and keep up the great work!
Hello again! I came across your poem in the "Noticing Newbies" section. I enjoyed it and hope you don't mind me sharing me opinion. Please remember, I'm not a professional, I'm just a poetry lover.
I picked this poem because of the description. I don't think I've come across a co-op poem recently. I have to say I'm quite impressed with how it turned out, especially considering your ages at the time. What wonderful similes and metaphors! I may even borrow this co-op idea for my own students! The two of you worked well together to create a smooth flowing poem. I didn't notice any spelling or grammar errors either. Keep up the good work!
Hello there! I came across this poem while looking through the account anniversaries. I hope you have enjoyed the past couple of years here on WDC. I picked this poem because of the description under the title. It just drew me in for more. I have to say upfront that I'm not a professional, I just enjoy sharing my opinions. I think the alternate end rhymes read well. You've painted a lovely picture while bringing out a sense of hope. This would be an excellent daily mantra for many to read. (Especially for me, I'm not a morning person!) I didn't see any errors. I like how you capitalized the beginning of each line. It's kind of symbolic, stressing the importance of each line of the stanzas. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem, I can't wait to dive further into your portfolio!
I found your poem on by searching through account anniversaries. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
I really like this simple poem for several reasons. First, it's reassuring to know others have experienced the same thing. It evoked feelings of sadness, hope, and a type of regret that I myself have surely had before. I like the shortness. It's straight to the point, with no pretty flowers for decoration. The only errors I noticed are both in the first line of the second stanza, when you should be your and don't should be doesn't. You seem to have your writing style, which works well. Thank you for sharing this piece with us, I do hope you write more wonderful poems soon. Write on!
I found your poem by looking through the account anniversaries. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A sweet tribute to an unexpected friend. I feel both proud for his work as your protector and sad that he has since gone.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter: I like the unmetered form and occasional rhymes. It all reads smoothly from one stanza to the next.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I think you've described him quite well. I can picture him clearly waiting for your arrival.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors noticed.
Suggestions: None.
Favorite: The last line is my favorite. It seems to sum up his personality and your feelings towards him.
Thank you for sharing this piece with us, I look forward to seeing more! Write on!
I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to respond, life has been keeping me busy! Once again, you've done a wonderful job. You definitely have a gift for painting pictures with words and getting the reader to feel an emotional pull.
I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy this activity. It's very interesting to read all of the submissions and see how others interpret a simple image.
Thank you for requesting a review. I hope this feedback is found useful. Please remember, these are just my personal opinions- I am in no way a professional.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I'm not going to lie. I actually got a bit teary eyed when I got to the fourth stanza. You evoked overwhelming feelings of true love and sorrow. Oddly enough, I didn't feel any fear from the narrator until the seventh stanza. I guess that's what True Love will do to a person. Honestly, seeing the Dark genre, I was expecting something different instead of this heartbreaking scene you've created. It is dark, but for me personally, the emotional side of it is much bigger.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter: I think by using the unrhymed free verse form you've emphasized the significance of the content. Just like the capitalization of the first word in each line seems to show the importance of those individual lines.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: I love that the poem ends with the setting sun. Very fitting. You have successfully used organic imagery to convey the internal emotion.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: Everything looks good to me.
Suggestions: Absolutely none.
Favorite Line:As the end of our story falls from the planes
I'm looking forward to the next piece! Unfortunately, since I'm now emotionally exhausted I'm saving it for tomorrow. Queen Kissy
I stopped by your Open House and enjoyed reading this short story. I hope you find this feedback useful. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I actually chose this item because of the title and description. The twentieth anniversary of my own father's death was last week, so I'm still dealing with my own memories. I applaud you for using the word "death" in the description. I've seen many items about "loss" and it kind of irks me. My dad didn't get lost at Walmart, he died. I wish more people weren't afraid of the word.
Content: You did an excellent job with a difficult topic. You've conveyed several emotions to the reader in a natural way. To name a few- sorrow, joy, and hope. The sixth paragraph really got my attention because I could easily identify with those odd happenings that trigger memories.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: Your second paragraph must have been a hard one to write. I'm not sure I would have the strength to go into details. There seems to be some punctuation and grammar errors sprinkled throughout. I would double check the plural form of the words son's, birthday's, and holiday's. Also, I noticed you used the word just five times in the second paragraph. Since there are only eight sentences, it seems excessive. My feeling is that this paragraph came pouring out of you so rapidly that perhaps you had a hard time with editing. (That would be the case for me.)
Suggestions: Thank you for sharing such a personal experience with us. I think once you do some proofreading and revise it, you'll have a real gem to show your sons when they are older. Please let me know if you make any changes, I would love to read through it again!
I found your poem on Noticing Newbies. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful. First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Very creative!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter: Japanese forms are my favorite! All of your haiku are formatted perfectly. They all follow the 5/7/5 pattern.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You've used your syllables wisely to convey humor. I was chuckling through each haiku.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No mistakes noticed by me.
Suggestions: Take time to set up your bio block so we can learn more about you. Also, check out all the different forums and groups WdC has to offer. There's something for everyone!
Thank you for sharing this piece with us, I look forward to seeing more! Write on! Queen Kissy
First, let me say that I am not a professional. This review is just a personal opinion that I am sharing with you. If anything in this review is deemed unhelpful, please ignore.
Form: Free Verse- there's no rhythm pattern or rhyme scheme.
Content: The subject is interesting and your chosen words use literal imagery to help the reader imagine the assortment of hands. The punctuation helps keep it flowing steadily most of the time. The presentation is fairly well done. I like that the individual lines create emphasis on them individually instead of stanzas.
Conclusion: A thought provoking poem about an ordinary subject, that makes the reader view it differently. Good job!
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Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: The "lesson" I took away from this poem was that life can be too short and you should go after what you want now instead of waiting.
