A very interesting read. Just goes to show you that the most mundane of places can be frightening!
I would have liked a bit more development of why Cloe would have Chet killed, I'm assuming she was able to channel a supernatural force to do it, but for the reader, the question of why? seems important. It seems like Chet was a jerk to everybody, so to see why in particular Chloe wanted him dead would bring out more force to the story.
Other than that, keep up the good work, I like to see creative stuff like this... as soon as I saw the title, I knew I had to read it!!
This was an interesting read. I wasn't sure what to expect when I noticed that it was in a lyrical format, but I think this turned out well. It seemed that the chorus and the main body got intertwined in a repetitive nature, but I actually liked that. It gave the piece a sense of the repetition that the main character fells as he proceeds to drink his life away.
Any chance that this will get turned into a country song? It's one I think I'd actually listen to!
Wow, an interesting and shocking read. Very few things make me cringe when read, but that did it. The setting reminded of the movie 'The killing Room' with Peter Stormare, but obviously you went in a different direction with it.
There are a few typos here and there, but nothing too major, and nothing that disturbs the overall quality of the work. As to why anyone would make a hunger-inducing drug, well, that can be a whole book in itself!
Thank you for providing a genuinely disturbing work of fiction.
Well, a story with a colostomy bag isn't something you see every day... but it's still pretty interesting. I was wondering at first where it was going, but halfway through, it got right to the point.
I really enjoyed the description of all the hassle Kelsey had to go through over his school clothes, I remember that same dilemma when I was a kid, so good going there!
The other thing I noticed was the rather simple sentehence structure, and the use of exclamation points. This kind of reminded me of the Hardy Boys series I read as a kid, or the work of Brian Jaques; when he's excited about something, he wants you to know it. However, I saw that this story is rated for 13+, so the sentence complication isn't a really big deal.
One of the things that I really liked was that a good deal of the writing was written almost like it would be said, with the use of the word "like" a lot, and a cadence that almost suggests the spoken word.
Keep up the good work!
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