This is a good story. It moved along swiftly and flowed evenly throughout. It was easy to understand the author's reactions. I think the only think I would like to have known a bit more about was her daughter. The grandchildern do make us feel immortal. Lin
I thought this was good. It was not what I was expecting when I clicked on the title. It flows nicely and I had no touble evoking the images in my brain. I think that the frist stanza was my favorite but I liked the image of "pictures cut up into speckles of confetti". Keep writing! Lin
I thought this was good. It flowed well and presented a good mental image. You painted with your words and I saw what was happening. The image of stone tumbling, dancing and melting in the joyus flood was excellant. The power of water in a new light. Good writing. Lin
That was a good account of what happens when we are called on in school. I could easily relate and relive that moment in time. There are some grammer corrections that would help make this piece shine. You do have a good sense of humor and it comes through. "break my cool" - you missed the first quote mark.
"I hold back another blemish in my voice", I hold back another crack..." I don't think blemish fits well here.
I loved you thinking up your obituary but you need more of a lead-in to it. Maybe, "Here lies Rachel..."
I think the word "dieing" is "dying".
Overall this is a very funny piece. Keep writing. Lin
This was really good. I loved the pace and the rhythm of this poem. It reminded me of "The Midnight Ride of Paul Revere". What a great way to renew our knowledge of US history and I agree that it was a harbinger of things to come. You have taken history and given it an excitement that should delight everyone. Lin
This was a beautiful poem that captured love in simple but wonderful words. The piece flowed well and it moved along nicely. The emotions moved like a river current, I felt swept along. I really enjoyed this piece, there was a real intimacy shared witht he reader. Well doen! Lin
That brought back of few fond memories. In fact I think some of those things still happen. This flowed smoothly and moved along with no hitches. I love the alternate career choices you have put in at the end of the stanzas. The ending was just right. Well doen! Lin
This was the start of what could be a really good longer story. I was cuaght up in the piece from the beginning and it flowed well and moved along swiftly. I would like to have known why the girl died. What happened in the attic that kept her there? Do you have any plans to expand this story? Lin
I like the way you wrote this, including real quotes with imagined thoughts. I also like the way you broke the quotes out. The thing about the Salem Witchcraft tales is that the transcend time and could be any person, anywhere, at any time, and that is a very sad commentary on how much civilization has delayed it's advancement. I could easily have continued reading this had you chosen to make it longer. There were a few grammer errors with flipping aorund of tenses but overall this was an interesting read. Lin
It was very easy to imagine the girl sitting in amoungst the flowers, bathed in sunshine and marveling at her rainbow. The description is very good and you do get a feeling of well-being from the setting. I think that this could be a much bigger story about the girl and why she would rather be where she is but the piece does stand as it is. Well doen. Lin
I read these first just as you had written them and then I went back and added "in bed" to all of them and your friend is 100% correct. I found great joy from reading your cookies, especially when I added "in bed". I now know that the wisdom to all great writing is "in bed". This was a good piece that gave me quite a laugh. Congrats on taken the idea and running with it. Lin
Par for the course, I think. This is so true. Even as I sit here typing this there are two containers next to me full of pens. Should I need to use one, you can be sure that my favorite pen will be missing and the substitute will have no ink! This is the curse of all writing instruments. lol! Lin
I hope to see this folder continue to grow. What you have written is a pleasure to read. It shows respect and very well thoughtout observations. I was very pleased that I looked at this folder and thank you for giving me some enjoyable moments. I really do think that you should continue to deposit more of your thoughts into this folder. Lin
Well writtten and well thought out theory on the difference between men and women and women and flowers. I felt like this was almost and ode to women. The piece moves fluidly and swiftly to it's conclusion. I felt a smirk on my face as it started but then a real sense of "not a bad theory" at it's conclusion. Well done! Lin
This was interesting and flowed pretty well. I love the idea of exploring what makes evil - evil. You lost the thread of the mother though. She just dropped off, so while we know that she is jealous you don't really say why that affected Bersilla. Also, how did the kings death affect the realtionship between Bersilla and her mother. I love the name Bersilla. There are some grammer errors which I am afraid I floated over because I was interested in the actual theory of what makes Bersilla evil. Was the father's name supposed to be Clifford? Read this over carefully and put it through spell check and it will help tighten the piece up. Cudos's for you for coming up with the idea! Lin
This poem had a very light-hearted feel to it as I read. It flowed pretty well and moved along quickly. I liked the feel of the whole poem and think it would actually make a good lyric. It does need some puncuation. I really like the Line "listen to the birds, when they sing, waving to lovers, with each wing." Lin
I thought this was a great story. It moved along swiftly and the charecters were fleshed out. While the topic was sad, the ending was hopeful. I have no real suggestions for imporving this piece. It was a good read and I will be checking the authors port for more stories. Lin
This was beautiful. A very special piece which I will be sharing with my mother who came home from the hospital without her last child. It took her years to begin to deal with pain. You have truly got the feelings involved. This piece flowed well and was an excellant read. Lin
I thought that this was great and made a lot of valid points. One of my biggest problems that I struggle with, is that I can really like a piece but there are errors in grammer etc. I have that happen to me when I am writing. Soemtimes, no matter how careful I am, my eyes deceive me or my brain goes on vacation. I don't see the errors BUT the piece is actually good. Should I be helped or have merit points taken away? Also, as a painter I have had lots of experience with what appeals to some may not appeal to all. If what you wrote strikes a real chord with me then I am going to rate according to what it made me feel. I can't help it. It is being honest with the writer and myself. I also find myself clicking on the author's bio if I am having trouble understanding what I am looking at. We all need to pay more attention to bios. If you have a degree in english or literature I am going to expect more from you than if you are struggling for a highschool education. Yet, the work of one deserves no less consideration than the work of the other. We write from what we know. We create from what we know. I will not slap on a penalty when you are trying to share your thoughts, just because you don't have all the skills necessary to make it perfect. We all gain from reviews if they are done in a helpful, considerate manner. The same with ratings. Good piece. Thanks for all the effort and making me think. Lin
This was a good article and one that will be helpful to all members. It is inportant to remmeber that this a community made up of individuals. So many personalites is what helsp make this site so great. Common courtesy is important. No creative person will have their work suit every person's taste. You have to develope a thick hide to exisit in this world. Take what is helpful on board and learn to shrug off what isn't. Well done! Lin
This was a great read. It moved along swiftly with great conversation and the story was easy to believe. I was caught up from the start and Iw asn't expecting the ending. I had not trouble picturing the two main charecters or the hospital room. Your setting was authentic. Thanks for a wonderful story and a learning experience. Lin
This was beautiful and I want to thank you for pointing me in the direction of this poem. It flowed swiftly and smoothly. There is so much that can be read in to it. I have felt this way about a child I longed for but never knew. I will be going back to have a look at your whole port. Thanks, Lin
I enjoyed this poem. I have had a few moments with whispers in the twilight. This piece flowed well and the words helped create a creepy, all senses on alert feeling. My favorite stanza is the last which results in a feeling of relief. Thaks for a good read. Lin
Well that one really blew me away! Well done! This story moves along rapidly and never falters. The ending actually was a surprise. I wasn't expecting what I got. The conversation flowed along and was believable. There is some good suspense. The charecters were easy to imagine. Well done! Lin
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