Laurie Jay's (lauriejay) Reviews

Laurie Jay

Review Requests: OFF

18 Public Reviews Given

47 Total Reviews Given

1

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3299375

Review of I Know

Review by Laurie Jay

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Reading this made me think of my own situation with a friend. It was actually eerie reading this as I could relate exactly to it. I liked the way this was constructed, mainly rhyming. If you wanted to have a set pattern with this, then you might consider having the last lines of every verse un-rhymed, or maybe just the last line set off by itself. Really though, this was great the way it was written, and the emotion was tangible.

2

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3273732

Review of Contest Entry: Alexandria's Lament

Review by Laurie Jay

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Ouch. But at the same time- you go girl! (figuratively to the character haha) I liked the wording you used to bring to light the whole cheating issue: "You were hip deep in rubbers not plastics" new way of saying it that I hadn't heard before! I loved your main character- i loved the attitude that she had, shows she's strong although she's been hurt. Kick-butt woman who isn't going to take crap from her husband anymore. The description of their kids was good too, lending a bit more depth to it. And the last line is just great. Puts him in his lowly place. Good story!

3

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3270497

Review of Forsaken

Review by Laurie Jay

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Amazing poem! The first line really caught my attention being the line from the Bible, great hook. Reading through it I could relate almost exactly as I'm sure that many people can, and which makes it really good. I particularly liked how you flipped it in the second half, turning the bad into the good, the questions into your answers. And the last line struck me deeply. I loved it. Great job with this, and keep writing more like it!

4

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3270494

Review of Persephone

Review by Laurie Jay

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Very engaging poem. I personally always found Persephone an intriguing character of Greek Mythology. I liked the symmetry you had in the beginning two verses. The way you worded it and set it up made it stand out; it was simple and that made it strike, in a sense, more clearly and deeply to me. My favorite verse was the last one, very stirring.

5

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3263882

Review of The Box in the Corner

Review by Laurie Jay

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

That was a great story! I enjoyed reading it. I really liked the attention to details that you had for the memories, and Patty's feelings. It's like we're there with her remembering her children. And they were relatable too; I've got a younger brother who did almost the same thing that Sam did, which was funny. You had that touch of mystery there, where I was wondering what happened to all her "children" that she would be making a quilt for them. You lead up to the end well. You really felt that those kids were her children until the very end and then it was all pretty clear. Good job!