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849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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151
151
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Oldwarrior Author Icon. I'm back with a review on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L.Open in new Window.. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

Chapter 3
In the second and third para, the drinking problem of Billy and his incompetence should be interchanged. I mean he was incompetent, still he joined this job because he needed the money to pay the bills. It is just the matter of sequencing.

Otherwise there was no problem with Chapter three.

Chapter 4
Equally interesting. You have kept me hooked to the chapter. I have a slight hesitation, how did she destroy the egg? If it is that big an egg, should it be mentioned how Tapitha destroyed it?

Apart from this minor issue, I did not find any loopholes in the plot.


*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Character

Chapter 3
Billy is shown as a work-shirker and drunkard. His character is not portrayed in detail but is sufficient for the chapter.

Chapter 4
Tapitha and Jacob are introduced here. Both are well-introduced so as to make a connection between them.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Description

Chapter 3
Not much description included but since this is a inbetweenie sort of chapter, it is sufficient.

Chapter 4
The chapters lack in description. It feels like I'm reading through the chapter rather than seeing it. Though you have built the scene well, I do not get to see the characters in action. Whenever you are working on rewrite, this is one are you need to take care of.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar


These are well-written chapters. There were only few observations which are marked in the following drop-notes.

Chapter 3 Line Edits


Chapter 4 Edit Points

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Favorites and Not-so-favorites

The build up of the story. I am enjoying it a lot.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I have not seen "Them" yet. I was wondering if the story follows the similar line to it? Or is it changed?

I will move on to the next chapters soon. Till then, keep writing!

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152
152
Review of Scizhophrenia  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi tinyteddy99 Author Icon. I found your item in "Read a Newbie" page. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

I loved the poem, the way you paraphrased the darkness hidden in her mind. It touched heart in a way, especially the beginning paragraph which was my favorite in the poem.

Suggestions

The poem varies in tense throughout. The first stanza starts with the past tense which changes to present in the third para and then back to past in fifth stanza.

Other thoughts

I did not get the meaning of the last sentence, who "you"was supposed to be in this. Otherwise, I enjoyed the poem. Thank you for sharing your work.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*



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153
153
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi AnnMarie Patson Author Icon. I found your item in "Read a Newbie". Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Initial Reaction

The poem talks about the chaos created by self-doubt and insecurity in out minds. We all suffer from these at one or the other time.

Suggestions

The only suggestion I have is that the poem is too short. I do not have anything against short poems as such, just that this poem left me feeling there should be something more.

Other thoughts

The best part about the poem were the internal rhymes included in most of the sentences. That made the flow of the poem more amazing. Thank you for sharing this poem.

Keep Writing *Thumbsup*

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154
154
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Oldwarrior Author Icon. I'm back with the review of chapter two on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L.Open in new Window.. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

The chapter explains the journey of eggs. You have me fiercely interested in knowing what kind of eggs are these. No particular plot-holes found.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Character

I loved Cailin and Eoin and Kayla are also developed enough for the scene. Honestly speaking, I enjoyed the interaction between them which clearly showed the love and affection between them.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Description

I do not have any complaint in this chapter. The descriptions were sufficient to suit the pace. There were no open ends or overhangs here.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar


LINE EDITS DROPNOTE

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I loved the name "Popper" and the slow building of the story. I know the basic idea is going to be eggs but you have done a great job in building the excitement.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I was so tempted to jump over to the next chapter without finishing the review first. I will soon move on to it. Till then, keep writing.

The Pursuit of Excellence: Novel Critiquing and Improvement League. Click image for more!


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155
155
In affiliation with P.E.N.C.I.L.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Oldwarrior Author Icon. I'm reviewing this chapter on behalf of "P.E.N.C.I.L.Open in new Window.. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

The chapter talks about Doctor Yoshida discovering pre-historic eggs in Antartica during one of his expedition. I found it fascinating. As I told you earlier, I have not seen the movie "Them", but the chapter kept me interested to make me turn the page to read the next chapter and know about eggs. There were few sections which contradicted like~

1) Doctor Yoshida was renowned scientist who was revered. Still, he was unable to afford transportation to McMurdo Station. The reader need to understand the why of this. Since you have given a special emphasis on this fact the reader needs to know whether it was becasue of accessibility or because of long distance travel or was it because of age of Doctor which did not permit the travel in the bitter wind.

2) I was not able to visualize the drilling procedure. As far as I understand drilling, drilling for the old ice is not done in a single go, instead the samples are taken and dumped and then it is further drilled. I might be wrong but this is what I remember from my science class. Now, the story says the placing of seven pipes of the material but I never got whether they are from the same sample or from two or three different locations. Sorry, but being a science student made me curious to know this. I went through the para twice to understand what was happening but could not get it.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Character

Yoshida is the main character here who has been portrayed as a work obsessed scientist who really enjoys his work. The character is strong but I do not get to see the character completely. I get to see the surroundings and the ice procedure and the eggs but not the character. That is not necessarily a bad thing if he makes an appearance only for this chapter. But if somehow, he has to play some other important role, then he needs more descriptions. I will get back to this point once I go through the rest of the chapters.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Description

That is where this chapters stalls, I am able to read everything but not see anything. I cannot taste the confusion and the excitement in the chapter. The story in itself is very interesting, but adding that seeing part can add a third dimension to it. Especially the McMurdo Station which remains a black hole for me.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar

I am not an expert in this area, but I will try to point out the sections to the best of my abilities.
I will like to give few general observation before I start the detail comments. One basic mistake throughout the chapter is in direct address of Doctor. Direct address should precede or follow with the comma but it is missed in most of the places in the chapter. I will mark out the specific points in the detailed comments but you need to be careful about this.

Also there are places which can do without the use of helping verbs. I will suggest that while rewriting, be special careful about the use of "would" and "was". There are places in the story where these can be changed into the simple past tense, making the reader more involved in the activities.

Detailed Edit-Points

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

Well there are many favorite. I loved the details of science sprinkled throughout the story which made the story real for me. I will still like to feel more descriptions in the story though. This is only 2100 words. I'm sure you can manage a bit more three or four hundred words to describe everything better.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I just have one more small suggestion. You need to give empty space between the paragraphs to facilitate the reading. Currently, absence of white space make it look cramped.
I enjoyed reading through the story. I will move on to the next chapter soon.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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156
156
Review of Is that me?  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hey SooNami Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. I'm reviewing this piece on behalf of "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. and "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Since you asked specifically about the story, I am forgoing the usual review template. The story of a single girl who has insecurity complex-- well who doesn't want to read it? This feels like a chicklit, but I always enjoy the humor and a good story. So, yes I would say I wish to read more about what is going to happen.

This piece in itself needs some work with respect to the formatting and the grammar sections but I think the humor in the story would appeal to the reader.

Overall, a strong voice is used in the story. That is what I enjoyed the most about it.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

** Image ID #1774078 Unavailable **



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157
157
Review of Patience  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
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Hi Marci Missing Everyone Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. I'm reviewing this item on behalf of "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. and "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Imagery Created

The poem is good, but the imagery used in the poem is not that strong to reel me in. There are few discrepancies in the imagery, like the speaker of the poem things that praying to God for patience is a scary, yet she prays in the last stanza. Apart from this, I believe what this poem needs is more concreteness. But poetry is a personal thing. Its appeal and definition varies from person to person.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language, grammar and form

You have followed no definite syllable count, but the rhymes you have used flows smoothly except for one point between "upset" and "bit" which do not rhyme as per my pronunciation. Also, I did not get the meaning of last sentence of the poem. For patience more than anything leads in my life. This line is missing something.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Punctuation

I understand and usually do not mind the missing end punctuation marks, but the punctuation in the mid of the lines should not be ignored. Like I guess it is missed in the sentence mentioned above. Also the sentence Patience is a virtue we know it’s true needs a punctuation mark between virtue and we.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

I enjoyed the second-last para the most which talks about the tribulations of being wife and mother. I'm sure every woman with agree with the need of patience in these roles.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and suggestions

If at any point you feel my comments are not clear, you can drop me a mail. Thank you for sharing your work. Welcome once again.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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158
158
Review of Veil  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
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Hey Eliza James Author Icon. First of all, let me wish you a very warm welcome from WDC. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

A nice poem which captures the pain of eroding of dreams and past memories. The images painted in the poem are nice and they flow seamlessly from one place to another. I just felt that the poem is too small and has a scope of more expansion. What I enjoyed the most in the poem is the small rhyme that you have incorporated and the refrain introduced in the poem. The only thing I did not like was the repetition of the word "fade" which did not go with the whole format of the poem used.

Thank you sharing this poem. Hope you write more of such gems.

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159
159
Review of A Flow of Honey  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi weeza Author Icon. I found your item in "The Kiwi Review Challenge! - closedOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

I have read the story twice to understand it, but I'm not sure I still completely understand it. The story jumps between past and present too many times for my mind to process it that fast. But as far as I understand the story is about Audrey who has been called to hospital as her husband is critically ill. She should feel guilty, but she feels elated because she believes fate is guiding her on the right path.

Now there are points where I struggled. The one such point is the importance of the character "Mae". She is the best friend of Audrey, that is true but the end sentence which says that "Perhaps Mae had discovered the eternal freedom" left me confused as to what happened to her. I might be missing something.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Character


The only character I found well-developed was Audrey whose indecision and doubts are made clear. Colin is also somewhat developed, esp his philosophy about fate. Mae and David as I said are not very developed and not very relevant to the current piece unless you want to develop into a novel of sorts. If you are planning to enhance this into a longer piece, then only they will add the dimension to the character of Audrey. For now, they just feel like accessory.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Description

That is the strongest point of your story. The way you described the place and the honey analogy warmed my heart. The distortion by rain and life was also interesting to read.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar

I am not giving a detailed edit points here but few basic observations~

1) Each dialogue from a character should form one paragraph for clarity. This is better explained in the newsletter " Newsletter (Spare)Open in new Window.. This won't change the story but will make it easier to read.

2) You have used two variations of the name "Peterson". You may want to decide on one and stick to it throughout.

3) This is not a mistake but a lesson which was recently taught to me. You have used "was" in many places in the story. Most of the places can do with a stronger verb. It will enhance the story but as I said I'm also trying to incorporate it in my writing.

4) Also while giving a direct address, there should be a comma before the name. This link can explain the nuances of the uses of comma in such scenarios. It has helped me learn a lot. I hope these would help you too.
http://www.grammarerrors.com/punctuation/commas-in...

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

My favorite would be the paragraph wherein you explained the rain and the distorted path which life of Audrey had taken. What I did not like was the absence of shock when Audrey sees her husband . Yo have mentioned that she collapsed but the conversation she had with Doctor and the reaction she is having while seeing her husband in ICU is somewhat unexpected. I mean even if she feels relieved, the first impression would always be shock. Slowly, it can be replaced with elation but that shock is not very well developed.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

The story has a potential to be developed further into a longer piece but you would have to flesh out the characters more for that. In case any of my comments is not clear or wrong, do not hesitate to write a mail. It would be a learning process for me too. Also in case you plan to revise the story and enhance it to something bigger, I would like to read what happened with Mae.

Thank you for sharing the story.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

A handle gifted by Fal.


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160
160
In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey Princess Zelda Author Icon. Look what I found. An Easter egg!!!

This is my first Easter egg of my life so well, it should be a special one.

Very cute C-notes. The name of the shop complements your contest too. The designs are good, as is the font which goes with the design. My favorite C-note is in the Thank you C-note which shows the red butterfly. Also the C-notes are quite affordable.

I hope you keep on adding for the other emotions as well.

Keep Smiling.

** Image ID #1901869 Unavailable **



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161
161
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer BreakOpen in new Window.*CakeP*


Hello R. Walter Smith Author Icon. First of all many congratulations on completing three years on WDC. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Imagery Created

Wow. I can see why this poem won the award in Poem a Day and why it was selected for the anthology. Every line weaves in the image of spring season in the mind of the reader. I enjoyed it immensely. The only thing which I did not understand was the meaning of "On High". Probably my imperceptive mind, but I was unable to get the meaning of this phrase with respect to the poem.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language, grammar and form


I am not very well-versed with Iambic pentameter. I understand the meaning of it but I am not a good judge of it. My comment on the the technical aspect will not include that part of the poem though I truly understand the importance and difficulty of it.

The rhymes that you have used flows perfectly without stumbling my flow anywhere. The only complain I have is the use of the word "And" which has been used almost nine times in the poem. Some lines can do without it and will actually make the poem tighter, but it may affect the syllable count you are trying to maintain.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Punctuation

You have not used any punctuation in the poem, but it did not hinder my flow while reading.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

There were many images I enjoyed in the poem. The return of Sun after mighty storm and the idea of showing dual nature of the spring was my favorite section. Many a time, due to the flowery promise, we forget it houses the storms too. What I found odd was the use of word awesome which is used so much these days that it sounded odd to me while reading it in context with the other lines.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and suggestions

It was interesting to read how you visualize the spring. Thank you for sharing this work of yours.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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162
162
Review of Get Echo Query  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi there Amber Kuhlman Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Plot
Get Echo sounds like an interesting romance story. Well, I know you have not mentioned romance anywhere but I always add romance to any unknown plot. AS per me, the plot is Echo starts taking drug when she loses her parents. One day, she meets with an accident and is sentenced to a rehabilitation center where she rediscovers her life along with the Doctor and the staff of the hospital.

Grammar and Language
The plot is interesting enough to capture and interest me into reading it. Grammatically, I have a few suggestions to add~

1) Attending a party months after her parents tragic demise, Echo is raped and pushed over the edge, resorting to her only outlet, a 'bad boy' she meets named David Nash. ~ I did not understand the meaning of this sentence. Neither does this sentence go with the accident sentence. I think you need to simplify this sentence either by shortening it, or by rewriting it.

2) nothing to take for granted. ~ Instead of "to take", the better phrase would be "to be taken".

3) Throughout the novel~ This phrase did not seem right to me. I have not written the query letter, but this is not a phrase I would usually see on the blurb of a book. Probably, "As the novel unfolds" or some phrase like this would suit the sentence better.

Other thoughts and suggestions
First story in the middle school, eh? You must have been writing for a long, long time. Wish you all the best for the contest.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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163
163
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hey Angus Author Icon. I found this story under "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. in the nominations for the short story. Congratulations on being selected for the Quill Awards. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

What a funny story. Your muse is on strike and still you have written this amazing piece. I had a discussion with my friend few days back that muses are mostly females. But, here you proved me wrong. Your muse is male as well. The story flowed perfectly well. The only thing I did not get was the discussion about poster of Seamus. What exactly did you mean by the sentence that "You know he's just here for the food," But I think this is because of difference in our cultures. I would love if you can explain this to me.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Characters and Description

Quex seems like a dominating and dissipated muse. As a muse, he is clearly described in the story. The description is also sufficient to go with the story.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar

Mostly the piece is well-polished. I only found a few punctuation issues in the story, otherwise the story was perfect.
1) when he walked in the living room I noticed he didn't ~ The sentence needs a comma after the room to give the much deserving break in the story.
2) while back in-wait a minute~ I don't think the usage of hyphen here is correct. What you need in this sentence is ellipsis to indicate the pause in the sentence. Here is the quick link informing about it. http://grammar.quickanddirtytips.com/ellipsis.aspx...
3) Sometimes I worried about our-sorry-his sanity Here also the usage of hyphen is not correct. What I think is you wanted to use an em dash here, which would have been equally wrong. The sentence would do fine with commas in place of hyphens.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

Well, there are many favorites throughout the story, but my ultimate favorite is this sentence.
I couldn't think of the words to convey the feelings of utter astonishment, anger, contempt, bewilderment, hatred, confusion, resentment, asperity and virulence that I had at the words he'd just spoken. I was laughing out loud after reading how many synonyms you have used to highlight your point.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

A very beautiful story. Thanks a lot for sharing it. Wish you all the best for award.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

WDC Contestants Power Raid


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164
164
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Sum1 Author Icon. Congratulations on the nomination of "The Jester CreatedOpen in new Window. in 1 "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. under YA section. This is WDC Power Raid Review. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Imagery Created

Telling a story in a poem is difficult, and telling it in rhymes is more difficult. But this poem shows it beautifully. The poem flows smoothly from one scene to another without any jarring.It tells the story of a boy whose father bargained with Satan for his life, and an angel ascended from heaven to help him grow better.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is polished and I did not find anything major which distracts from the story it tells. I found all the rhymes smooth while reading the poem aloud. I just have two tiny suggestion and that's me being nit-picky.

To teach you how to bring other’s happiness. ~ The sentence is fine grammatically and language wise, but somehow reading "giving other's happiness" as a part of conversation made it a bit awkward. I cannot pin-point it exactly what is the issue here, but I think "bring" doesn't sound right in the sentence. "Return" and "give" both I can understand but the phrase "bring other's happiness" does not convey the right meaning. But maybe it is me only.

Til then ~ I think this is a typo and you meant "Till" here.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Punctuation

The punctuation in the poem is perfect except for one small thing.
Though the sentence “Well, he didn’t know his mind wasn’t level. is correct currently, I was wondering that if there is a a comma or a period missed between know and his. I think this is the perfect case of how punctuation would change the meaning of the sentence.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorites lines are As usual, Satan didn’t keep his word,
Thought he’d get two souls, the agreement he blurred.
because they show the devious nature of the Satan quite well.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I am glad I got to read this poem. Wish you all the best for the award.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

WDC Contestants Power Raid


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165
165
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer BreakOpen in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi Keaton Foster: Know My Hell! Author Icon. First of all let me take this opportunity to congratulate you on completing five years on WDC. Also, congratulations on being selected for Quill Awards. I found this in the sections of best poetry collection in "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window..

I am a fellow nominee along with you in this category. But after seeing it, I know what a collection should look like. I never thought about writing a poem for the reason I write. Yours is a much well-organized collection. *Smile*

Now to the review. The poem indicates why you write and what do you expect people to take when they enter this portfolio. What I loved the most was picture of the fortune teller which is in the header section.

For the poem, I just have a small suggestion.

Those that listen to my voice
Those that hear my calls
~ In these lines since you are talking about your readers the usage of "that" is not correct. It should be "who" in place of "that". Otherwise the poem shows that your are the poet first and foremost who wants to gift his words to the world.

I see that most of your poem are categorized under same header of adult, drama and experience. But all of these poems are not in the adult category. Some are more into the category of relationship while some more into romance and dark category. This left me wondering if you selected this as a standard genre for the poems you are writing? If yes, then, you are depriving your readers who search the poems by genre, rather than by the poets.

In the end , I would like to say that my words are meant as a way to encourage and help, and not to offend in any manner.

I wish you all the best for the award.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

WDC Contestants Power Raid


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166
166
Review of Words  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hey romanrodriguez1 Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. I found your poem in the "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

I think the poem conveys the message quite well. It will tell your beloved how much you miss him. *Smile*
I am sure he would appreciate your emotions as much as I can as a reader.

The only suggestions I would like to add in the poem is in the second sentence. Most of the lines you have written what you would have done had you been with him, but this sentence does not include him. I would have written "dancing with you along a gentle tune."

Also, I felt the words "to hold against your own" a bit out of sync. But that could be only because I have never heard the phrase holding the lips against one.

Apart from these, I do not have any further things to add. This poem is powerful enough to convey the yearning you wish to convey, though I would not label it as gay/lesbian because I could not find any reason for the poem alluding to i. You might have written it for your boyfriend, but this poem is more about love and romance, distance and relationship than about gay/lesbian part. But that is entirely your wish.

I hope you will write more and use this site after the Valentine's Day as well. *Bigsmile*

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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167
167
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey Sorix Dragonwing Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

First Impression

A rejection by someone who cares for us, but is not ever to understand us always hankers like a thorn. We might achieve everything but it always stays in our mind. Your poem expresses that helplessness quite well. It shows the belief in yourself, yet the need to make that person understand.

Suggestions

1) Most of the poem flows in past tense, but there are places where you have used present tense in between. It distracts and dilutes the meaning you want to convey in the lines. For example Rooted as you've It should be "you had" in place of "you have"

2) I was still were I I think you meant "where" here, in place of the verb "were" you have used here. You may wish to cross-check this.

Favorite lines
The ending two lines. I totally loved the reference of black sheep and eternal sleep idea. *Smile*

Thank you writing and sharing this poem.

Keep Writing *Thumbsup*

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168
168
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hey BecomingZion Author Icon. First of all, a very warm welcome to WDC community. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

This is quite a short piece to be labelled as essay. It looks more like a quote or thought which is written for the reference as you have labelled it. *Smile*

The sentiment is admirable though. Everybody wants to find that balance between the selflessness and self-love, between the complete surrender and the need to hold our own identity. But then, extreme of everything is bad, we always need to select a midway. Honestly speaking, I stopped caring about what people think of me a long time back. We really cannot make everyone happy.

As far as language and grammar go, I think you need to edit the following sentence~
I desire for them ~ "For" seems extra here. The sentence will flow freely without four as well.

Also, you have used four dashes in the sentence, which can easily be replaced by commas and make the sentence look more simple.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Do add some more things to your port.


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169
169
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi there R.A. Burns Author Icon. First of all, let me extend a warm welcome to you. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Plot

The story unfolds in the Manhattan, Hell's Kitchen and Brooklyn area, where in the protagonist is a child of eight year old. He lives in poverty and is beaten by his father when he leaves his home, and embark to make his destiny in Brooklyn. The only issue I found was with the age and year co-ordination in the plot. The child you said is eight year and is being beaten by the father for three years. Well, this is entirely plausible, but a child to remember exactly how many ears it has been, you need to place a jagged memory. May be he was first beaten on his birthday or something like that. Else a five year old child would not be able to keep in mind, when his beatings started. But then, you can again say it has been going on for many years.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Character

The character is well-developed. I could feel the compassion for the boy as he struggled to find some rebellion from his mother.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Description

This piece lacks a bit in description area. I mean to connect to a character I need to feel how he felt betrayed when his own mother abandoned him to his father, or how he felt the fear trickling down his back while going home as he had not earned enough. A bit of more detailing will add another dimension to the story.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language and Grammar

I see that you have used the dialect in the story. I have never been able to use one till date. It's a sort of weakness of mine, as I do not have ear for dialects. But then, this can be because of the reason that English is my second language. The major issue I found was that you have used many "-ing" verbs in the beginning, especially second and third para. It broke my reading due to the constant repetition. Also, it felt unnecessary to use them in the beginning of the sentence. Also in your dialect, you have used "da" for the too and for father too. As I said dialects has never been my specialty, but you might want to check on it.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

The use of dialect and the way you have shown spunk in the child who was so badly abused touched my heart. *Smile*

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I'm not sure how the story is going to progress, or why you have named this chapter "The King" while the name of your protagonist is "Spot", but I'm sure these things will be evident in subsequent chapters. Do write more of such chapter. Thank you fr sharing this.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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170
170
Review of wounded heart  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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Hi there WrittenHeart Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. I found this piece posted at "Newbie Help And Support Review CentralOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Imagery Created

In this poem, a person talks to his heart not to raise hopes and forget the lady it loved. Though the beginning began with this idea, the poem deviated from the perception in the middle. Refer to the sentence I picked up the pieces,( I think I got them all) But I think it's done for. where the heart is treated as a third person.
Though the poem is interesting, it moves from treating heart as a second person to the third person. Keeping it in second person will make the poem consistent in that manner.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Language, grammar and form

I do not think you have adhered to any particular form, though when spoken out aloud the poem read fine without any jarring words. Apart from the change in POV(explained above) I did not find any glaring error. The rhymes you have placed in the middle do not feel forced anywhere.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Punctuation

Mostly, you have followed punctuation everywhere, except for two sentences where in a period is missed in the end. Also, I'm assuming that you have used word "Love" to address the heart, and hence there is a comma after that/. Following the same pattern, the first line wherein the heart is being addressed as a "heart" should have a comma to as a direct address.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

The way you talked to address in the initial lines was what I enjoyed the most.

*Vine1**FlowerR**Vine2*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Consider me partial to my choices, but I would love to see this poem in second person . I have tried to give you my honest views, but if somewhere I am not clear enough or you feel I am mistaken, do drop me a mail.

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171
171
Review of The Rain  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome WagonOpen in new Window.! *BalloonR*

Hi there love2write Author Icon. First of all, let me extend a warm welcome to you. There is a lot to do on WDC, and I hope you will enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying it. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Message Conveyed
Let me tell you that I too enjoy the good poetry and rainfall. This looks like a kind of prose poem. It explain your feelings regarding rain nicely. But the last line of the poems dilutes the affect of the images created in the previous lines. Though the message you are trying to convey through it is good, but somehow the effect is diluted by the choice words in the last line. Except that, the whole poem had a kind of dreamy quality that makes me want to feel the rain again.

Language, and Grammar
The typos and small errors in the poem distracts from the beauty. I will tell you the issues I found with the poem.

1) One major thing I noted here is the incorrect use of "its". What you actually wanted to use was the word "it's" which means "it is".

2) You have used a word "piece", which should actually be "peace". I know both the words can be confusing.

3) Your like an eraser ~ What you want to use here is not "your" but "you're" which is the short of "you are".

Other thoughts and suggestions
Your words have a lyrical quality to them. Just avoid falling in the trap of "Easily Confused Words" and the poem will be absolutely perfect. These words usually have the same pronunciation but different meanings. I have found this article extremely useful in understanding such words. Probably, it will help you too.
"Invalid ItemOpen in new Window.

Wishing you again a very happy time in WDC! *Thumbsup*

A handle gifted by Fal.


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172
172
Review of Just A Nightmare  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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Hi there Joe E. Author Icon. Wish you a very warm welcome to WDC. I found this story in your portfolio. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Plot

The story about being haunted by a humanoid who entered the world of your protagonist. It was a good story with no particular plot holes.
It was eerie in a diary entry sort of way.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Character

For the short story, you have shown enough of your protagonist's dream and actions to really feel the fear.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Description

This is something which can be added to the story to increase the impact of the story on the readers especially in the last paragraph wherein your protagonist saw the parents in coma. The horror and the acknowledgement of the fear is not as well defined here as it is in the rest of the story.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language and Grammar

I'm not an expert in this field , but I found the piece mostly well-edited. I just have few small suggestion to add~

*Quill*As it started to pull its corpse through the window, I jolted upright in the same state of hyperventilation I’ve been waking up in ~ Since the whole story is in past tense, it should be "I had been" instead of "I have been".
*Quill* I was sure now more than ever that whatever infested my dreams made it into this world~ Few commas are needed in this sentence around the phrase of "now more than ever" to give the much needed pause.
*Quill* something I had not done since the days growing up and my creative imagination would form a monster to scare me. ~ "when" will be a better choice here in place of the word "and".
*Quill*followed by the same drumming noise ricochet through the walls towards me like an ambulance zooming by a car ~ The use of word "ricochet" here breaks the flow somehow. You may need to crosscheck it.
*Quill*yet before I commanded myself to do so ~ I'm not sure I got the meaning of "yet before" in this sentence.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I enjoyed the beginning paragraphs the most in which your fear is portrayed as palpable.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

I hope you write many more interesting pieces as this and this place inspires you for more.

All the best for your writing endeavors. *Thumbsup*

A handle gifted by Fal.


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173
173
Review of Fickle Child  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there 1906302. I found this item in "I Write in December-January-FebruaryOpen in new Window.. Before I begin my review please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

You mother does seem like a tyrant. First she forces you to be clean, and then she forces you to get out of water so that you don't prune under the spray. Poor, poor you. I will send a mail to UN Secretary to make a human right law for you. *Bigsmile*

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

Your syllable count and rhymes were perfect. I did not find any issue anywhere. Though I did wonder about the fact that you shower gives soapy water. Mine gives normal hot water.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Perfect. *Thumbsup*

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite was the extreme wisdom of you Mom portrayed in the story.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I enjoyed the poem very much. It was funny and wise. No other suggestions.

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174
174
Review of Another Cup  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there Annie Author Icon. I found your item in "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window. list. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in anyway.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

We all have been at this stage at one or the other time. We think past leaves us alone, once we have moved on, but it never does. It haunts us till we are about to sabotage the present and the future too. Your poem expresses that kind of feeling in it. Though most of it is good, I stumbled in the end. Efficiency of a cup and strength of the coffee were bit vague for me as a metaphor. Though I understood what you were trying to say, it did not feel right. But that can be because I have never been in such a situation.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

The poem is mostly with respect to the language used. I just have one small suggestion regarding the use of word "such" which felt superfluous to me.Rest the language you have used flows perfectly.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

The most I enjoyed the use of black and white in the poem. It conveyed all you wanted to convey in a single line.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

It is a good poem which touches the heart somehow. I am giving it four stars for the feelings it evoked. Thank you sharing your work.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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175
175
Review of Down - Not Out!  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the last review of your auction win at "Invalid ItemOpen in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about a person, who is depressed and is being lured towards drinks and drugs usage. It shows a person who had at one time considered such people weak, but now he can understand what they were facing.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

The rhymes of your poem flows as fluently as rest of the poems. I had two issues, mainly misunderstandings.

*Quill* those people are mugs ~ I did not understand the usage of word "mugs" here. Is this a kind of slang in some areas? Maybe because I am from a different region, I do not understand this reference.

*Quill* The third stanza is confusing between "You" and "I". I felt the last line of the stanza should also be in "you" form.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Perfect!!

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Last two lines which conveys the heart-touching meaning of giving an understanding to the addicts, rather than making fun of them.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

It is nice poem, with a message which we all need to understand. Thank you for writing and sharing your poems. I really enjoyed your thoughts and poems. I am glad the auction gave me an opportunity to enter your port and enjoy these pieces.


Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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