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849 Public Reviews Given
1,002 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I usually love reviewing. I will try to be honest about any plothole or the language issues I find.
I'm good at...
Poetry and all kind of fiction.
Favorite Genres
Romance, Erotica, Emotional.
Least Favorite Genres
Nil
Favorite Item Types
Poems, Short Stories and Novels.
Least Favorite Item Types
Non-fiction.
Public Reviews
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176
Review of Down - Not Out!  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the last review of your auction win at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

The poem talks about a person, who is depressed and is being lured towards drinks and drugs usage. It shows a person who had at one time considered such people weak, but now he can understand what they were facing.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

The rhymes of your poem flows as fluently as rest of the poems. I had two issues, mainly misunderstandings.

*Quill* those people are mugs ~ I did not understand the usage of word "mugs" here. Is this a kind of slang in some areas? Maybe because I am from a different region, I do not understand this reference.

*Quill* The third stanza is confusing between "You" and "I". I felt the last line of the stanza should also be in "you" form.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Perfect!!

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Last two lines which conveys the heart-touching meaning of giving an understanding to the addicts, rather than making fun of them.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

It is nice poem, with a message which we all need to understand. Thank you for writing and sharing your poems. I really enjoyed your thoughts and poems. I am glad the auction gave me an opportunity to enter your port and enjoy these pieces.


Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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Review of My emancipation.  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the forth review of your auction win at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

A person who is on a killing spree to revenge the wrongs done. He/she realizes that this is wrong but, like most of the killers, has justified the actions as revenge. A perfect dark poem.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

Perfect!! Each word seemed to be selected with perfect love and care.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

I just have a small observation. The sentence Humanity abandoned I take great care needs a comma after abandoned. Otherwise the poem is very nicely done.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite lines are
I loathe myself for what I must do.
For my years of misery, they will rue.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

This might be your first dark poem, but it is really good. I really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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Review of The Novelist  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the third review of your auction win at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

Another masterpiece of showing a picture. I love how your poems can portray the mundane, normal things in a beautiful manner. This poem shows a novelist who is struggling to put the story on paper, a story of me and a story of you.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

You have followed a freestyle with alternate rhymes. These rhymes merge in each other without jarring the flow of the poem. Mostly the piece is well-polished. I just have two small suggestions~
*Quill* sub plots thrive ~ As far as I know, "Subplot" is a single word, not two separate words. You may need to crosscheck what you want to use here.

*Quill* I used a ‘readers hook’ ~ I am not sure but I think it should be "reader's hook". Both can actually be correct, if "readers hook" is used as a technical term. But if not, then it will be better to use apostrophe.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Well punctuated piece. *Thumbsup*

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

The last stanza was my absolute, absolute favorite as it described how an author's mind doesn't even sleep while sleeping.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Another wonderful poem. I am giving it four and a half star for the beautiful story it tells. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.
Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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Review of You  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the second review of your auction win at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

What an imaginative poem, and what a ending? I guessed you were talking about something when I reached the "master" part, but coffee, I never imagined. I re-read the poem to see and it matched with the coffee's description. I am not really a tea or coffee addict, but know many of them who could not start their day without coffee. Your poem describes the addiction beautifully.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

Like most of your writings, the rhyme and language flowed well. I just have a small suggestion. In the sentence my stomach’s a flutter the correct word is aflutter, without any space between "a" and "flutter". Also I think "stomach's" should be written as "stomach is".

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

You have not followed any end punctuation in the form. I usually consider this as a style choice of the poet. Apart from that, I think the sentence On you I find, I spend most of my money should have a comma after "you. Right now, the sentence sounds confusing.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

If I leave the amazing ending, the best part is the third-last stanza wherein the poem talks about the breaking of the habit of coffee. It shows the fight between determination and coffee-addiction.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

A simple poem which says a lot in a funny manner, it did make me smile. I am giving it four stars. Thank you for writing and sharing this poem.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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Review of Never Ever  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there, Weirdone-Back in the games Author Icon. I found your item in "I Write in December-January-February" Open in new Window.. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

A really funny poem of Empat, Empat form. It shows the woes of a child about the ban on chewing gums in schools.I enjoyed the way each line flowed in another without feeling forced.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form


You have followed the form nicely. The rhymes also flow without jarring. Mostly the poem is well edited. I just have a small suggestion:
*Quill* Which one had always to obey. ~ I feel it should be "always had to obey". Right now it doesn't flow well.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Well-punctuated apart form the first letter capitalization. But I do not have any issues with it.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Last stanza, which is too funny and shows what I feel too, though about keeping quiet rather than chewing gums.

I am giving this poem four and a half stars. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.

Keep Writing. *Thumbsup*

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*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions
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Review of Snow  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi OOT™ Author Icon. I'm participating in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. with "The Talent Pond" Open in new Window. .This review is a part of that activity. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

I also tried the Diatelle form and I can understand how difficult it is to attempt. This poem truly deserves the first place. It shows the attractions of winter for a child and then the long wait for the summers. I enjoyed how you portrayed these things in so few words.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

I have one suggestion and a small confusion too, as I am still trying to wade in with the syllable count thing. I will list them out for you~

*Quill* First of all, my doubt. Refer to the sentence Gray skies turn blue . I am not sure how many syllables do you count in word "skies". I know "sky" has one syllable, but "skies" should be two syllables as per me. In that case, the syllable count of sentence will change to five, instead of four. But I am still learning and practicing this, so if I can be wrong too.

*Quill* Then it all melts as it always must do~ There is nothing wrong here, but as this sentence follows the reference of "flurries", the use of "it" jars the read. The word "they" might be a better choice.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

You have not used punctuation at all in the end. Though, acceptable, in my opinion the poem needs it. Because there are sentences which cannot stand alone like Waking up to is a sentence which is actually a part of next sentence. But, it is usually the poet's choice to adopt any manner he/she wants to adopt.

Also you need a comma after "warm" as you are using two adjectives to define the glow.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite will be the sentence will be "Snowmen, snow angels, going sledding, too". I live in plains, where there is no snow. This paints a picture which I can imagine and enjoy.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

Other than what is written above, I would like to suggest a small thing, that is, you should mention what exactly a Diatelle form is, so that people who are ignorant can also learn and enjoy a new form. I am giving this poem a four star for its beauty. Thank you for writing and sharing your work.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

A handle gifted by Fal.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" Open in new Window..
182
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Review of Aches & Pains  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi ~ Santa Sisco ~ Author Icon. This is the first review of your auction win at "Invalid Item" Open in new Window..Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader adn are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

This poem shows the pain of the depression which is so unknown to many people, but which drives many people to the point of subsides. I liked how this poem ends on an optimistic note, showing a way to live despite of depression ailing me. Though I found the images too disjointed, in a sense, that your first stanza talks about temporary separation from the family, second about the death, third about people who do not understand depression and later stanzas talk about how the person should look forward despite of all the problems.
I think you wrote this with a specific scenario/person in min whom I don't know, hence I'm not able to relate to it completely.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

You have followed freestyle with consecutive line rhyming. Initially when I read the first stanza, I felt that you are following a single rhyme for each stanza.Otherwise there was nothing I would like to change in these lines.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

Perfect! *Thumbsup*

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite is the last stanza. The hopes you have shown is beautiful.
There is nothing Not-so-Favorite in the poem.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I have read few of your poems earlier too, and I believe you have a caliber of writing better poems. But I equally understand that all poems are not meant as a work of art--some poems are written to get something out of our mind, and some are written as a message to someone. This felt like the latter to me. I am giving it four stars for its correctness. Thank you for writing and sharing you work.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*
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Review of Senility  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi there BigPapaDan Author Icon. Welcome to WDC. I saw you in the newbie list and thought that I will drop for a small review. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Imagery Created

The poem beautifully portrays the helplessness of the old age. I loved the way your lines merged into one another creating a picture of an old lady who is nearing her last time. My heart went out for your protagonist.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Language, grammar and form

I enjoyed the way you used first line to portray a contrast with, I am assuming, were her hopes and the next lines portray the reality. It was nice play of words and images. AS far as the language is concerned I do not have much to suggest.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Punctuation

I believe that the poem needs a better punctuation esp in the first line. Either you make a first line as a question and next lines as an answer to everything or you need to put a period before these contrasting lines to separate them and better highlight the contrast.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite will be the second paragraph which clearly showed her vulnerability. I equally enjoyed the end too which befits the poem.

*Snow5**Snowman**Snow5*
Other thoughts and suggestions

You are talented poet. I hope you write and share more of your works. If you need any clarification in my review or want to correct something, do not hesitate to drop me a mail. *Smile*

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with I.N.K.E.D.  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi there Rohin Author Icon. I found this story while going through the newbie age. The title of the chapter drew me in. Before I begin my review, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Plot

This chapter portrays the fascination of a man, who has newly arrived in Mumbai, for a lady. The lady, who is a stranger and one who is attractive enough to catch the attention of your protagonist. It was a beautiful read, though I believe you need to give a name to your stranger. Carrying the difficulty of communication via names of stranger throughout the novel can be difficult. As a first chapter, this draws me in and leave me thirsty to read more.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Character

The stranger, your protagonist, is very clearly described. His struggles in a new city of Mumbai, his search for a comfortable living, his accommodation and all are very clearly portrayed. I could see his interests and enjoyments in the simple joys of life, despite of the difficulties faced in his life.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Description

I *Heart* the description in the letter. The way you described Mumbai, the way you portrayed the accommodations and struggles--I could relate to everything. There cannot be a more perfect way to give the description.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language and Grammar

Before I go into the details of the language and other things, I have a general suggestion. The space between the paragraph should be uniform. In some places there are enters between the paragraphs, while at others there are not enters. It will be a better idea to maintain this space uniform. Also, you need to maintain bit higher spacing in between the words. You can use the tool for that in the left pane i.e. WritingML help for such commands.

*Quill* I was walking down the street... when I happen to look ~ You have written this para in a present tense. I think this needs to be changed to be past tense in order to maintain the correct chronology and the flow in the passage.

*Quill* It is possible that this letter never reaches you. I do not know of anybody who knows you. It is also possible you do not approve of this letter ~ This para needs the use of future tense or "might" like "it is possible that this letter might never reach you. It is also possible that you won't approve of this letter."

*Quill*say – It is possible ~ A letter after dash need not to be capitalized.

*Quill* you safely, you read the letter, ~ The comma after safely should be semi-colon.

*Quill* I leave it to destiny to ~ It should be either "at destiny" or "for destiny". "To destiny" does not seem right here.

*Quill* on my Tabletop ~ Is there a special reason why the "T" of "tabletop" is capitalized.

*Quill* effect of which is such that ~ "This" might be a better choice here than "which". Right now, the sentence jars the read.

*Quill* something on offer for every palate ~ It should be "something to offer" instead of "something on offer".

*Quill* sleeping in an open Park, ~ Another capitalization which I did not understand. You may need to crosscheck this too.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

I have a few favorites~
*Star* death by suffocation or by looking at the slow rotating ceiling fan running twenty four by seven ~ How very different way of explaining the things.

*Star* I stood there watching you like a child who has just seen a magician perform a spectacular trick. ~ How very perfectly romantic!! *sigh*

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

Your biggest strength is that you can describe the scene as you are present there. The story is a beautiful one and I want to know what happens next. Please do finish the story. Thank you for writing and sharing the story.


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there April Author Icon. This is a thank you review for a review you did for me in the raid party. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Imagery Created

The poem creates a beautiful picture of the past which still lingers in the mind of the the person. Forgetting the past love is never an easy thing to do. And your poem tells about those feelings, the times when we wish the clock to turn its hands back and take us away back to those moments.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language, grammar and form

You have mostly followed the free form in the poem. The use of ellipses gives this poem a kind of dreamy quality. There were few lines which I found could be improved.

*Quill*we had no cares to share.~ This is grammatically correct but it does not flow with the meaning you want to convey. I think you want to convey that you did not have any worry in the world, which is not actually the sentence means. This, as per me, means that the caring feeling has been lost somewhere. But I know this can be because of my cynical outlook too. Poetry is too subjective to be bounded in meanings. Each sentence can convey a different meaning to reader and writer.
*Quill*free from care or want or harm~In such a short poem using the same word twice is not a good idea as it takes away the impact.

Grammatically, I did not find any errors in the piece.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Punctuation

You have used punctuation well enough in this poem but I have two observations regarding the piece~
1) The poem is not uniform in capitalization of the first letter of new line after comma. For example
Lingering,
Ever slowly,~ Here, you have capitalized E after the comma while
Always creeping,
never ceasing,~ You have not capitalized N. This is scattered throughout the poem. My suggestion will be not to capitalize after comma. But both can be done, if you maintain the uniformity.

2)There the two together drawn,~ This sentence needs another comma after there to give the much needed pause for the sentence.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

My favorite is the use of ellipses in the poem. Although I enjoyed the use of "Lingering, Ever slowly," too. It gave that sense of stilted time period which had been frozen because one has been distanced from his or her love.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I am giving this poem a rating of three and a half for the effect it created. Thank you for sharing you work, and for reviewing mine too.

Keep Writing!*Thumbsup*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi keikei-love critical reviews! Author Icon. I am here with a mini winter port raid for you as a part of Raid party. I found your piece in "Invalid Item" Open in new Window.. But this port raid is more for a selfish reason as I wanted to read the novel of yours. Before I begin please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in anyway. Also, I know I won't be able to complete all the chapters in a single day but I will try my level best to provide my feedback on it, if not during the raid period, then after that.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Plot

The first chapter of your novel is quite engaging. I started reading it for the review purpose, but was so engrossed in it that I forgot that I was supposed to review this too. Believe me, I am forcing myself not just to read all the chapters and write this review first. *Bigsmile*
I will restate the plot as I understood. Zaharra is a twelve year old girl who is being abused by his own cousin. She is not able to voice her complaints as she fears her father would not believe her and will come to know about her previous intimate relations as well. She considers herself dirty and a sinner. The chapter ends with her trying to find the reason for the stoning of a lady.
I flowed with your story seeing the world through Zaharra's eyes. I cried when she felt afraid( and I mean this!!) and my heart wen tout to her as she tried to lose herself in the planting of the olive tree.

There were two things I did not get in the plot, which you might need to explain somewhere later~
1) You have used the ceremony of "PassOver". I am neither a Muslim nor a Christian. These words just meant a ritual for me. But I am assuming this has an importance in your story as you have used it twice. So as an international audience I would like to know about the preparation you for Passover, either in this chapter or in later chapters.

2) You have to explain the incidence of Zaharra losing her innocence. I am guessing she was abused earlier too and it was not her choice. Either ways this needs to be clarified because her fear that is being portrayed will be incomplete without that detail. Again, this can be done in this chapter or the next chapters.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Character


Zaharra has become a character after my own heart. Her pain and her feeling of uncleanliness is described so beautifully that I could see a girl trying to fight a mental war. Ishmael also emerges as a strong character who believes Zaharra is like his property and is the reason for his downfall. The only thing I did not understand about him was why did he actually come to Alexander. Something had happened in the past which made him believe that he needed to find the favor with God again. I wonder what that was...as in it was desire for Zaharra from the beginning or something else.

Also you have named the father Alexander. While Zaharra and Ishmael are Muslim names, Alexander is not. Since the story is set up in Israel, there can be possible mixing of names. The character of Alexander is not very strong here. This chapter is more of Zaharra's and Ishmael's than Alexander.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Description

You have used wonderful description which reeled me in. The way you described Zaharra's fear and the way you built up her guilt for her own openness was amazing. Equally well portrayed is the scene of her planting the olive tree which left me with a sorrow in my heart for the innocent child.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language and Grammar

This is not my strongest point but I will try to help as much as I can with it.
*Quill* You have used the word asses here. This is not technically incorrect but it has been so misused over a period of time that I had to read the sentence again to understand that you were talking about ass as an animal. I wonder if a donkey or mule won't be a better choice of word. But as I said, it is not incorrect. May be it is my dirty mind only, which thought something else.
*Quill* He had taken advantage of her kind persona and left her with a scar she could never erase ~ Your whole chapter is built upon the guilt and fear of Zaharra, but in this sentence when she says she had been taken advantage of, it doesn't tell us about the guilt of hers. It tells us that she realize that she had been abused for her kindness...you might want to check if this is the impression you want in the story.
*Quill*due to her challenge of building friendships This sentence is difficult to grasps and seems out of the character in the story. Why is she challenged in building friendships? Because she is beautiful? Or because she is shy? You may either want to elaborate the sentence more, or try rewriting it.
*Quill*her of the humble lifestyle of which he was not~ a comma after lifestyle is needed.
*Quill*one of her actions was to blame ~I think it should be "to be blamed".
*Quill*"I'll---I'll serve~ Ellipses or dashes? I think ellipses will be a better choice here.
*Quill*Again she fought, but he pinned her face down ~You need to shift to past perfect tense here as you are talkinmg about past. It is confusing otherwise if it is happening then or it happened earlier.
*Quill*You have used a word "ambled" here for both Zaharra and Ishmael. Amble as a verb is usually used to describe walking in pleasure. It can be correct for Ishmael, but the word does not go with Zaharra's personality or her mood at that time.
*Quill*Ishmael was found sitting at~ The use of word "found" weakens you sentence. Why not used was sitting at the table only. I am sure it will still convey the same meaning.
*Quill* The last point of mine here is the use of spacing. You have put in additional spaces at many places which was not necessary, esp before the quotes you have used. You may want to maintain a uniform spacing throughout the chapter to avoid distraction.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-favorites

There were so many favorites that I'm afraid, I will have to paste the whole passage again if I started dealing with them. So I am not mentioning my favorites. There was nothing which was not to my liking in the story.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other thoughts and Suggestions

As I said earlier, I will read rest of the chapters too and will come back to this if I found something is missing. But I work really slow. So you will have to bear with me. Also, in case any of my suggestions are not clear to you, just shoot me an email. I will try to reply it at the earliest possible. I understand that you have rewritten this chapter quite a lot of times and that hard work is showing in the chapter. It is a piece of art for me, a beginning which has made me greedy to learn more about Zaharra and Ishmael. I hope, someday I will be able to capture the stories so beautifully. I am giving it a rating of four and a half for its amazing characters.

Keep Writing!*Thumbsup*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..
A review signature for WDC Power Reviewer
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Review of Patchwork Quilt  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi there 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon. I am dropping by again and this time for an anniversary review for you. *Smile*
Congratulations for completing four years on WDC. Before I begin, please note that this review presents my views as a reader and is not meant to offend in any manner.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Imagery Created

I have become an admirer of your nature poetry, especially the way you present autumn. Each line in the poem was a tribute to the autumn season. It was a visual journey to see the scene from your eyes. "Patchwork of Quilt" is a the delightful way of describing those leaves. *Smile*

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language, grammar and form

I have never tried this form but it felt in line with the description you have given. The rhymes or form do not not jar my reading. So I will say you have done in that section perfectly.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

Usually I point out my favorites sentences but I do not want to quote the whole poem again. *Laugh*
Let me try. May be the usage of "Colored farewell" and "Rebirth dreams".

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Punctuation

Perfect!

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other thoughts and suggestions

I do not know why have you received only one review in this. Before you say anything about that, let me tell you it was a real good poem which I thoroughly enjoyed. *Laugh*. I seriously do not have any suggestions to add except for please keep writing.

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Review of Five Minutes  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi thereBIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author Icon. I found your item in "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" Open in new Window.. Before I begin, I will like to say sorry for mangling the first review. I pasted a wrong template(though the review is still the same). *Blush* Also I will like to tell you that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.


*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Plot



A man who has bargained with death for five minutes at one time. The story nicely tells how he used those five minutes. I wonder if I was given five such minutes, what would I do? Probably nothing or probably the same. But I might not be as brave as this veteran who bore the second attack unflinchingly. I did not find any plot-holes in the story. It was a smooth read from beginning to end. The only issues I had was with the response of the boss who should also have questioned the survival of the protagonist.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Character


I do not know whether you were under word limit constraint but I think you could better develop the character of the veteran. Like showing his last thoughts before he hears the death's sound. And then, a bit of fear when Robert blasted him second time. It will make more impact that ways.


*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Description


The story is to the point. It expresses the idea clearly but lacks the description of emotions. The action is clearly described though. Including both can add a depth to a story which can move the readers. I as a reader will enjoy it more.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language and Grammar


I am not an expert in this area but I have two general observations. There are many "-" in the story. They are not incorrect really, but have been overused. It would be a better idea to break them into different sentences. Similar, is the use of word "and" like "I went back to civilian life, and my wife of two years, and my year-old son. You might need to check on it. I have a few more suggestions~

1two foot long fire axe~ The words two-foot should be hyphenated.

2)it had been a trophy of a sort for the floor from the boss- we’d saved a lot of money from being burned ~ Unclear sentence. Consider rephrasing and simplifying it.

3)Someone grabbed me and pulled me off of him ~ 'of' is not required here.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites


What I liked the most was the concept of death taking away the hand and leg and the way you described their regrowing. I could actually visualize it.

What I did not like was the twist of boss gifting him a medal. I felt that could have been more emotionally displayed. If you seriously want to display the emotions, you may like to focus on his emotions and grief which showed on his face rather than the dialogues. Also for your character, you might want to show the feeling of contentment he felt after doing a good deed, despite of the fact that he was not able to write that letter to his wife.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other Thoughts and Suggestions


I am giving this story the rating of four star as the story line is really good. It just needs a few more details to give that emotional connect with the reader. I hope you will find these suggestions useful. Else please free to discard whatever you don't like. If you decide on revising the story, and want me to read it, do drop me a mail.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Keep Writing *Thumbsup*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .

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Review of Five Minutes  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi there BIG BAD WOLF is Merry Author Icon. Many congratulations on completing three years on WDC. I found this item in "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" Open in new Window.. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Plot

A man who has bargained with death for five minutes at one time. The story nicely tells how he used those five minutes. I wonder if I was given five such minutes, what would I do? Probably nothing or probably the same. But I might not be as brave as this veteran who bore the second attack unflinchingly. I did not find any plot-holes in the story. It was a smooth read from beginning to end. The only issues I had was with the response of the boss who should also have questioned the survival of the protagonist.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Character

I do not know whether you were under word limit constraint but I think you could better develop the character of the veteran. Like showing his last thoughts before he hears the death's sound. And then, a bit of fear when Robert blasted him second time. It will make more impact that ways.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Description

The story is to the point. It expresses the idea clearly but lacks the description of emotions. The action is clearly described though. Including both can add a depth to a story which can move the readers. I as a reader will enjoy it more.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Language and Grammar

Before giving the changes I have two general observations. There are many "-" in the story. They are not incorrect really, but have been overused. It would be a better idea to break them into different sentences. Similar, is the use of word "and" like "I went back to civilian life, and my wife of two years, and my year-old son. You might need to check on it. I have a few more suggestions~

1)two foot long fire axe~ The words two-foot should be hyphenated.

2)it had been a trophy of a sort for the floor from the boss- we’d saved a lot of money from being burned ~ Unclear sentence. Consider rephrasing and simplifying it.

3)Someone grabbed me and pulled me off of him ~ 'of' is not required here.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Favorites and Not-so-Favorites

What I liked the most was the concept of death taking away the hand and leg and the way you described their regrowing. I could actually visualize it.

What I did not like was the twist of boss gifting him a medal. I felt that could have been more emotionally displayed. If you seriously want to display the emotions, you may like to focus on his emotions and grief which showed on his face rather than the dialogues. Also for your character, you might want to show the feeling of contentment he felt after doing a good deed, despite of the fact that he was not able to write that letter to his wife.

*LeafG**LeafG**LeafG*
Other Thoughts and Suggestions

I am giving this story the rating of four star as the story line is really good. It just needs a few more details to give that emotional connect with the reader. I hope you will find these suggestions useful. Else please free to discard whatever you don't like. If you decide on revising the story, and want me to read it, do drop me a mail.

Thank you for sharing your work.

Keep Writing *Thumbsup*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" Open in new Window..

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Review of Dream Cycle  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there 🌖 HuntersMoon Author Icon. I am a fellow participant at Pond poetry contest. I read your poem on the contest page, so here I am with my humble views. Please note that these are not meant to offend in any manner.

Imagery Created
I was speechless after reading the poem. And I guess that can be the biggest compliment I can give to anyone. I am a chatterbox, but your poem reeled me in. I have read it many times till now. And I am sure I am going to read it many more times. What a beautiful picture and what pretty thoughts!!

And the title *Heart*. !!!

Language,grammar and other form{/c]
Language and grammar, all perfect!
For the form, I thought the form was suppose to appreciate the beauty of the lover. But since I enjoyed the poem so much, no complaints! *Laugh*

Punctuation
Perfect*Thumbsup*

Favorite section
Though I loved the whole poem, the second para. is my absolute favorite.

Other thoughts and suggestions
Thank you so much for sharing this awesome poem. It is one poem which can make me feel the journey of dreams during the dreary office hours.

Keep Writing!! *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Humming Bird Author Icon. I am reviewing your entry as a part of your ongoing shower. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any manner.

Plot
I selected this title particularly because the description suggested that the weaver was being betrayed somehow. But it never happens. Though you have very beautifully painted the animals and their characteristics, the plot felt a bit weak. As in nothing happens except for the conversation. Since it says Chapter one, I hope there is chapter two also somewhere which I was not able to see.

Characters
The real sweet characters. They reminded me of the book "champak" which we used to read when we were kids. (Sometimes I still read it.) Babui, the weaver was clearly portrayed. so was the Mr. Pipra. Mrs Pipra is not that very evident in the story.

Are these names the bengali names for ant and weaver? They seem familiar like I should know them, but I can't recall any such word.

Description
Real good descriptions. I especially liked weaver combing his feather and the hay-bowl filled with paddy juice. *Laugh*

Language and grammar
I did not find any error except for a minute pick. You might want to put "Ouch" in inverted commas as this is also a speech to himself like the one given in the beginning. Also in the conversation it will be a better idea to maintain a uniform space and give one line gap after every enter. Usually new conversations should be in a new para.

Favorite sections
*Heart*A dead snail.......grass*Heart*

Other thoughts and suggestion
The story reminded me of Champak stories we used to read in our childhood. I wonder if you had them in Bangladesh too? As a children story this has a lot or potential. I hope you finish the next chapter soon enough.

I am giving this a rating of 4.0 because of the wonderf for children this tale can be perfect . A caution though, you may need to add some story-twists or masala to make it more happening else the interest may waver.

Keep Writing!!*Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

Hi Tina. First of all, a very happy anniversary to you. I found this in the "Review Me List for WDC Power -ON HIATUS" Open in new Window.. Before I begin, please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend in any way. I might be wrong at some places too, as I am also learning.

Since this item contains many poems, I will cover the poems in sequence and give you a general idea in the end.

Autumn Sings

Message conveyed
A pretty poem which expresses the beauty of the fall. You used wonderful imagery to paint autumn.

Technical Issues
The form is clearly followed in the poem. I have never tried writing it but it sounds interesting. Language is also perfect except for one place i.e. the use of word "shines". It should be "shine" as you are talking about the colors here.

Other thoughts and suggestions
I loved the ending of the poem. Totally amazing.



Coming Ashore

Message conveyed
The poem felt like a comparison between our thought process and the river. I liked the way you described and painted the river. Second para is my absolute favorite. The comparison of descriptions and waves was really beautiful.

Technical Issues
No Technical issues found. But I have a question. Is an outpouring of emotion for my soul. ~you meant for my soul or from my soul? Thought both are correct but I first perceived it as "from my soul."

Other thoughts and suggestions
Beautiful!! *Smile*



Faith

Message conveyed
A prayer written in etheree form.

Technical Issues
Etheree form is my personal favorite and you have carried the prayer in the form nicely. No technical issues.

Other thoughts and suggestions
Just a small suggestion. and all angels are awaiting us ~ "where" might suit better than "and" here.


River

Message conveyed
I am not sure I understood the end of the poem. I could see the words you expressed but was unable to relate it. Blame it on my developing thought process, but the end section of screaming,earth child was not clear to me.

Technical Issues
Not qualified to comment


Singing Leaves

Message conveyed
You have expressed the song of wind and leaves, trying to conquer the cries. Honestly, I enjoyed second part better because it was much clearer.

Technical Issues
Just a small point in the first poem. You have used "it" there without mentioning the word wind. Since both have the same syllable count, won't wind be a better choice?

For the second poem you meant "cradle" in place of "craddle".

Other thoughts and suggestions
Tetracty is a real difficult form but I enjoyed reading the way you molded the poem to it.


Lady of Poem

Message conveyed
A prayer.

Technical Issues
The only thing I felt was that the sentence so I live need some modal like may or can, though it will affect the syllable count.

Other thoughts and suggestions
None




Villanelle Poem

Message conveyed
The poem expresses how one overcomes the loss of a loved one with the help of the love that once was.

Technical Issues
Thought the thoughts are beautiful, I used to think Villanelle poem carries only two rhymes. Is this a variation I am not aware of? Yuo have used more than two rhymes here.

Other thoughts and suggestions
I tried scouting the web for the form but could find only one form.


Quatrain Poem

Message conveyed
The poem expresses the inadequateness a lady feels in spite of being loved.

Technical Issues
The first two quatrains have consecutive rhymes while the last two quatrains have alternate rhymes. Usually it's better to follow a single rhyme pattern throughout. Also "to faded" is not correct. Either it should be "to be faded" or "to fade".

Other thoughts and suggestions
The word choice in this poem can be improved. Currently, it is difficult to connect to the poem.


I enjoyed reading your poems. You have a distinct way of expressing yourself in the poems. *Smile*

My favorite is "Coming Ashore",closely followed by "Faith."

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


I am doing this review as an anniversary review from WDC. These are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Message conveyed
You have used two different poems to convey your feelings. I liked the portrayal of the strength in the poem though I could not get why you titled it "Break Down". I loved the second poem better.


Language,Gramma,Punctuationr
The missing punctuation makes the flwo of the poems really difficult. Esp in first poem where in you have shifted from the question to the sentences. My suggestion will be to incorporate those missing question marks to enliven the whole poem. I personally liked the ending of the first poem where in you defied the world to make your own identity.

Other thoughts
World always try to pull us down in one or the other manner. What we need is the courage to trust and respect ourselves.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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Review of fire  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*


Hi there. I am doing this review as ab Anniversary review. Please note that these are my views as readers and are not meant to offend.

Image Created
Fire is a part of many occasions we celebrate. Your poem expresses those memories beautifully. I simply *Heart* the reference of winter chills and autumn rains.

Grammar, Language,Rhymes
Mostly I was comfortable with the free style of the poetry followed. Except for the two sentences.
As it spit and it spat
And I sat and I thought Repetition of "it" and "and" jars the flow.

Punctuation
The end of the lines are missing the much deserved punctuation. The punctuation can make the flow of the poem much smoother giving the reader the meaning and connecting the the two lines.

Other thoughts
The knack of creating images is clearly evident in your style. Thank you for sharing these beautiful thoughts.

Keep Writing. *Thumbsup*


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Review of Where I Come From  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" Open in new Window.! *BalloonR*


Hi. Welcome to WDC. I am reviewing this poem of yours. Please note that these are just my views as reader and are not meant to offend.

Imagery Created
Seeing the poem, I could see why you got A+ in your school. It was a beautiful poem with some beautiful expressions.I especially loved the ending of the poem.
Good job there. *Thumbsup*

Language, Grammar, Rhymes
A freestyle poem, so no rhymes. I have few suggestions like:
Chimeras clings
I don't grown cold.

The only line which I felt vague was There's something deeper than affects the now. ~Did you meant to say "that affects the now"?

Punctuation
You have mostly followed the correct punctuation but it is missed at some place. (I am marking my suggestions in bracket.)

From darkness and flames(,)
I am from the heat
(Crimson red, evil, all in vain of love.)
I am from the shadows(,)
the light
whose glowing eyes I remember


Other Suggestion
You have a real good style.

Keep Writing.


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196
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews ~ Summer Break" Open in new Window.*CakeP*

I am reviewing your piece as an Anniversary Review. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Plot
Interesting take on Alien wars. No doubt the story won the award.

Characterization
There are three characters depicted here. Joel, Winston and the commander. Also there are glimpses of the Doc Collier. I could only relate with Joel and Winston. Doc Collier too I can understand but the commander's character can be developed more. I can feel the character cut because of the word limit.

Desciption
Withing the word limit of 1000, the description was good but the story has the potential for further expansion.

Language,Grammar
I have a few suggestions for the language and grammar uses:

1) In the beginning you have started in present tense but by the end the story has moved into the past tense. You may want to maintain uniform voice here.

2) And now we make and ship green glowing-batteries and other parts to their home world. ~ I found the sentences unclear.



Other suggestion
As I said, the strongest point of this is the plot. The story has a potential to be expanded. Also I feel the dialogues can be strengthened. I have read the dialogues which are imprinted on the mind forever.
A note of caution : I also suffer from same kind of weakness. My dialogues too are not catchy enough.*Smile*.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*

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197
197
Review of Forever and a Day  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)
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An "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. Review

Hi. Welcome to WDC. I was gong through the newbie port when I noticed your poem. I am expressing my views on it. Please note that these are not meant to offend but help .

Image Created
I loved the image you created. The love and longing expressed was palpable. Good job in that.

Language, grammar

I personally feel a poem should have the correct punctuation. Else many sentences can lose their meaning. So may be you should add the end punctuation marks at the end of sentences as per the requirement.

Also I found the sentences a bit unclear. "and that is for my heart to sorrow".

Other Suggestions
I was suggested once "A poetry is more than just a rhyme. The meaning should never be sacrificed just for the sake of rhyme." I have always tried to follow these words as my mantra. You already have a good grasp on the poetry. Hope you will share more of your work *Smile*


Keep Writing !!! *Thumbsup*

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198
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)
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Hi there. Welcome to WDC. I was going through the newbies section when I noticed you post. I am sharing my views on in it. Please note that these are my views as a reader and are not meant to offend.

Message conveyed
I thoroughly enjoyed the feelings and doubts of a person who lives as a shadow to his/her friends and experiences life through their eyes. The format, and the form you selected complements the message.

Language,Grammar
The poem really flows well. I just hve one small suggestion.
People know my name and not much more.~But will be better here than and.

My favorite section is where in you descibed the absent things of life starting from "the first date...."

Other suggestion
Your poetry really communicates the feelings well. Thank you for sharing.

Keep Writing! *Thumbsup*
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199
Review of The Burden  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1729365 Unavailable **

I am doing this review as a part of Nuclear Package gifted to you by blue jellybaby Author Icon. Please note that this review just expresses my opinions and is not meant to offend. Feel free to correct me if you feel I am wrong somewhere.


Plot
A wonderfully engaging plot!!!
A beginning, a middle and an end - all woven perfectly.
But the story has a room for expansion after the end too. I was left hanging in the end. I wanted to know whether she took the right decision or not but I guess that is a story for another time. *Smile*
For me, I will love to see a romance budding up!! ( You can probably guess that I am a sucker for romance)

Characterization
I could totally relate with Mariel. Her loss, her confusion was clearly evident in the story. I could visualize Bran too and feel his agelessness. Albert was a not too defined but that may be because you did not want to define him clearly.

Description
I loved the descriptions you painted. Specially the scene where in you described release of the dragon because of pendant. The only thing you can elaborate upon is may be the Protection Spell sentence.

Grammar/Punctuation/Language
There are few sentences which I think could benefit from some editing. But I am still learning myself so I can be mistaken too. I will point them out

1) A circular shape shone behind the barnacle-like growths smothering it. ~ "Shone" does not seem right here. Probably the word glinted or winked. Moreover you have already used the word "shone" in the story later.

2) Mariel's mother was a closed book, never speaking of her past or why she made them move once a year ~ Since the rest of the para is in past perfect tense, I feel "was" should be replaced with "had been".

3) If your mother told you what she knew, this would be so much easier ~ It should be "had told you".

4) That’s the window a Drago has every year to make their choice when they inherit the burden ~ I found that sentence a bit unclear. I understand what you are trying to say but it is vague.

5) I want only to be myself once more, instead of condemned to this torment.~ It should be "instead of being condemned".


Other Suggestions

Please finish the story. I want to know what happens next. *Smile*

Keep writing!!*ThumbsUp*



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Review of Daffodil Laughter  Open in new Window.
In affiliation with The Talent Pond  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)
An image donated by [Link To User legerdemain] for use with Anniversary Reviews.
An "Invalid Item" Open in new Window. Review

Hi. Saw ur WDC anniversary is this month. Happy anniversary!!! *Laugh*
My review for your entry. Please note that I do not mean any offence. If you find I m wrong somewhere, do correct me.

1) Image created : You created a wonderful imagery. The words are descriptive enough to paint the garden and the happy daffodil.

2) Language, Rhyme used : I dnt think u hv adhered to the eight syllable per line. There are lines which have nine or seven syllables only like Multicolored blossoms dancing"(nine syllables) ; "A yellow bud gleefully laughs"(seven syllables)

The only line which I found a bit unclear was ... In the gale force gusts blossoms sing. I think u mean "as" instead of "in"

Totally loved the second last para. *Laugh*


3) Grammar and Punctuation : Punctuation nicely followed. The only grammatical error I can see was in the sentence My mood transformed from dark to light~ it should be in the present tense.


You have written a beautiful poem. My rating 4 for the amazing presentation.

Hope to see more of ur work around.

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