Yay - this seriously has to be one of the best collected set of writing resources I have come across on this site. Thank you for taking the time and effort to piece this wee space together which is full of brilliant ideas, great guidelines, and good old solid advice.
You're amazing - thank you. Definitely a spot that I will be reccommending to friends in the future
What I Loved:
The hurt and emotion that you have described, is very vivid. The visuals are taking a breath of fresh air. Its a pleasure to read.
Suggested Improvements: Maybe separate your paragrahs with a space, when you're loading onto WDC. This makes it easier to read, instead of it being in a big block of writing.
Overall Review:
Overall, I felt that this was a lovely peice of writing. The world that you have weaved with your words is very refreshing. even though she's upset, its refreshing to be taken into a world like that. To see it from the other side.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future. And, welcome to WDC - here you will find the most amazing supportive community for writers.
As one of the Welcoming Wagon judges, I am required to judge you on 10 different criteria. (1 ) General Opinion? Brilliant. I thought that this piece was well structured, and thought out. Beautifully rounded off with a surprising end.
Good variation of sentence structure, and the grammar was very good as well.
I would maybe put in a little more dialogue between the characters, so that the narration of the story becomes balanced out.
The relationship between Michael and Danny was fantastic, and I felt as though I was right there – inside the story watching it unfold before me. Their relationship is so complimentary of each other – it’s lovely to read.
I did think though that the realism of the piece could probably do with a little work. E.g. Danny had known not to talk to strangers, but yet he did anyway without any qualms… and also Danny stayed overnight with the stranger – when in reality he should have been questioning about his mother.
Points ratings: Points 9 / 10
(2 ) Opening? The opening paragraph wasn’t too bad, but a little ‘wordy’.
I think that Danny needs to acknowledge in his mind that he has been called to, but is so wrapped up in contemplating his mother’s reaction to the flowers he has picked that he doesn’t acknowledge verbally.
Points ratings: Points 6 / 10
(3 ) Plot? The plot of this story was excellent. It was structured, and very engaging. The reader
’has’ to know what’s going to happen to the little boy in this story, and therefore won’t stop reading until the very last word.
Points ratings: Points 8.5 / 10
(4 ) Ending? The ending took me by surprise. I didn’t anticipate the twist at the end of this story, which was a pleasant surprise.
The whole story was wrapped up neatly into a delicious little read, and I wasn’t left hanging on for more details.
I was almost sad to see the end of the story actually, as it was extremely well written.
Points ratings: Points 9 / 10
(5 ) Characters? The characters were very believable. Knowing now, that the adult characters were very lonely and depressed, I found it very endearing that they could find so much joy in life because of one little boy. The fact that the little boy can uplift their spirits is quite overwhelming, and emotional.
Points ratings: Points 8 / 10
(6 ) Dialogue? I felt that the dialogue was very natural in this story – in fact – It could have done with a little more. If it had a bit more, I think that you could most definitely engage the reader even further into the story. This would also balance out the descriptive narrative that you have written.
Points ratings: Points 6 / 10
(7 ) Story Setting? Very good descriptions. You have a real talent for them.
You draw the reader right into the story with your vivid descriptions and setting. I really love this.
Points ratings: Points 8.5 / 10
(8 ) Flow and Pace? The flow and pace of this story was very good. It was well written, and told at a steady pace, without going too fast! This meant that the reader understood each paragraph without having to re-read anything to find any further detail.
Points ratings: Points 8 / 10
(9 ) Point of View? The story was told from the view of each of the main characters. I think that this was narrated well, however I think that it may benefit from breaking up the points of view with ‘* * *’. This will enable the reader to have clear definition between who is telling the story. That’s probably my only main suggestion for this though.
Points ratings: Points 7 / 10
(10) Final Impressions? An amazing story, told by a very talented writer. I have been very impressed by this story.
I felt quite overwhelmed at the end of it. I even said to my husband… “Oh my god. I have just read an incredible story.”
Overall? I have to say 'Well done'.
Points ratings: Points 8 / 10
OVERALL SCORE: Points 78 / 100
I hope that this has been helpful, and please remember that this has only been my opinion of your work.
I wish you all the best, and I truly look forward to reading more of your work in the future. It has been a pleasure.
As one of the Welcoming Wagon judges, I am required to judge you on 10 different criteria. (1 ) General Opinion? An interesting piece. I wasn’t 100% sure about how this piece made me feel. Inhuman perhaps? I felt observed though. I also felt that it needed a little something more.
I felt that I wasn’t completely engaged with this story, and maybe that’s because this story is completely narrated, with no dialogue?
Points ratings: Points 7 / 10
(2 ) Opening? Not too bad. I was quite confused to begin with, however – once I started to understand its from an animals point of view - I was fine.
Points ratings: Points 7 / 10
(3 ) Plot? The plot in this story was good. I didn’t understand the direction of this story to begin with, and felt that the plot was a little obscure. I just sort of wish that I knew exactly what the writer was thinking etc. when he wrote this piece. I guess I felt confusion – because this story has been told from an animals’ point of view.
Points ratings: Points 5 / 10
(4 ) Ending? I felt short-changed. I had been expecting a big grand finale; however, I didn’t get one. I guess that this resulted in a little disappointment. The story was well wrapped up though, I guess that I had expected a little more. The story just wound down… and I didn’t feel satisfied. (! That doesn't sound right!)
Points ratings: Points 7 / 10
(5 ) Characters? I don’t think I understood the character completely. Maybe this is because the character wasn’t human, and I wasn’t meant to understand them completely.
I do feel that this could have been one of the downfalls of this story, because I found it hard to engage with the character.
Maybe if the story had subtle descriptions as to what sort of animal the character is, then I would have been able to imagine the urges, and engage with the character’s mind more.
Points ratings: Points 6.5 / 10
(6 ) Dialogue? There was no dialogue in this piece. Maybe this would have balanced out the descriptive narration a bit more, and engaged the reader more into the story.
Points ratings: Points 4 / 10
(7 ) Story Setting? I thought that the descriptions of the scenes in this story were wonderful. I can actually imagine being inside the story with these descriptions. (I love having my imagination challenged.)
Points ratings: Points 9 / 10
(8 ) Flow and Pace? This story was quite pacey, and I kept jumping ahead, and therefore having to re-read parts of it – to make sure that I didn’t miss out on any details.
I don’t know how fast an animal would be thinking, but perhaps if you separated out the paragraphs a little, it would slow the reader down enough so that the reader didn’t miss anything.
Points ratings: Points 7 / 10
(9 ) Point of View? Absolutely. The point of view was perfect. Couldn’t fault it at all, as it was from the animal that was telling the story.
Points ratings: Points 10 / 10
(10) Final Impressions? This was an interesting story, which took a while for me to become engaged with it. Once engaged though, I was fascinated to see what would happen next. I didn’t feel totally engaged in the story, as
I don’t think I understood the character properly.
This was a very well written piece, which was told in the first person of an animal.
Points ratings: Points 6.5 / 10
OVERALL SCORE: Points 69 / 100
I hope that this has been helpful, and please remember that this has only been my opinion of your work.
I wish you all the best, and I truly look forward to reading more of your work in the future. It has been a pleasure.
Oh my god. This makes me want to cry. (How's that for a reaction!)
My Rating:
What I Loved:
Your rhythm and motion of this piece. I loved the fact that this piece is a really emotional piece, but yet you have somehow made this piece sound like an adventure of the soul. It's lovely.
Suggested Improvements: None that I can think of. It was amazing.
Overall Review:
I thought that even though this was a heart breaking poem, it was heart warming too. But this poem is about a part of life that we all hate, and we never wish to talk about.
It has managed to get me to think deeply about what you have written... and it has really moved me.
(Sorry - I'm feeling a little emotional! Hard to write a review when I'm like this.)
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Thought that I would do a little R & R on your poem.
I was quite impressed actually. This poem caught me in the first two lines! (This is quite an achievement )
I found this well written, with very good rhythm and flow. The descriptions I could visualise, which was lovely.
Nicely done. Also - welcome to WDC It's a fantastic community that you'll love being a part of!
What I Loved:
The stark contracts in the poem. I felt that your portrayal of this was very good.
The flow and rhythm is good as well, and your words lead you to rest the rest. Good flow.
Suggested Improvements: None that I can think of
Overall Review:
Overall - I felt that this poem was very good. As a daughter of a bipolar woman, I felt that you had a very firm grasp on what its like loving someone who suffers from it.
Well done. This is a well written poem.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
This is Awsome! This is the best Hamster poem I think I have ever read!
You had me laughing - which believe me - is rather hard to do.
Very clever! I cant wait to read more of your work.
Also - welcome to WDC. Its a place that you will never regret joining up with.
What I Loved:
I loved the 'paceyness' of this story.
Suggested Improvements: I would check your 'tenses' - your past and present tenses. I had a little confusion with this story. Check your spelling. I came across a few mistakes in there. Also check your punctuation.
Overall Review:
I felt that this story was a little unfinished, and I was hoping for more. With a bit of improvement - this story could go a long way.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
What I Loved:
The easiness to read, I read every single word knowing that each word was important to the telling of the story... And the storyline was fantastic!
The classic tale, between good and evil.
Suggested Improvements: None that I can think of!
Overall Review:
What a wonderful poem! It's absolutely delightful! (Now - it's not often i'll say that!!) I loved this.
The fantasy tale that you have told through poetry reminds me of a childrens song... that I would have loved when I was a little girl.
I felt that this was written and told exceptionally well. Well done.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Oh! And welcome to WDC!
You have a unique talent. You can describe the human body.
I wish that I could do that more myself, but alas, I seem to try and rush everything!
You visuals are fantastic.
I thought that this was a great moment in time to write about. I almost wish that it was longer!
Anyway. Welcome to WDC. This is a community which you will not regret ever joining.
Hi There
Here's your first review of your work from me.
My Rating:
What I Loved:
I found this very easy to read. Your observation of your fathers behaviour if fantastic. I loved the repetitiveness about your father as well. If that was me - I think that I would find that quite comforting... in an irritating/endearing sort of way!!
Suggested Improvements: None that I really think of!
Overall Review:
I felt that this was a lovely wee story, about a man who loves his family enough to take them all on holiday each year. I felt that your've captured his personality very well in this.
That can be a hard thing to do, so well done.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
Oh - and by the way - welcome to WDC! It's a pretty amazing community to be part of.
What I Loved:
The layout and flow of the words was fantastic. You have set a good rhythm with the words, and managed to keep that flow going throughout the entire poem. Nicely done.
Suggested Improvements: None that I can think of! (I'm not much of a poet myself!)
Overall Review:
Overall, I havt to say that I really enjoyed this poem. It has good rhyme and rhythm, as well as direction.
It's been a pleasure reviewing your work. I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
What I Loved:
I really loved the innocence and confusion about the two women.
Suggested Improvements: Possibly putting spaces between your paragraphs to make it easier on the eyes to read. (Nothing serious though!)
Overall Review:
Like I said earlier, I loved the innocence of the two characters. The ending was great with Annabel wanting to eat the cake. That definately made me smile. I also loved the way that the neighbour was almost father like with Mary - its a nice wee relationship to have built into the story. A good way to narate it.
Hi There
A friend of mine sent this work through to me, becuase He thought that I would enjoy the read.
Well - I have to say - this is an extremely well written piece of work, and I really enjoyed it.
An interesting subject - something I probably would read unless referred to me - but I think you wrote about it really well.
I love the realtionship that your character has with Jay... and how the character is striving to understand what these people go though - even though its a very different world.
I felt that this piece was a lovely story of empathy.
Well done.
I truly look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
I thought that this was a great wee story.
Naturally - I'm a little biased towards it - since my name is Leigh also.
It was a good idea, an usual one, and it worked really well as a short story.
I loved it how the fish kept dying - it made it amusing, and it kept the reader engaged with the story.
Anyway - good luck in the future - i look forward to reading more of your work.
Leigh
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My Rating: 
What I Loved: 
Suggested Improvements: 
Maybe separate your paragrahs with a space, when you're loading onto WDC. This makes it easier to read, instead of it being in a big block of writing. 
Overall Review: 
(3 ) Plot?
Hard to write a review when I'm like this.) 
) 